Could anyone help?? Basically I kinda see everyone as just humans. And this is hard with my OCD because firstly, when it comes to gender, a lot of non-binary people see things similarly and that’s how they realised they were non-binary. And the fact that I see logic in their perspective on how we’re all just people is really scary to me. Secondly, it’s hard with sexual orientation OCD as I worry I could fall inlove with anyone, for their brain and personality not gender. And I think this is good, but it’s hard with OCD. I do feel more attracted to men physically (though I often doubt this). On the whole, I always thought it was kinda cool how I saw people as people, labelled by society and stuff. But now I’m scared that this means my own identity is compromised. I don’t know what to do. It feels like I just have to accept I’m no -binary and pan sexual!!!

Like for the past year I just felt super at peace in general bc I found it in me to heal and just see people as people but NOW ??? It’s like is it bc you actually date them and I’m like wait that’s not what I meant

@aurokoi Yes exactly! I’m glad someone understands and relates. Like I feel I’m more prone to loving people for who they are... no necessarily their looks and therefore gender. But idk I’ve never liked a girl like that (despite false attraction).

@garden Me either. There might’ve been one instance in middle school that I’ve always known and been okay about tbh, but I’ve never wanted to be anything other than friends. Now tho, omg, it feels like every girl I meet I want to date her, which is so annoying. Like you, I appreciate people for who they are, and if we vibe, I can find comfort in that, but I’ve never,,, idk,, yearned for a girl?? Is that the right word for it? I don’t think I’ve ever been like,, restricting myself either I just kinda floated to wherever I felt most comfortable. I feel like this whole business is making me overthink it to the point where I feel like I’ve undone all that process. Which sucks bc that’s where I was the most happiest lmao. I like the general comfort there is in not restricting and siding with a label but I feel like I have to now, which I really hate. It’s like my brain can’t understand that I can love someone and not have it be romantic 😭

Exactly this! Wow I feel a lot less alone. I’m sorry you’re going through this too; I hope we both heal

Seconding this 😭 having gender identity ocd WITH sexual orientation ocd while also acknowledging that binaries exist is ,, the worst.

@aurokoi Yup! And I just saw a tiktok where a girl was explaining about how she sometimes finds men SO attractive that she almost wants to be them. And then she realised this has gotta mean she’s non-binary. The comments felt the same. It triggered so so much because I wonder if I’ve ever felt that way. Sometimes when I like a guy, I’ll copy him. I don’t think I’m jealous of his looks but idk how I can be so sure. I remember once I loved the way a hoodie looked on a boy and felt this intrusive envy. I hate this so much it makes me feel so out of place and down. I just wanna be a woman

@garden aghh a year later but this is me rn. it’s so hard, i’ll find a guy/celeb/character i really like and almost feel like i have to become them in a way? but it doesn’t feel good to copy them, so i know it’s absolutely just intense attraction, but it’s like idk what to do with it and it becomes part of my gender themed ocd :((

@isabo i think what helped me with these doubts and worries was sorta just not engaging with them. which sounds so simple and if someone told me that at the time, it would have felt stupid and hard to do. but it’s true. then again, i guess it’s probably easier as i’m tackling different themes now. attraction is weird and there’s no way of truly gaining certainty (same goes for identity). try your very best to just see this as a grey area that doesn’t need to be solved ❤️

@garden thank you so much for the response. i struggle so much with distinguishing attraction and wanting to be so this theme has truly kicked my butt. but that’s such great advice. i think my issue isn’t that i feel a positive emotion toward men, it’s that i have the need to deconstruct it constantly, making me lose sense of who i am. i’ll do my best to just let it be. thank you <33