i’m not doing therapy, no way in the world. how are you to tell me women have realised they were gay/bi after HOCD. how is that even possible. where they even ever straight then. ffs. I HATE EVERYONE SO MUCH FUCKING HATE MY LIFE I WISH I COULD JUST BE BOOTED UP TO JUPITER AND JUST STAY THERE FOREVER AND NOT SEE ANYONE EVER AGAIN. FUCK.

I am so sorry you are struggling! I did therepy with a therepist who wasn’t a specialist in OCD, and she was great and all, but I always put off sharing my obsessions with her. I was afraid if I told her about my history of HOCD she would say I’m just in denial. People with HOCD deep down I have realized really don’t want these thoughts becuase they don’t emotionally connect with them. Not becuase they are repressing, there’s a differance. For me I think realizing that my OCD tries to latch onto important aspects of our identity, like sexuality, moral code, helps to realize OCD isn’t me.

Not sure who told you this. Not sure it really matters. If there was some woman out there who did realize that: cool. That has nothing to do with you and how your treatment would go. Seeing an ocd specialist and doing ERP is the only way to recover from ocd. And you shouldn’t discount it. https://battlingtheocddemon.wordpress.com/2014/11/04/erp-works-so-why-wont-you-do-it/amp/

I understand your hesitation with finding a therapist. I had a counselor and I was too afraid to tell them my thoughts mostly because I was afraid of their answer and diagnosis. But trust me when you find a good therapist that will take the time to treat you and help you, you’ll feel so much better. I really like my therapist and we’ve built a trustful relationship and ERP treatment that is best suited for me. It does take time and you might not be ready to express your thoughts to your therapist right away. Still don’t be afraid to find one or ask as many questions as you can. I feel so much better and I’m sure you will too.