Heleni
- Date posted
- 4y
elisha124elisha124
- Date posted
- 4y
I’m feeling the exact same. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now. We’ve spoken about having kids soon and then all of a sudden last month the thought randomly popped into my head that I might not be straight even though I know deep down I am. I have been spiralling so much and it’s horrible. Does your boyfriend know what you are going through?
HeleniHeleni
- Date posted
- 4y
Hi I‘m so sorry you are going through this! Yes my bf knows and he is just the most supportiv and amazing partner I could imagine. How about you? Have you told your bf?
elisha124elisha124
- Date posted
- 4y
@Heleni Yeah he’s been so amazing it’s unreal. I panicked when I told him I thought he’d want to leave me. I’ve just had a phone call with a therapist about what I’m feeling and he said it’s ocd. I’ve only just downloaded this app thinking it might help how I’m feeling. It’s good to know I’m not the only one feeling this way.
HeleniHeleni
- Date posted
- 4y
@elisha124 Glad you‘re reaching out for help! And you‘re definitly not alone. Sexual Orientation ocd is really really common.
nGfloatnGfloat
- Date posted
- 4y
Hey Heleni, sorry this monster is bothering you. I am in the same boat. There are many people on here feeling the same way. Feels too real at times. Just sit with the anxiety. We are here for you, you are not alone, and we will get through this all together!
HeleniHeleni
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you so much! I‘m so so greatful for the ocd community. Sending you a hug!
matt_matt_
- Date posted
- 4y
The fact that you are on here tells me you know this is ocd. Right?
HeleniHeleni
- Date posted
- 4y
Honestly I don‘t know anymore ... what if I‘m just using this as a coverup? I really can‘t tell
matt_matt_
- Date posted
- 4y
That’s exactly what ocd wants you to think. I understand that it can literally feel real and that it’s not ocd anymore. But that’s what people with ocd do we psych ourselves out entirely.
HeleniHeleni
- Date posted
- 4y
@matt_ Thank you. It just feels so real and always brings up another proof from my past and it is just so frustrating and confusing
elisha124elisha124
- Date posted
- 4y
I had never heard of it until I googled how I was feeling. I didn’t think it was thing. I watched a YouTube video on it and experienced everything the woman said. It’s horrible. I never expected to feel anything like this. It’s worse becuase my mind tells me I shouldn’t be with the person I love and want a family with.
HeleniHeleni
- Date posted
- 4y
I know exactly what you mean! I would have never known what I was going through is ocd without the internet. I‘m from Germany and we don‘t have many ressources for this particular theme. I would really recommend you to Check out the books written by chrissie hodges and Rose Cartwhright! Ocd is terrible it steals away everything you Love and Care about
elisha124elisha124
- Date posted
- 4y
@Heleni Thankyou so much I’ll have a look at them later on today. Are you on any medication for it?
HeleniHeleni
- Date posted
- 4y
@elisha124 You‘re welcome! No I don‘t take meds but a lot of people find it beneficial for their recovery. My therpist just never brought it up maybe because my Depression only really sets in when I‘m spiraling but I don‘t know
elisha124elisha124
- Date posted
- 4y
I’m starting mine today I just hope they help. The therapist on the phone said they’re perfect for what I’m experiencing. I just want to feel like me again and be excited for the future. I hate this so much
HeleniHeleni
- Date posted
- 4y
I feel you! I have this shit for more than 3 years now! I had multiple other themes but hocd is the most persistent and I hate it! I feel so disconnected from myself. And I don‘t even understand why it bothers me that much because I‘m all for Lgtb rights and everything but it just doesn‘t feel like me and only thinking about leaving my bf absolutly breaks my Heart
HeleniHeleni
- Date posted
- 4y
@Heleni I Hope your meds are going to help!
elisha124elisha124
- Date posted
- 4y
Thankyou so do I. The thing I hate the most about it is the part about me leaving my boyfriend too. I’ve struggled to actually find someone else in a relationship too that’s experiencing it too. He’s not worried about me at all and he’s very supportive I just still think I’m going to lose him or hurt him some way. Have you not had cbt or any help from anyone?
HeleniHeleni
- Date posted
- 4y
Your bf sounds really great. It really does help to get Support from your Partner, I couldn‘t imagine going through this without my bfs love and support. I often can‘t belive that I have someone that great by my side. Remember that ocd attacks what is important to us so no wonder it is attacking your relationship. Yes I‘m doing cbt and it is really effective and I do have times where I‘m getting more control. However I often slip back in old patterns and then everything gets worse and feels real and like I‘m lying and in denial and it is really hard to get back on track. That‘s what has happened the last couple of days after I had a really good week and was making progress.
elisha124elisha124
- Date posted
- 4y
I’m still in lockdown at the moment so I don’t think that’s helping either. I’m just inside all the time thinking about everything and I just keep spiralling. I have a few hours where I feel good and then all of a sudden it pops back into my mind again. I hate it. I’m really hoping that the cbt and the anti depressants help. I don’t know how you’ve coped with this for so long. You’re doing amazing!
HeleniHeleni
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you for your kind words it was just what I needed after this crappy day! Yeah lockdown makes everything worse, try to give yourself a lot of compassion during these days. It is good that your reaching out for help early! I wish you all the best and that you‘ll find the right therapist
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