How do I tell an intrusive thought apart from something I actually want??? When this began I used to have anxiety attacks every day for like 2 months and now I just get butterflies. I can’t tell if it’s something I don’t want anymore 😭

It’s so tough 😭 I just want my friends to stay my friends and that’s all

Thank you for responding! When the feeling fades I get a sense of relief and sadness tbh. Part of me knows what I want in my life but I’m not sure if I’m allowed to have it anymore? It used to bring me a lot of joy to think about and now it’s like... one of my biggest triggers 😭

@aurokoi God I feel this..

@watertilt I’m so sorry. It hurts so bad when something you really wanted is taken from you 🥺

@aurokoi Yeah.. I had expressed it to my therapist like a sense of doom that I had to marry a girl and I'd never be allowed to marry a boy.. which logically sounds ridiculous but.. it's so real in my head ya know? Feels like this dream of my life is just not allowed to happen. I do find erps lowering the intensity of these feelings so.. I guess that's where butterflies happen instead of straight up panic... So maybe we are not supposed to figure out if the butterflies are real or minor anxiety.. we just be with the uncertainty.. I hate it but i know it's what we're supposed to do. We can do this. 💜

@watertilt I’m feeling this... I’m attracted to men but I’ve always just wanted to sort of stay on my own. A major dream of mine was to establish myself before even thinking about getting a husband. Like it would be nice to me but it was hardly a priority or something I actively searched for, but ever since I had a really bad trauma episode this thing took over me. It’s like I’m not allowed to establish myself alone because it means that I’ve never wanted men at all. The feelings towards girls feels so real sometimes that it messes with my head. While I’ve been waiting for my appointment to roll around I’ve been trying just to sit through all of the times I’ve had an intrusive thought or exposed myself to a trigger accidentally. It helps but just leaves me feeling really down. But I believe in you!! You got this !!!

@aurokoi Oh yeah i feel this too.. I feel a pressure to find a relationship where I super didn't before.. like i also wanted to be alone for a while first..and i mean i identify under the asexual spectrum... So like really had no pressure.. but now I'm like I need to find someone asap.. 🤦🏾‍♀️ must not let myself dig into that lol WE can do this! I believe in YOU too!!! :)

@watertilt Omg aspec buddies! I honestly think I’m aro bc I started realizing how fulfilled I felt in my friendships 😭💚 like it feels so comfy to me but ugghhhh the thoughts of ‘what if you’re not tho’ is so hard to ignore bc all my friends are girls and it’s like ooo u wanna kiss em and I’m like bls, I’ve never wanted to 😭. It’s the pressure thing for me toooo like it never bothered me before but now it feels like I need to find someone right away which is also so anxiety inducing 😭 You’re so kind!! ❤️❤️ yes, we can do this 🥺

@aurokoi Hey cool to find someone so like minded on here :P