I’m literally trying to fantasize about Judy Alvarez from cyberpunk and yet I can’t because I see Rei and Asuka on my fucking mind. I used to like them because I thought they were older until I realized they were 14. WHAT THE FUUCCCKKKKK

@SOOCD I've read it. You posted it like 7 times. You are seeking reassurance and that's really not going to help you so I can't comment on your story. This compulsive posting is only going to make it worse. Try to just letting the thoughts be instead of saying "I am straight" or posting for someone online to counteract them. You can even try to agree with the thoughts. Do your ERP homework friend. You can't win this way. Best of luck. 💜

What do you think of fantasizing and posting being a compulsion?

@watertilt I’m trying to stop that. But I love fantasizing about women my age or older very much. I loved women and I always will. I just wish that my HOCD and POCD wouldn’t get in the way of that. Fantasizing about women is something I love to do.

@SOOCD Yes I understand that but do you think maybe you are doing it more often recently so that you can answer your questions about sexuality and all?

So if it's a mixture, you probably should cut it out until you have control and mindfulness over the compulsions. You don't want to cause more damage by reassuring yourself. As for repeatedly posting being a compulsion, what do you think?

@watertilt I just panic. It feels like my HOCD and POCD story is only specific to me. That Im the exception to the rule. I fucking hate my HOCD and POCD so much.

@SOOCD Yes I agree it's probably panic. The panic and anxiety about the idea you might be gay or a pedophile makes you crave an answer or rebuttal but that is EXACTLY what you need to deny yourself. Posting for someone to reassure you that you are not what you think or not the exception or that they also feel this way or that is actually feeding the monster. The monster will only get more hungry. You really have to be mindful of what you are doing to yourself by posting these. What people think of you, what you think of you, and what will or will not happen is not for you or anyone to figure out any longer. You have to learn to let alone the anxiety and uncertainty of every thing your brain throws at you. Let it be. It's the only way out of the jungle.

@watertilt Do you agree?

@watertilt I’m just in a shitty place. I liked a girl when I was 17 and she was 15 but nothing ever came of it. I got rejected and I moved on and we still remained friends. I’m just scared that since I’m 19 and i found her cute (17 now I think) that I might be a pedo in denial and I’m scared of that notion.

@SOOCD But you realize that is your ocd trying to make you figure it out right?