I have HOCD. How can I tell my girlfriend that I have doubts about whether I am gay? How can she ever feel comfortable around me knowing that I may be dating the very fundamental question about my secular identity and whether I actually am attracted to her? Wouldn’t telling her devastate her? Should I keep these hocd fears to myself forever? Is it unfair to tell her this? I have constant anxiety that maybe I don’t truly like the feeling when I kiss her and wonder “what if I don’t like it because what if I’m gay?” “What if I don’t love her?” “What if she thinks I’m gay?” “What it I’m hiding it? What if I’m repressing being gay?” “What if I’m ruining her life by misleading her?” I can’t enjoy any time with her since these fears are constantly on my mind especially when kissing her. There is no way for me to stop these mental compulsions - I have tried and cannot do it. Wouldn’t life be better off if she broke up with me so she could find a more suitable guy who wouldn’t doubt whether he loved her or was even attracted to her? There is no therapy on earth that will work to make my life better. I have tried ERP and it does not work for me in this area. Will I ruin her life if I confess to her? Will I ruin her life if I hold this back and do not tell her until much later and then cause her even more pain?

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

Hey man this sounds a lot like me rn, I have been dealing with HOCD now since the pandemic started and have a girlfriend of 4 years. I’ve pretty much told her everything at the beginning when it started and she literally was the most supportive and loving person when I told her. I mean of course HOCD makes your relationship extremely fucking hard (trust me), if you tell her and show her some research behind it she will prob understand man

footballsocc...

Date posted: 4y

Thanks. I don’t know how she will react. I don’t know why I have these feelings. I’ve had this obsession for 20 years off and on and never dealt with it in ERP except for the past week. I really don’t know what to do. The not being able to enjoy kissing is awful. Do I really not enjoy it or do my OCD mental compulsions during kissing cause me not to enjoy it or both? I know these are questions that no one can answer. I find ERP treatment so contradictory. I’ve essentially given up hope. I’m glad your girlfriend has been so supportive. That’s awesome.

o ocd

Date posted: 4y

Hey man, I can’t even enjoy kissing or barely get it up to have sex with my girlfriend. It’s been hell, it truly makes me feel like I’m not into her anymore.

footballsocc...

Date posted: 4y

I hear your pain. Same for me. Maybe it’s the meds side effects. Maybe not. Life is horrible when we can’t enjoy basic things like sex.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

When mine first started and then awhile after that I couldn’t do these things with my girlfriend either but those things are much better now. The problem for me now is I was always so happy to think of marrying her and being with her forever and now those thoughts give me severe anxiety which makes me so upset bc I don’t know why they do. U know what I mean?

footballsocc...

Date posted: 4y

@Anonymous I hear you. Did you tell her you have these feelings?

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@footballsoccer2019 No I haven’t really told her about the future fears and anxiety

o ocd

Date posted: 4y

Yeah I don’t know, I don’t take meds, I also do erp with a therapist but whenever I do it I don’t get anxiety of the thoughts anymore, I feel like it’s not helping

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