- Username
- footballsoccer2019
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hey man this sounds a lot like me rn, I have been dealing with HOCD now since the pandemic started and have a girlfriend of 4 years. I’ve pretty much told her everything at the beginning when it started and she literally was the most supportive and loving person when I told her. I mean of course HOCD makes your relationship extremely fucking hard (trust me), if you tell her and show her some research behind it she will prob understand man
Thanks. I don’t know how she will react. I don’t know why I have these feelings. I’ve had this obsession for 20 years off and on and never dealt with it in ERP except for the past week. I really don’t know what to do. The not being able to enjoy kissing is awful. Do I really not enjoy it or do my OCD mental compulsions during kissing cause me not to enjoy it or both? I know these are questions that no one can answer. I find ERP treatment so contradictory. I’ve essentially given up hope. I’m glad your girlfriend has been so supportive. That’s awesome.
Hey man, I can’t even enjoy kissing or barely get it up to have sex with my girlfriend. It’s been hell, it truly makes me feel like I’m not into her anymore.
I hear your pain. Same for me. Maybe it’s the meds side effects. Maybe not. Life is horrible when we can’t enjoy basic things like sex.
When mine first started and then awhile after that I couldn’t do these things with my girlfriend either but those things are much better now. The problem for me now is I was always so happy to think of marrying her and being with her forever and now those thoughts give me severe anxiety which makes me so upset bc I don’t know why they do. U know what I mean?
@Anonymous I hear you. Did you tell her you have these feelings?
@footballsoccer2019 No I haven’t really told her about the future fears and anxiety
Yeah I don’t know, I don’t take meds, I also do erp with a therapist but whenever I do it I don’t get anxiety of the thoughts anymore, I feel like it’s not helping
Ok... I was doing good until a few weeks ago. I really was making a lot of progress until a few weeks ago. Backdoor spikes turned up and ocd came back with full force. Or at least I think it's ocd... I hope it is. My theme is hocd, by the way. I try to not give the thoughts much attention, but they're making me mad. It feels so real, and when I see coming out stories it just adds up, as if I should come out too. It terrifies me, every day I think about wanting to die, to not wake up, to cease existing. It's been so draining, and so lonely. I don't want to be in the closet, I don't want to have romantic relationships with women. And ocd makes me question why that: because of my morals? What if your sexuality goes deeper than your morals and you're just denying you like women? Maybe you should try it out, you'd like it. This scares me so. much. And the thing is: I watch same sex porn. It turns me on. I've seen on the internet many women actually watch same sex porn, but ocd makes me question if my case isn't different from other women. All the time I'm worried that I'll just lose control and kiss any woman that's by my side. I haven't had any experience with men either, as I'm reserved and a hopeless romantic (high expectations). I've liked men before, though, and I still have many crushes today. Ocd tries to convince me this is just a cover up. This is just destroying my life. This is daily torture, I can't imagine myself living with this forever. What am I supposed to tell my eventual boyfriend, my husband? How am I supposed to have children in this state of mind? What if some day I just snap out of this and actually realize I'm gay? What if this question is actually me already admitting that I am in fact gay? Honestly, it's too much. This was quite hard to write, and I tried to include here as much as possible of my insecurities. If you read till here I'm grateful. Just wanted to say that I DON'T have anything against gay people, even though they're making me very anxious since this all started, which adds up to my endless collection of intrusive thoughts (it makes me think I'm in denial because of some prejudice).
HOCD, ROCD and TOCD . . . So my OCD recently all began with ROCD, I felt guilty all the time with my boyfriend, I wanted to stay with him so bad and I love him so much but my anxiety kept telling me to leave and that something wasn't right, that I'm going to be alone forever. Then my HOCD came up, "something doesn't seem right, what if you're actually gay?" and I struggled with this for about 2-3 months. After accepting that even if I am gay, I'm staying with my boyfriend.. The theme of being a transgender came up. That was the absolute worst of them all. It was at a time my anxiety was at its Peak so I was feeling disassociated and my mind just tried to explain that feeling as "you're in the wrong body". I was thoroughly convinced I was a man in a girls body for a solid 3 weeks, I woke up and that was the first thing on my mind "your a man and now youre going to lose your boyfriend, your life and everything that makes you, you." I didn't want to be a man, but my mind was saying "too bad, you are". I eventually went to therapy for this feeling, (they didn't diagnose me with OCD so they weren't treating me as an OCD patient) the thoughts eventually went away but now I'm back on my HOCD. Ive now thorougly convinced myself that I'm gay and will be with a woman for the rest of my life. I don't want to be and this thought scares me. I want to be with my boyfriend, not a woman. But my mind is saying "too bad, just accept that your a lesbian, you're in denial, just come out" but I don't want to be a lesbian ? can anyone relate to the feeling of convincing yourself to the point where you believe it?
Hi there everyone, I’m really struggling with obsessive thoughts over my relationship with my girlfriend. Everything was going so well for the first couple months and one day I started doubting - ever since then I’ve been trying to combat thoughts that our relationship is doomed to fail. I used to love my girlfriend, now I keep getting intrusive anxious thoughts about breaking up with her and scrutinising her appearance. I spent a few years struggling before with HOCD but I’m free of that now, now I feel I’m heading into a spiral of obsession over whether on not this relationship is right. I don’t want my girlfriend to suffer and loose faith in me whilst I act all weird around her. How do I stay present to her and cope through it? Thanks
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