TRIGGER WARNING I have NOT been diagnosed with ocd BUT I am pretty sure that i have ocd and my mum called the doctors they said it sounds like ocd I'm 12 if this helps anything I struggle to even write things and i normally can't do work because i stress out i cross out the work over and over again i sometimes can't even put my hand on the paper or over the paper or something or whatever because then im "slitting my wrists" or "slitting my neck" or whatever and it stresses me out sometimes i get shouted at by my teachers for not doing any work or barely any work most of the time the teachers dont notice but then they dont notice me crying over it either I think ive always or for ages that ive mainly thought about things before I say them or do them like just so i know what to say or do but now its like I plan it incase i do something that could trigger me or would trigger me (i dont know if its because of this or because of different reasons but im guessing this because i have no other explaination and i dont know if this is ocd but i think it is) and i have to do "fuck off lilly no your not no you dont shut up lilly no your not no you dont" or "shut up lilly fuck off lilly" or like "fuck off lilly fuck off lilly fuck off lilly fuck off lilly shut up lilly shut up lilly shut up lilly shut up lilly" or "shut up lilly shut up lilly shut up lilly shut up fuck off lilly fuck off lilly fuck off lilly fuck off lilly" however many times it feels nesicary and what ever order feels nesicary I also struggle to get changed or unchanged alot because i start repeating it loads of times and if i dont i stress out. I think its because if i dont I'm "slitting my wrists" or "slitting my neck" and it stresses me out also when i walk like in or out of my bathroom i have to keep repeating it and walking in or out of my bedroom i have to keep repeating it or like up or down my stairs or in and out my sisters room and things like that and if i dont i stress out I also tell my mum mostly everything and i can tell she doesn't care its mainly my mum but i sometimes tell other people too and i can tell they dont care either and if anyone interrupts me i have to start again or whatever and if whoever im telling don't answer me i have to start again or whatever and i sometimes ask them if they listened or something or whatever and if they don't answer me i make them listen and then i say or do it again or something or whatever Sometimes I breathe weird or wrong then i keep doing it until it feels or sounds right or just nesicary and i sometimes do it with blinking too and i do many repetitive things because of it too because i didnt blink right or breathe right whilst i did it or i did breathe right or did blink right whilst i did it and it stresses me out I sometimes have thoughts and the other day or once or one time or something or whatever or whatever or something it told me that my house would set on fire or something or whatever I sometimes have thoughts about harming myself or suicide that i DO NOT want to do AT ALL and it stresses me out I think it has been really bad this week or something or whatever or whatever or something to the point where I got my friend to do my work for me (we were only supposed to copy the board) This is also it Ive had ocd for years they keep changing i used to do numbers even numbers then odd numbers then washing my hands now its harm ocd (and unplugging plugs but i didnt know that was a sign of ocd but when i do unplugg and plug in things i have to do it loads of times) i think about harming people and myself that i DO NOT want to do and i hate it it tortures me i have to think "f*** off (my name) no your not no you dont shut up (my name) no your not no you dont" i have to walk over or past things alot of times becsuse it "slits my wrists" or "slits my neck" and i dont want that to happen so i do the things and i even dont do school work because if i write things wrong i have to cross and cross things out and write them loads of times just to cross them out again and put loads of dots and underline things loads of times and sometimes i cant even put my hand on the paper because its "slitting my wrists" or "slitting my neck" and i dont want to put my self under that much stress so sometimes i just dont do it so i dont get stressed but sometimes i get stressed and carry on and then takes ages to stop and when i stop i dont want to start again incase it starts again and i get shouted at by my teachers for not doing any work most of the time the teachers dont notice that ive done none or not much but then they dont notice me crying over it anyway the worse part is mental health day or when they talk about mental health because all they talk about is depression i know depression is bad but why cant you talk about other things like ocd like eating disorders why cant you just talk about the problems im facing and what other people are facing instead of depression all the time ive told teachers about this my old head of year i told her more than ive told any other teacher more than ive told any one i think actually but theyre no help ive never been to a therapist or whatever you have for things like this i really want to go to one because i think i need one but i feel really awkward talking about things like normal things like underwear and puberty and mental health I feel like ill never be normal i feel like i cant have a normal life like bring up a kid and that breaks my heart all the time and that if i ever have a kid i cant bring it up properly or it'll look at me weird or that ill pass it onto them I hate what happens to me in my mind everyday it tortures me everyday I hate that i look at myself abit differently learning its a disability Now that i think of it and i really dont want to say this but a few times i have thought about people sexually any ages normally not even my own i DONT want to think like this I sometimes think about suicide but i dont know if thats an instrusive thought because i DO NOT want to commit suicide AT ALL I hate how my life has come to me not being able to tell my parents or anyone my problems i hate hate HATE IT i dont know what to do...

Right I need some serious help. Well where do I begin, I have been doing rituals since 4 years ago. I started doing rituals because I think I was having a really bad week at school and when I started doing the rituals they seemed to be making things better, and gradually I just started doing loads of them and I just lost track of how many I had, it was unbearable. Fast forward 4 years and here I am, I was upset anyway because I was feeling anxious because someone looked at me funny and I started panicking and I was thinking stuff like, what if they hate me and why were they looking at me. At the time I was opening up to my mum and we was watching a series at the time I was opening up to her. Then suddenly, a scene came on where there were terrorists and I just froze, what if I am a terrorist, and since then I haven’t been able to get out of my head the thought of being a terrorist and my mind convincing me that I am one even though I know I am not. I am still struggling with these thoughts now and your mind really does a good job in to thinking you are an evil terrorist even though deep down you know you’d never do something like that. I have managed to stop the rituals now but I still suffer with the thoughts which makes me think “maybe it isn’t OCD then as I don’t do any compulsions, maybe I am just evil” and then I always get stressed out and reply with “No, I am not” which I know isn’t good and I try to not reply and just let them be there but I just don’t know how to, it’s so hard. I’m really impatient with meditating. When I first started having the thoughts I couldn’t eat, I can eat now and go out but I am always getting the thoughts. The only time I don’t get the thoughts is if I am really busy doing stuff like work etc, I also get the same thing with like school shootings anything to do with that sort of terrorism stuff, I hate it so much. I have been to the doctors and I am on antidepressants and I am also getting therapy for it but will it help me? Would you say I have OCD? My intrusive thoughts always seem to target the things I like most so for example they target when I go to football games, my brain tells me I am going to commit an attack here and it makes me upset and it also happens when I go to college and my brain tells me I am going to commit an attack there which also upsets me. My brain also tells me when I start working (which I want to do) I am going to spend all of my money on weapons which therefore prevents me from wanting to get a job which means I can’t buy stuff that I want or start driving as I need money for it. Lately, my OCD has been weird because I have been getting the thoughts but I don’t get as anxious which makes me feel like, maybe it is just me, maybe I am a terrorist, maybe I will act on it which therefore makes me feel weird and scares me a bit but doesn’t scare me as much as it should do because I want to be really scared of the thought of acting out on it (which I used to be) but now I don’t react to it with as much anxiety but the thoughts are there and I feel like I should be reacting to them in a way where I shut them down but I am not. This all stemmed from when my doctor asked me, “am I planning something” and I said no but since then it has just stuck in my head and it has been like, “what if I am planning something” or what if I do plan something. Lately, I’ve been talking to a girl that I really like and my thoughts targeted her because I really like her, like when I met her my brain was telling me I was going to hurt her or her family when I obviously wasn’t going to and I’ve tried to just let the thoughts be there but sometimes it just gets too much for you and you can’t not get emotional. I cried a lot the other day about it. I’m starting therapy tomorrow so hopefully I can get some help. I also seem to get triggered by reading about what other people experienced because I read about other people’s experiences with their OCD and some had paedophilic OCD and I was like what if I am one of them? And then I looked at a young girl and my brain told me I was attracted to her but I obviously wasn’t but that one came for like 2 days non stop and then stopped. When I hear loud noises I also think about terrorism things like, gun shots or bombs and it really scares me. I also have horrible thoughts like, what if I get angry and act out on any thoughts and it really stresses me out or what if one of my close family members pass and I act out in a bad way due to not coping with the grief. I also get quite worried because I never see anyone with my sort of intrusive thoughts and it makes me feel like it isn’t OCD which stresses me out and makes me overthink. That isn’t even getting started on my relationship with my girlfriend. I have been booked in for CBT therapy in 3 months, but will it actually help me? Will it actually improve my life? Sorry for the really long message, I just really need some help.

UPDATED VERSION, MAYBE SAVE THIS TO RE READ. TRIGGER WARNING. This is a list of all the OCD'S I can think of. Please feel free to add to any in the comment section below. I don't go through each compulsion to get rid of the thoughts, but I go through most of the obsessions. I hope this one day helps at least one person, to know that they are not a weirdo. OCD is a recurring thought (obsession), that you try to prevent, or get rid of the anxiety about (compulsion), e.g, checking your mind to make sure you didn’t do a criminal act, or checking everyone is okay to make sure you didn’t kill, assault, offend, or hurt them, or checking they are okay with you so you know you didn’t cause them to doubt how lovely you deep down know you are, because of how strange you acted when certain things were brought up in conversation. Checking your body for any sexual feelings about intrusive thoughts you wish you didn’t have because you can’t get rid of them. All of these thoughts make you doubt who you are, you get urges to do things which you know you wouldn’t ever want to do because for one, it’s disgusting, and horrendous, and for two, it would fuck your life up. OCD latches onto anything that could fuck your life up. Making you doubt who you are and question how much prevention you need to take.Even the kindest, yes, one of the kindest OCD thoughts, like “If I don’t tap the candle someone in my family is going to die and it will be all my fault”, can make you question how much control you actually have. Pedophelia OCD - Worrying you are, will be, did something without knowing, convinced everyone/someone else is, or everyone thinks you are a pedophile, worrying everyone thinks you think they’re a pedophile. Can come with groinal response. Crime OCD- Worrying you will, have or want to, or someone else will or has, or wants to, worrying everyone else thinks you have, committed any type of crime, worrying everyone thinks you think they’ve done a crime, e.g. pedophelia, stealing, cannibalism, murder, fraud, an affair, vandalism, rape etc. Can come with groinal response. Animal OCD- worrying you will/have, want to, or worrying others will; have or wants to, worrying everyone thinks you have, killed, hurt or been sexual with an animal, worrying everyone thinks you think they’ve done something to an animal. Can come with groinal response. Groinal response OCD: This is a sexual response you get to an intrusive thought. You can get aroused from it, because you’re worried you will so you do, and also the fact that it is a sexual thought and your brain sometimes treats any sexual things as just that. This doesn’t mean anything about you as a person. You can get it any time your intrusive thought is triggered. Sexual feeling is different than desire. Harm OCD- Worried you will/have or want to or worried others will/have or want to, worrying others think you have, harmed someone else or yourself, worrying everyone thinks you think they’ve harmed someone. Suicide OCD- Worried you’ll kill yourself when you don’t want to, worried everyone thinks you want to kill yourself, worrying everyone thinks you think they want to kill themselves. Contamination OCD-Worried you will/have or want to, contaminate yourself or other people, worried others will/have or want to, contaminate themselves or other people, worried other people think you have contaminated yourself or other people, not just by things that could hold germs, but by things like poison, e.g worried you put bleach in foods unknowingly or have a false memory of it etc, worrying everyone thinks you think they’ve contaminated people. Paranoia OCD- Paranoid that cameras are watching you in your own home etc. Acting a certain way when you feel watched. Scared that aliens are coming to get you, worrying you're in a parallel universe and that everyone knows you've came from a parallel universe, but you. Feeling like you can't trust anyone. Fake OCD: Thinking you might not have OCD and you're just faking it. Hoarding OCD: Hoarding things in case you need it in the future, stuff can date back from donkey's years ago. Correct OCD: Feeling the need to make sure everything you say is correct. No mistakes. Also feeling the need to make sure what someone else says is correct. If someone swears on their life you tell them to take it back in case they aren't telling the truth because you don't want them to die. Religious OCD- Worrying you have/ will/ want to, do something against your religion, worrying others have/will/wants to, do something against their religion, worrying everyone thinks you’ve done something against your religion, worrying everyone thinks you think they’ve done something against their religion. Can come with groinal response. Possession OCD- Worried you will/have or want to, worried someone else will/has/wants to, get possessed, worried others think you’re possessed, worried others think you think they’re possessed. Can come with groinal response. Straight OCD- Worried you will/have or want to, worried others will/have or want to, turn straight, worried others think you’re straight,worrying everyone thinks you think they’re straight. Can come with groinal response. Trichotillomania OCD: Hair pulling OCD. Can involve counting the hairs you pull out. Feeling an intense compulsion to pull the hairs out and obsessively thinking about it. Eating disorder (I think it's an OCD): Believing if you eat certain foods you'll get fat, believing you're fat when you're not. Dieting to the extreme etc. Or believing you're too skinny when you're not, and eating excessively to gain weight. Appearance change OCD: Feeling the need to constantly change your appearance or be extremely focused on one imperfection etc. Thinking people will look at that one thing all the time etc. Homosexual OCD- Worried you will/have or want to, worried others will/have or want to, turn gay, worried others think you’re gay, worrying everyone thinks you think they’re gay. Can come with groinal response. Transgender OCD- Worried you will/have or want to, worried others will/have or want to, turn transgender, worried that others think you are transgender, worrying everyone thinks you think they’re transgender. Can come with groinal response. Inscest OCD: Worried you will/have/want to, worried others will/have/want to, do Inscest. Worried people think you've done Inscest, worried people think you think they've done Inscest. Can come with groinal response. Existential OCD- Worried you will/have/want/need to figure out the meaning of life, worried others will/have/want/need to figure out the meaning of life, worried people think you know the meaning of life, or you don’t know the meaning of life enough, worrying everyone thinks you think they know the meaning of life. Health OCD- Worried you have many different illnesses, worried other people have many different illnesses, worried you or they will get many different illnesses, worried they think you have many different illnesses, worrying everyone thinks you think they have many different illnesses. Social anxiety (I think it is OCD)- Worried you will go red, shake, faint, panic, etc, worried others will go red, shake, faint, panic, etc, worried that you or others will do anything inappropriate in a social setting, worried others think you’ve done something inappropriate in a social setting, worrying everyone thinks you think they’ve done something inappropriate in a social setting. Relationship OCD- Worried you or your partner will stop loving each other, worried you or your partner have stopped loving each other, worried your partner thinks you don’t love them anymore, worrying everyone thinks you think they don’t love you anymore. Can come with groinal response about someone else. Checking OCD- Worried you or other people, left,turned on,or endangered yourself and/or other people in some way, with machinery that are rarely but potentially hazardous, worried other people think you left,turned on,or endangered yourself and/or other people in some way, with machinery that are rarely but potentially hazardous on purpose, or you’ll be judged even if it was by accident, worried people think you think they left,turned on,or endangered yourself and/or other people in some way, with machinery that are rarely but potentially hazardous. Cheating OCD- Worrying you will/have or want to, worried your partner will/has.wants to, cheat, worried your partner thinks you’ve cheated, worried your partner thinks you think they’ve cheated. Can come with groinal response. Mind reading OCD- Worried everyone can/will/wants to, read your mind, worried you can/will/want to, read everyone’s mind, worrying everyone thinks you can read their mind, worrying everyone thinks you think they can read your mind or that you can read theirs. Body Image OCD: Worried your body image is disfigured/ugly/smelly/abnormal, worried other’s bodies are disfigured/ugly/smelly/abnormal, worried everyone thinks your body is disfigured/ugly/smelly/abnormal, worried everyone thinks you think their body is disfigured/ugly/smelly/abnormal. Worried that you walk funny, talk funny, worried you feel physically weird and out of this world, an OCD detachment from reality, worried something is wrong with you. Worried that other people walk funny, talk funny, worried there is something wrong with them. Worried other people think you walk funny, talk funny, worried they think you look physically weird and out of this world. Sleep OCD: Worried you don’t sleep enough or you sleep too much, worried you’ll never sleep again, worried other people sleep too much or not enough, worried they will never sleep again. Worried they worry you’ll never sleep again but they just aren’t telling you. Death OCD: Worried you are going to die because of things like loss of concentration, not remembering things, brain fog, becoming slower etc. Dead OCD: Worrying you are dead or other people are dead or everyone thinks you are dead, or everyone thinks you think they’re dead. Word OCD- Words triggering embarrassment in case everyone thinks you’ve done something wrong within the concept that they are talking about. Unconscious OCD- Worried you will act on your thoughts unconsciously or that someone else will act on their thoughts unconsciously. Worried everyone thinks you will act on your thoughts unconsciously, worrying everyone thinks you think they will act on their thoughts unconsciously. Magical OCD- Thinking words or phrases or actions or people or things, hold great power to prevent or induce terrible events, worrying everyone thinks your words or phrases or actions or people or things, hold great power to prevent or induce terrible events, worrying everyone thinks you think your words or phrases or actions or people or things, hold great power to prevent or induce terrible events. False memory OCD - Believing you remember you acting on one of your OCD’s listed above or down below, believing other people remember you acting on one of your OCD’s listed above or down below, worrying people think you’ve acted on one of your OCD’s listed above or down below, worried people think you think they’ve acted on one of the OCD’s listed above or down below, but you haven’t and somewhere in your brain you know that. Typing OCD - Worrying you will, did, everyone thinks you did, or someone else did or will type one of your OCD’s online or write it down etc, worrying everyone thinks you think they typed one of your OCD’s online or wrote it down etc. False confession OCD: Worried you’ll confess to something you haven’t done. Speaking OCD: Worried you’ll speak out your intrusive thoughts. Just right OCD - If I don’t do this, or others don’t do this, then something bad will happen, worried other people think you’ve made something bad happen, worried other people think you think they’ve made something bad happen. Worrying you make people uncomfortable with how odd you seem when things trigger your checking or anxiety OCD (a few others have this but there is no name to it): worrying people think you make people uncomfortable with how odd you seem when things trigger your checking or anxiety. THIS IS JUST SOME, OF THE ENDLESS OCD’S. There are so many more. Carry on us OCD lot, we’re so ill but hopefully there’ll be a cure soon. The worst possible things that could happen from doing some of these things (we won’t, I’m just saying this because the scarier the worst possible scenario, the more the intrusive thoughts keep popping up), is we would lose our family and friends and get sent to prison and the death penalty would come to England and we’d be put to death. But to be honest, actual prison is better than the prison that lives in our minds. And death is something that happens to us all eventually anyway. It's OCD guys, stay strong!

Hi everyone, this is probably going to be long, so sorry for that I need some assurance.. Im going mad I don't see a doctor in 15 years because I thought that whatever I end up having I get better or I just die, so I have no ideia If I have OCD. But you know what Im afraid.. Being a pedophile. Im 30, and a week ago I was living my normal life and suddenly out of nowhere I get a horrrible thought.. Hurting a child. I realize that and start thinking what the hell, why did that pop in my head? And start analyzing it over and over in my head and I began being overwhelmed with thoughts of hurting children, and I worried more and more, couldnt stop thinking about it.. I barely slept that night When I woke up, the thoughts slowly came back but worse, now it was sexual related.. And thats when my life truly became hell on earth. These thoughts/images were pretty much in mind all the time and anything would trigger, sometimes not even a trigger is needed, they just appear and get stuck in my head.. Like there was two me in my mind. And without realizing, I started doubting myself.. Will I ever hurt children? Am I evil? Am I.. a pedo? I started walking inside my house randomly when it gets really bad, shaking my feet or legs when sitting, and I check my penis all the time now.. I even compare the size it is and sometimes if its even 1cm longer, I panic and do it all over again.. mind you I never got an erection.. I even torture myself thinking about these thoughts just to check and it pains me, makes me feel physically sick even. These things are pretty much automatic, I do them without even realizing it sometimes. I argue with myself in my mind, i seek comfort in memories but they are somewhat changed making me doubt even more.. I avoid thinking about my niece that I love and miss so much, just so these horrific images/thoughts don't show her. My head feels so heavy, like its about to explode, I thought about killing myself, I avoid children, just the mere mention of one makes me anxious and worried.. What if Im really a pedo? What if I end up hurting children? What if? What if? Always what ifs.. But then I get the thought that I am a pedo and have to accept it and I argue with that thought trying to prove its wrong and the reasons.. And so on and on I don't even masturbate anymore with these thoughts popping in my head I never had these thoughts before, always loved women and their body and never had thoughts about children like that in my life. My life was always a mess, depression, backstabs from people I trusted, anti-social and social awkward, emptyness, and so on... But then my niece was born and she was like a light in that sent my hollowness away.. She is 7 and she is a part of my life since she was born, we are very close.. Im not even joking when I say that when she was little, she would cry if I had to leave, but she wouldn't if her dad or mom went away as long as she was with me.. she gave my life a meaning, made me feel like someone important in this world and I vowed to protect her at all costs.. And now I am afraid if she comes near me, I am afraid she will think I don't love her.. Its breaking my heart just thinking about it.. She is the most important person to me in the world.. And now I need to protect her.. From me.. I cry everyday, I cant find comfort anywhere, I argue with myself all the time, I feel a demon.. Or even worse than that.. I honestly just want it to end, I pray for that everyday.. I can honestly say that this is and will always be the worst thing that happened to me and Im 100% sure of it. This is hell on earth for me, I would rather be dead, crazy, a killer, whatever.. I dont know for how long I can endure this.. Its pretty hard, trust me.. I cant enjoy what little life I had before.. I just want to die, I even told God to just kill me cause I cant take it anymore.. And its been only one week of this.. Ever since my hell started, I do google searches regarding these thoughts everyday and try to find some comfort and yesterday I posted my situation on a YouTube video of a girl talking about POCD and I felt much better that night.. Like I was me again, didnt have any of these thoughts but I could hear a low voice in my head all the time saying that I should worry, are you a pedo? You are a pedo, etc.. But I ignored it and it was a relief.. I always thought my life before this was baby, but that night my previous life looked like the best thing ever.. I was so happy, I thought about my niece clearly without any random shit that my brains decides to pop added, I cried, I thanked god, I thought I was myself again.. But then I woke up.. And for a while these thoughts and images were trying to gain control but I stood strong for a while.. And now Im here.. I lost the battle.. So.. Can I have some kind of OCD or am I just a monster? Please be honest.. Cause if I end up being indeed a pedo, I will make sure I will never see my niece again, never be near kids or watch shows with them, I will tell my family about the monster I am and will seek castration or something. BTW, like yesterday, talking about it is making me feel better.