I make progreas and then take a giant leap back with OCD. I still feel like Im actually gay and not bi and I lying to myself about loving my BF. I feel disconnected with him, I lost attraction for men and only nitce women. It has to be OCD. I went a good chunk of my life in anytbing, thinking I was straight because I didn't find women attractive alot. Now im here

Thanks. Its so strange how this works. I resisted compulsions earlier today and now I feel like im being punished for it

@Iwashere2 Well resisting compulsions isn’t going to end up with less anxiety at first. Sometimes it takes more time. For me it took me a week with one compulsion and I finally felt good. It takes time. Consistency and no rumination. Yes resisting compulsions is going to spike the hell out of your anxiety, but you have to learn how to resist even paying attention to that too. It’s hard. I struggle more than you think, my advice is hard to eat, but you CAN do it.

Idk if its a compulsion but I start to feel better when I hug myself and tell myself that I need to love myseld before I love my BF.

@Iwashere2 Depends on when you do it I think?

@Serio? I kinda use it in lieu of ruminating on the theme. Helps me calm down but it doesn't take away the anxiety

@Iwashere2 I did it earlier and I started crying

@Iwashere2 I think that is better but I would suggest just grounding instead of a mantra like that.

@Serio? You're right. I gotta figure that out

@Iwashere2 Yea, don’t be too hard on yourself though. And don’t try to monitor too closely to make sure you’re doing it perfect. Accept the anxiety and this circumstance right now because it won’t last forever. I totally relate to this feeling and I’m sorry you go through it.

@Serio? Yeah I just notice that I don't give myself alot of love and I put alot of value about taking care of others at the expense of myself so my thoughts are the complete opposite and I think OCD feeds on it.

@Iwashere2 But I also value my authentic life so its like 2 different intrusive thoughts fighting eachother

It was weird for the longest time I thought I was lying to myself and I was actually straight cause I wasn't interested in a lot of women. But there were some women who would just absolutely throw me into stomach in butterflies. And the more comfortable being out the more I found certain women attractive.

@Iwashere2 I feel guilty now, i was closeted from my mom for the longest time and now that she knows and she's okay with it I get thoughts that I forced myself in a straight relationship for no reason. And I feel incredibly guilty for thinking that to begin with