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- 4y
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes, it’s happened to me- I know that reassurance isn’t the way to go with ocd but the truth is if that thought sparks loads of anxiety, it’s probably not true
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- 4y
Omg that’s so relieving. Thank you. I hadn’t heard of anyone talk about this particular thought before.
FathomableFathomable
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- 4y
Well, I assumed I was monogamous, and then I learned about polyamory and it didn't appeal to me very much, but then I learned about non-heirarchical polyamory and the principles of not artificially restricting relationships in accordance with the expectations of society or others. And that does appeal to me. But I also, whether it's because of social expectations or not idk, like the sense of security you get from having a closed, monogamous relationship. I think the reality is that being monogamous or poly isn't a personal trait like having blue eyes or brown, it's a lifestyle choice. Everybody is capable of having crushes on more than one person at once, and some people choose to live a life where they can persue valuable relationships with more than strictly one person at a time. I basically think you've got the wrong end of the stick. But that's common. Hell, in ancient Rome they didn't even have concepts of gay, straight, bisexual etc, you just did whatever you felt like without labels and without it being seen or felt to be a part of your identity. Relationships, orientation, gender... the vast majority of this stuff is socially constructed, not actually real and it's actually pretty silly that our way of trying to empower people's freedom of choice is by labelling labelling labelling, rather than by just respecting people's choices about how they live their lives. I haven't decided whether I want to live polyamorously or not yet, but I'll probably try it at some point and see how well it works for my own life.
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- 4y
What ocd do u have?
FathomableFathomable
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- 4y
@ I've had a bunch of different ones, some very unique.
FathomableFathomable
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@ But yeah, polyamory/monogamy isn't an identity, an orientation, genetic or a fixed thing about a person, it's not something deep down to be discovered etc, it's literally a lifestyle/values choice you actively make. I have numerous poly friends and they all agree.
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- 4y
@Scoggy So you don’t think it’s something that I have to worry about?
FathomableFathomable
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- 4y
@ I don't think it makes sense to worry about, no. Maybe one day you'll get crushes on more than one person at once and consider living polyamorously. I know that if you got in that situation, you'd consider your own preferences and your lifestyle and social preferences and other friendships and family etc and come to a decision about what you'd like to do. Nobody else will be in charge of that decision and make you live a life you don't want to live. It'll be fine to try it and see if it makes you happy, and you'd be able to decide whether you want to continue or not. These things are all life decisions which are up to you, there's no mysterious thing about you to discover which would make those decisions for you. I have friends who were monogamous, became poly, now they're monogamous again. It's not that they can't have feelings for more than one person anymore, nor are they excluding the possibility for the future, it's just that they choose to have a monogamous relationship and lifestyle. They're doing what works for their lives and happiness right now. Lots of people prefer the safety and security and social acceptance of being monogamous, and that's absolutely fine. Everybody makes their own decisions about these things. To me, it seems kinda like you're worrying about something you have full control over. It's like you have always driven Toyotas and you're panicking that 'deep down you actually want' a Volvo and are a Volvo-person and therefore might never 'be able/get to' drive a Toyota again even though you love Toyotas. And could be condemned to driving Volvo's forever and being miserable. It's a little weird. You get to choose what car you drive. If you genuinely looked at a Volvo and liked the idea of driving one, you could get one. If you didn't like it, you could exchange it for a Toyota, no harm done. It's genuinely a bit strange to fear that you might deep down unconsciously like Volvo's and that they appeal to you even though you don't like the look of them/what you've heard about them, or that you'll never be truly happy with a Toyota again because you're a Volvo person. There's no such thing as a polyamorous person any more than there is such thing as a Volvo person. What car you drive or your relationship style is a choice you make based on your preferences.
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- 4y
@Scoggy Wow. Ok thank you for your detailed response. That makes sense. I definitely know I’m overthinking this and it’s just an extension of my intrusive thoughts.
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