I have had really really tough days behind me. The ocd is really bad right now. The voices in my head seem to have no mercy. I’m struggling, and I have to keep my compulsions out of that. They do more harm than they help, but the guilt seems to eat me alive.

I'm so sorry you're having a tough time. Ocd is really hard.. There will be better days infont of you. Is there any safe way to get you through today? 😊Do you enjoy a walk outside or a Netflix show?

Thank! Yeah already went out, now I have to work, maybe gut to focus on that. I don’t really know why it’s gotten so worse. I just ties to what is most important to me and makes me feel anxious in those situations that I’d enjoy the most. I really fight compulsions maybe it’s just a new situation because I never tried to live with ocd as much as right now. I gave in to compulsions way to easily, and that made my life so much worse. A big mental breakdown is just 1.5 months back, I think that left some wounds that need to heal.

But I really try to change - I don’t want to jeopardize my future with my compulsions, because that’s what they eventually do.

That's great you are still able to work with the OCD and maintain a job😊. Yes what you are describing is the hard stuff of ocd.. Compulsions are so hard to not give in to. And sometimes we can't pinpoint why the OCD gets worse, it just does. I'm glad you are feeling better from 1.5 months ago 👍that in itself is proof that things can get better. So I believe you will continue to get better 😊

Thanks for your answer, that helps a lot. I just always have that desire to be perfect - and I hand sight I question everything I did, so on a regular base feelings of guilt and shame pop up. Especially when I’m close to the ones I love. I just have to learn to live with that - the funny thing is that it’s sometime stuff, I always thought of but never in such a intrusive way. And suddenly it’s a major problem for me, or at least it seems like it. But thanks for your encouragement. These are really hard times for me right now.

Thanks. Yes, it scares the shit out of me to be honest. But it’s a good reminder, that those thoughts can fade to the background. I witnessed it myself. Yes, I’m in therapy for a couple of years now - but just since two months we really concentrated on ocd, I was never so aware that what troubled me so much was ocd. For me it’s hard to do ERP, but maybe I should talk to another expert. I don’t really have exercises to do, I just try to higher my acceptance towards those feelings, but the truth is, right now I’m not accepting anything. 😄 it got really worse, since I know my girlfriend is distressed by a lot of things, and has a very zero tolerance. I feel like I don’t have my own moral compass anymore - I’m not a bad dude. I don’t play around. But I think this is my biggest problem right now: not having a opinion, I’m like the play ball of my ocd thoughts. When they say “you’re a disgrace” I can’t even defend myself. Feel like I’m a child not knowing what’s going on but being insulted by 100 people standing around it. It feels good to write that. Sometimes reminding yourself of the situation you’re in helps. I want to be more gentle to myself. I quit that a long time ago. And I need a voice of reason, standing in for myself.

Thanks for your answer. I live in Europe, it seems I’m not finding them here. Hour by hour sounds good - I’m trying it the best I can.