18+ only. Someone please help! My mind is racing right now. My partner is into true crime but I tend to avoid it bc of its triggering nature. Anyways, today she was watching a video about this guy who did bdsm needling and was also a murderer. (The two aren’t intertwined, ik) I’m not a kinky person bc ocd makes that very difficult for me. I did not know what needling was. She said she has watched needling porn and enjoyed it. I looked it up and am very concerned about the state of our relationship bc I would never engage in that practice.

(25f have always felt I was hetero) I feel like my experience is uncommon and it makes me feel like the world is crashing down. I used to privately act on a kink that’s extremely uncommon, an involuntary thing people do everyday. It was a kink that was NEVER in the real world. I’d act on it every now and then through erotica or when I was younger, videos…then at some point grew an awareness that this was weird and only stuck to erotica. When people did this involuntary act irl I would be grosses out, annoyed, feel nothing or would have this little thought in the background that “ew germs”. Especially my parents I was often annoyed when they did it. For the past 8 months I’ve continuously have feared what my sexual feelings are towards family, friends and children when they do this act that I used to have a kink towards. I had the thought “well I don’t think I really want this kink in this new relationship” then I thought “wait…am I acknowledging this is a real thing for me? If so what does that say about this kink happening in the real world? Are you attracted to anyone doing the act? What about children? Or mom?!” Especially my mom, I fear what I will feel if she does this involuntary act and that I may at some point give in and feel inappropriate feelings towards her/pleasure myself to her doing the act. It’s so bad that I will mentally create scenarios of her and others doing the kink in the exact sexual ways that turned me on to see if it will arouse me. I worry that being annoyed towards my parents, especially my mom doing this act in the past was because I was in denial and was masking that it actually turned me on. You can’t ever fully get rid of kinks and although I don’t act on this one anymore…I worry and fear that bc I haven’t acted on it, it’s attaching to family, friends and even children in the way of fantasies and that the only reason I feel despair, shame, guilt, disgust and fear is only because of what others would think of me. Not what I actually think. In the beginning I was so filled with disgust, guilt, shame and fear that I ran away from home then admitted myself to a psych ward last summer hoping it would help (plot twist, didn’t.) I’m suicidal, I cry multiple times a day. Every thought I have I don’t trust and worry what they actually mean. Every thought of any kind. My mom and I used to be so so so close. She was my best friend and I avoid her a lot now because I fear I have a sexual disorder and am uncontrollably attracted to her. I miss her much I’m crying while typing this. My mom has only done the involuntary act around me a few times in the past 8 months and each time the arousal was so strong I felt like I was dissociating with how horrible my life has become. The worst part is…the arousal itself feels really good compared to the arousal I get around my bf…except with him I don’t feel extreme anxiety and despair when I’m aroused. I have so many other thoughts too and it makes it so hard to be in the moment and enjoy my bf, family and friends. I feel like a monster…

My boyfriend has a mommy kink, something I think I have genuinely come to enjoy after being with him for years. But lately, I’ve been scared that maybe I misunderstood it. I worry that I was unknowingly making myself okay with the idea of seeing him as a child during intimacy. I’m not sure if this is part of the kink or if age play is involved. I don’t know. The fear I keep coming back to is that maybe, I misunderstood the dynamic entirely and was participating in something harmful. I worry that I was participating with a pedophilic mindset and that I was/am fully okay with that. I’m scared that I’ve made myself into a pedophile on accident. Can anyone help? Please

I was looking up stuff about kinks, because my friend is trying to help me "get out there", and I took the bdsm test to see where I land on it. I got 100% vanilla, and I was a little embarassed so I decided to Google things like "is it normal to not have a lot of kinks" or "what % of the population is into kink" and when I scrolled down a bit, I clicked on one of the little suggestion things with the arrow that said "are men more prone to enjoying kink than women" and it revealed a blurb from the website that said that men are in fact more inclined to kink, but also mentioned that it also means they're more inclined to p*dophellia, which sort of set off all these questions in my head of like "Wait so if p*dophellia is just a kink, does that make it more likely that I have it? Because scientenists still don't know what causes it so what if events in my childhood led up to me having it to some extent" and I started kind of going down this internal rabbit hole of trying to figure out how likely it is that I have it or some form of it bc if it's just a kink and not a mental illness than it feels more feasible? Idk I'm a woman so ik it's not AS common in us but it's still possible. I'm doing a little better with redirecting my attention and cooling my anxiety but I had an onslaught of intrusive images before falling asleep like I used to have when I first started experiencing this fear. It's been really catapulting me back to the beginning and I find that I'm ruminating on when it started and if it really means I'm a p or not. I know it's classic ocd but it's hard when it doesn't feel that way ;-; anyway, I'm too scared to Google bc i know it'll be a form of reassurance but also I'm just scared of having anything related to that in my search history so I just thought I'd post here. Anyone else have conflicting thoughts like this?