TW/ I don't know what to do anymore 😔 Struggling with real event/false memory ocd is so hard. Last weekend, I was planning on committing suicide but I couldn't tell my siblings what was wrong cuz I feel like they wouldn't understand. I feel so underserved and unwanted sometimes and it would be better if I leave this earth. I would compare myself to people who done harmful things to other people, but deep down inside I'm none of these people AT ALL. Tbh, I will be surprised if I make out alive by the end of next year. I struggle with self-harm as well and there are times where I really I had to fight the urge to self-harm. This has been so horrible because I failed all my classes this semester and I'm not sure if I'm going to be back to school next semester. I just feel like a failure. I don't even remember being fully happy. At this point I just want to leave and never come back. I know my friends and family would be sad when I committ suicide, but I think they would live a better life when I'm not in it.

Hey, I really relate to where you’re coming from. A couple nights ago I was sure I had to die, that it was the only way to end what was happening or to help people around me? I guess? Not a great situation, but I decided to text a friend. She ended up listening and working through my thoughts with me and helped me calm down A LOT. OCD is an expert at telling us we are undeserving or unwanted but we can’t let it win. No matter what your mind tells you you’ve done or will do, you deserve to live. And you are loved. I promise. There is nothing you could do to be undeserving of this. If you need someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to reach out, I can give you my discord or something! I just want you to know you are wanted. I really relate to your story and I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Sending you love and self compassion. Please be kind to yourself today<3

I know the pain. Really, if it’s so bad, maybe it helps talking to a friend. That helped me a few days ago. I know it sounds stupid, but sometimes reaching out, If everything you learned “failed” it’s good. Maybe share how you feel with someone. Ocd makes you like a child fighting 100 adults at the same time. I’m sure you’re loved. Maybe just reach out to them and tell them how you feel. You can do it. We all can do it.

Are you seeing a therapist?