Hello guys, I’m new here. My name is Kevin, I am 23 years old and I’m suffering from false memory OCD. ...So, my OCD reached a peak now. I‘m convinced that I did something bad or evil I can‘t remember. There is just this feeling. No proof, nothing! Mainly it‘s cheating or cursin, which I would never do as true as I‘m standing here, in the present. I love my boyfriend more than anything else in my life and he deserved the best!! I know that there is no certainty that I am the best for him. But not only that, but rather I have this feeling that I destroy him. I can‘t live with it anymore and I definitely need a turnround in my thought pattern to be able to breathe again. I don‘t wanna lose him and I don‘t want to break up with him. Everything which comes in my mind, feels true. I don‘t know what to do anymore. There is this voice in my head which says „if you‘re not into his life anymore, you can‘t hurt him any longer“ but I love him more than anything else 🥺 (don‘t want to seek reassurance, because I know that it won‘t help.)

I would be really thankful to know how I can enjoy my relationship carefree again? How do other people in a relationship act? When you feel like you‘re not the right person for you partner, who deserves the best? Or worse, like in my case, when you have the gut feeling, that you did awful things to him or loved one‘s of him.?

@Jaxiju Well i would constiter myself knowledgeable in OCD (Consitering i have it) but im also not a therapist so take my advice with a grain of salt. That said i have over come simular challeges. 1. Fear is the root of all OCD, think about it, when did you have OCD over something you genually want to do or happen. The more you fear feeling these feeling the more stronger they will become. This is the truth for OCD, in a way it is its food source. 2. Learning to live in a choatic world: The world is full of uncertanty and anything can happen. The world is entirely made of "What ifs" Youll always be thinking "What if" about everything. I cant tell you how to accept this, for its a scary thought to us all but i will say is try to learn to have confidence in what you feel deep down and try to realize when your in a what if senerio. Realizing it is step 1 to addressing it. 3. This is the hardest one and i reccomend chatting with your therapist before trying this one: Center yourself, be calm and genuinnly explain to your boyfreind your problems with doubt OCD. Dont over hype it or say anything you might regret. Genuinly let him know what its like to "Think" with a OCD mindset and make sure he knows its not just a mindset but a geniune disorder your struggling with. Lastly ill let you in on a perspective i follow: Imagine i have a coin in my hand and i tell you its a magic coin that lands on heads everytime. Would you belive me? No of course not there is no such thing as a magic coin and im most defintly lying to you.......unless......what if it is magic? What if the coin IS magic and DOES land on heads everytime. Now lets say i hand you the coin.......do you have to flip it to make sure if i was telling the truth or not......just to make sure? Or will you not flip the coin, because your already confedent in your conclusion that im lying to you and the coin isnt magic Evetully the goal of all this is to get to the point where you dont have to flip the coin. To get to a point where you can have confedence in your conclusions without saying "What if"

@Carto40 Thank you so so much! I really appreciate your answer! I think my main problem is, that I lost my own „deep down“ feeling. For now on, „deep down“ becomes just an illusion for me. I talk with my boyfriend A LOT about it. Nearly daily. I try my best to make him understand what I‘m going through and he is very supportive. But at the end, I‘m keep fighting alone, every day is a battle at the moment