Hello guys, I’m new here. My name is Kevin, I am 23 years old and I’m suffering from false memory OCD. ...So, my OCD reached a peak now. I‘m convinced that I did something bad or evil I can‘t remember. There is just this feeling. No proof, nothing! Mainly it‘s cheating or cursin, which I would never do as true as I‘m standing here, in the present. I love my boyfriend more than anything else in my life and he deserved the best!! I know that there is no certainty that I am the best for him. But not only that, but rather I have this feeling that I destroy him. I can‘t live with it anymore and I definitely need a turnround in my thought pattern to be able to breathe again. I don‘t wanna lose him and I don‘t want to break up with him. Everything which comes in my mind, feels true. I don‘t know what to do anymore. There is this voice in my head which says „if you‘re not into his life anymore, you can‘t hurt him any longer“ but I love him more than anything else 🥺 (don‘t want to seek reassurance, because I know that it won‘t help.)

Carto40

Date posted: 4y

Welcome, though we all have differnt shades of OCD we get you. We are all here to help each other. Ask us anything, we are all in this together

Jaxiju

Date posted: 4y

I would be really thankful to know how I can enjoy my relationship carefree again? How do other people in a relationship act? When you feel like you‘re not the right person for you partner, who deserves the best? Or worse, like in my case, when you have the gut feeling, that you did awful things to him or loved one‘s of him.?

Carto40

Date posted: 4y

@Jaxiju Well i would constiter myself knowledgeable in OCD (Consitering i have it) but im also not a therapist so take my advice with a grain of salt. That said i have over come simular challeges. 1. Fear is the root of all OCD, think about it, when did you have OCD over something you genually want to do or happen. The more you fear feeling these feeling the more stronger they will become. This is the truth for OCD, in a way it is its food source. 2. Learning to live in a choatic world: The world is full of uncertanty and anything can happen. The world is entirely made of "What ifs" Youll always be thinking "What if" about everything. I cant tell you how to accept this, for its a scary thought to us all but i will say is try to learn to have confidence in what you feel deep down and try to realize when your in a what if senerio. Realizing it is step 1 to addressing it. 3. This is the hardest one and i reccomend chatting with your therapist before trying this one: Center yourself, be calm and genuinnly explain to your boyfreind your problems with doubt OCD. Dont over hype it or say anything you might regret. Genuinly let him know what its like to "Think" with a OCD mindset and make sure he knows its not just a mindset but a geniune disorder your struggling with. Lastly ill let you in on a perspective i follow: Imagine i have a coin in my hand and i tell you its a magic coin that lands on heads everytime. Would you belive me? No of course not there is no such thing as a magic coin and im most defintly lying to you.......unless......what if it is magic? What if the coin IS magic and DOES land on heads everytime. Now lets say i hand you the coin.......do you have to flip it to make sure if i was telling the truth or not......just to make sure? Or will you not flip the coin, because your already confedent in your conclusion that im lying to you and the coin isnt magic Evetully the goal of all this is to get to the point where you dont have to flip the coin. To get to a point where you can have confedence in your conclusions without saying "What if"

Jaxiju

Date posted: 4y

@Carto40 Thank you so so much! I really appreciate your answer! I think my main problem is, that I lost my own „deep down“ feeling. For now on, „deep down“ becomes just an illusion for me. I talk with my boyfriend A LOT about it. Nearly daily. I try my best to make him understand what I‘m going through and he is very supportive. But at the end, I‘m keep fighting alone, every day is a battle at the moment

DannyO507

Date posted: 16w

I need help

So I have been struggling with the same theme of ocd for 4 months now. My ocd centers around past events/false memories that ocd skews to make seem bad or it twists my thoughts on what my intentions were. this is related to cheating or being weird while I have been in my amazing relationship. I have never cheated on my partner and never will and I believe it is wrong. But my ocd is telling me other wise. I love my partner so very much and I would never want to hurt him but my brain is getting to me. I was getting better. I was trying “maybe I did, maybe I didn’t”, I have been back on meds and in therapy and I stopped confessing random interactions from years/months ago about 1.5 weeks ago and it really helped. But now I woke up this morning and feel the pit in my stomach again. I feel extra critical and like why would you do this? What does this say about you? What was your intention with this? And I’m just stuck mentally reviewing and ruminating on everything you could imagine. I know my personality and I know in the moment maybe I did find them attractive but mainly I was just being nice or funny or even just a good friend, but looking back now I’m like “was it flirting?” “Why did I still snap this person” “why would I even talk to them” and stuff like that. I feel this intense sense of guilt. I have told my partner everything that I keep getting stuck on and he didn’t care, he said he understands or “that’s a little weird but it’s okay” and hasn’t missed a beat. He said eveything I’ve told him is normal and I’ve heard that from my friends too. I just really need help. I don’t know what to do anymore. I am so disappointed because I thought I was gonna be done with this, so why am I still so worried and caught up in this.

4747get

Date posted: 15w

Hello. I’m new here.

I experience crippling, debilitating false memory OCD. It started with a “what if” thought 6 days ago and has spiraled into a never ending loop. My mind is telling me that “maybe you did this terrible, awful, unforgivable thing years ago and you don’t remember it and it’s only a matter of time before it catches up to you and your life is over” I’m really needing some coping mechanisms and support. I’m really scared and my body is exhausted. I just want it to stop. It is full panic attack all day, every day. Please if anyone can relate or help me.

False Memory OCD

🧡🍁🎃

Date posted: 15w

Always wondering

Hey everyone I know I’ve mentioned this before but, I wanted to share again just in case if anyone new sees this. I deal with cheating ocd really bad, like I always have thoughts about the past and such and get worried about things. I know my morals and values and I know id never ever cheat, but my mind always loves to play the “What if” game. It really sucks. My boyfriend is the sweetest and a god sent to me and he is always there for me but ugh this ocd dealing with cheating and false memory/real events kills me, anyone else relate? I dont know how to put up with it anymore, Just today I remembered I had an old twitter account which is now X, but I remembered I deleted my account a long long time ago but ugh I used to be on twitter so much awhile ago and my ocd acted up and was like “You better go check to make sure you didn’t do anything.” And I remembered I sat with myself and said “I know my morals I would never do that to him.” And then my ocd was like “Are you sure? What if you did?” Etc and my anxiety is now so bad about it now :(

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