- Username
- sherlock97
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Another victim of talk therapy it seems. Find a therapist experienced in OCD and ERP.
Or you have HOCD, one of the most common themes in OCD? It can happen to anyone of any orientation. The treatment is regular CBT, ie consider the thoughts as just thoughts, don't answer them (don't deny or accept them), expose yourself. The trick is to be ok with the uncertainty, maybe you are gay/straight/bi/pansexual/etc. maybe you are not. It's not really a choice either so you're being anxious over something you have no control over.
Yes I’ve had a struggle with my sexuality and came to the conclusion that I’m bisexual. However I hadn’t had any relationships at the time because I was quite young. I think it’s possible to fall in love with someone regardless of sexual attraction so I doubt your relationships were fake unless you knew that at the time. If you can, try to remove emotional connections and just think about whether you are sexually attracted to men or women. I got myself into a complete mess trying to figure out my sexuality and in the end I only figured it out when I stopped trying and just gave it time. If you’re unsure you can identify as queer or questioning so that you have a label if that makes you feel more comfortable. If you’re like me then you may find that you’re just attracted to personalities and gender doesn’t really matter. Hope this helps you.
It's not your responsibility to know for sure.
I have to say that when I gust started questioning my sexuality it did come as intrusive thoughts and to start with I felt more lesbian than bisexual because it was new so don’t completely deny anything just try to give it time.
Thank you very much, this helps a lot.. I will buy the book and work on it
Thank you very much, this helps a lot. I find that now I’m attracted to men more than women but don’t know if that’s how I really feel or if it’s just because it’s new. I have never fancied a man but don’t know if that’s because I’ve never allowed myself to? When I’m not feeling down I know I’m not gay but when I do feel down I keep thinking I’m gay. Maybe I’m just petrified of being homosexual
Thank you very much @santiago, I’m not sure what it is but I will make a sizeable effort to try not to let them take control. Is it possible for you to have a fantasy of homosexual but it is not actually true? Or do I just except that they are thoughts?
Thanks @sully0421, I’m trying to be as open as possible but hard to differentiate your feelings and ocd
Yeh I definitely struggle with that too and just because I was in a similar situation and I turned out to be bi doesn’t mean you are I just hope that my experience can help you at least a little bit
Of course it's possible, it's on your mind all the time so you are going to think about it and dream about it more. The only thing you have to do is a) nothing and b) have the courage to expose yourself for a long time
Just be ok with the possibility of losing control, if you do end up having feelings, urges, actions, or thoughts in a way that is different to your sexuality, whatever that may be, so be it. It'll scare you at first until it doesn't.
Get the book "break free from OCD".
I have a problem maybe you guys can help, Im 27 years old and NEVER doubt that about my sexuality before, i was (i think im still) girl crazy and i have nothing against gay people i have friends how are gay, i was working nights shifts like for 3 months straight and not sleeping at all, and one day i was drinking and smoking weed, having a good time and from no where this thought that i might be gay appears, and have been struggling for about 5 months from now, i now i have a crush on this girl we are even dating but some times it thoughs feels so real like im on a denial and get depressed i used to be a happy person with out doubts about my sexuality i mean im 27 years i should have seen this coming long time ago if its real right? At this point I don't know what to do i live in a country that therapy is hard to find especially this kind im taking some medication but i need help this is taking my life and im afraid that im liying to my girlfriend, what should i do ? Is this HOCD or im on a denial? ( Sorry about my English, is not my first language)
So basicaly Two days ago I found a video on YouTube about astrology, and the woman speaking said smth like: you should look inside yourself because you have a tendency to ignore your own identity and your own true feelings. Instantly I thought of this endeavouring rumination about me being bisexual. Cause now I’ve kinda come to terms with the fact that in no way am I gay. So okay, the thing is, recently I’ve started to think that girls especially have an inclination towards bisexuality, mainly because they are affectionate with other girls. Bear in mind the fact that, since this hocd started, the lines between normal dating actions and behaviours between people are blurred to me. Now I realize that I am ruminating more and more this possibility of me being bisexual, but there are counter arguments like : I would never ever date a woman, I would never ever have sex with a woman and to me they are beautiful yes, they are sexy etc but I don’t want to do anything with them. Then, my consequent thought is maybe I have internalized homophobia idk. This is all soooo distressful and irritating and confusing. Deep down I know that I am a straight girl, but I feel guilty every time someone asks about my boyfriend because of these intrusive thoughts. It feels like I am lying to them, telling them that I am straight, when in fact I am not. Have you ever had such experiences?
Does anyone else feel like when they say their identity out loud it is a lie? Like I am a straight woman and have been straight my whole life and have been in two relationships—both with men who I was happily in love with. I can draw my intrusive thoughts back to childhood, but it was always a very brief experience where I would be like “oh I finally have nothing to worry about” and then my brain would be like “wait nevermind you have to worry about the fact that you are gay and in denial.” But every time, these thoughts would go away and I would never have them when I was actually in my relationships or talking to someone. These fears are now back and more real than ever, making me feel like I am actually physically attracted to women and losing my natural biological attitude to men. I do not want to be gay at all and the thought of being that has been making me physically I’ll because it is just now who I am and want to be. I think what makes this all worse is that it’s been awhile since I’ve been in a relationship, so having these thoughts and feelings feels like reality because I have no recent experience with being in a relationship with a man and because of that, my self esteem is extremely low. I now feel triggered by every little thing in life, from hearing the word “gay”/“lesbian”/“lgbt”/“coming out”, to seeing any women of literally any age or appearance out in public, thinking I must be attracted to them. I keep checking my attraction to both males and females and am fearful because I feel like I am losing my attraction to men, which is something that never happened when these thoughts appeared in my life before this most recent flare up. I don’t know if any other people who identify as straight have similar experiences to this, but I cannot help but feel like I am the exception because I did have these thoughts before now (even though they went away for years). I would appreciate any help/insight because the longer I struggle with these thoughts, the farther and farther I feel my old, true self drifting away. I was always able to hang onto the fact that I want a future with a man and want a husband and kids, but now it’s like even that is gone and even though I never want to be with a woman, it’s like these thoughts have convinced me that I will never be with a man. Please help.
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