- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Another victim of talk therapy it seems. Find a therapist experienced in OCD and ERP.
- Date posted
- 6y
Or you have HOCD, one of the most common themes in OCD? It can happen to anyone of any orientation. The treatment is regular CBT, ie consider the thoughts as just thoughts, don't answer them (don't deny or accept them), expose yourself. The trick is to be ok with the uncertainty, maybe you are gay/straight/bi/pansexual/etc. maybe you are not. It's not really a choice either so you're being anxious over something you have no control over.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes I’ve had a struggle with my sexuality and came to the conclusion that I’m bisexual. However I hadn’t had any relationships at the time because I was quite young. I think it’s possible to fall in love with someone regardless of sexual attraction so I doubt your relationships were fake unless you knew that at the time. If you can, try to remove emotional connections and just think about whether you are sexually attracted to men or women. I got myself into a complete mess trying to figure out my sexuality and in the end I only figured it out when I stopped trying and just gave it time. If you’re unsure you can identify as queer or questioning so that you have a label if that makes you feel more comfortable. If you’re like me then you may find that you’re just attracted to personalities and gender doesn’t really matter. Hope this helps you.
- Date posted
- 6y
It's not your responsibility to know for sure.
- Date posted
- 6y
I have to say that when I gust started questioning my sexuality it did come as intrusive thoughts and to start with I felt more lesbian than bisexual because it was new so don’t completely deny anything just try to give it time.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you very much, this helps a lot.. I will buy the book and work on it
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you very much, this helps a lot. I find that now I’m attracted to men more than women but don’t know if that’s how I really feel or if it’s just because it’s new. I have never fancied a man but don’t know if that’s because I’ve never allowed myself to? When I’m not feeling down I know I’m not gay but when I do feel down I keep thinking I’m gay. Maybe I’m just petrified of being homosexual
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you very much @santiago, I’m not sure what it is but I will make a sizeable effort to try not to let them take control. Is it possible for you to have a fantasy of homosexual but it is not actually true? Or do I just except that they are thoughts?
- Date posted
- 6y
Thanks @sully0421, I’m trying to be as open as possible but hard to differentiate your feelings and ocd
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeh I definitely struggle with that too and just because I was in a similar situation and I turned out to be bi doesn’t mean you are I just hope that my experience can help you at least a little bit
- Date posted
- 6y
Of course it's possible, it's on your mind all the time so you are going to think about it and dream about it more. The only thing you have to do is a) nothing and b) have the courage to expose yourself for a long time
- Date posted
- 6y
Just be ok with the possibility of losing control, if you do end up having feelings, urges, actions, or thoughts in a way that is different to your sexuality, whatever that may be, so be it. It'll scare you at first until it doesn't.
- Date posted
- 6y
Get the book "break free from OCD".
Related posts
- Date posted
- 14w
I’ve always been straight my whole life and I’ve never considered being different nor have i ever had attraction to women but lately I’ve been going through a lot of different thoughts that definitely feel unlike me. When I was a kid and I don’t remember how old I was but im sure like 7 or 8 and my cousin that was I very close to had me do inappropriate things to her that I didn’t really know anything about at that time. After that happened to me I knew it was wrong and I felt so bad and disgusting and scared but at the time I didn’t really know anything and I remember when my mom would drop me over my grandmas house while she would work, I’d take my grandma’s phone and I looked up kissing videos and I saw the kissing scene from Jennifer’s body and looking back on it I just feel so much shame and confusion bc it certainly feels embarrassing. My cousin always liked girls but I never did. I loved sitting and watching Disney movies preferably princess and the frog and wanting to be a princess getting married to a prince just like in all the movies. I knew who I was from a very young age and that never changed about me. When I learned what porn was at an older age, I started becoming hyper sexual so I watched tutorials videos of women to learn how to pleasure myself. When I was a kid and to now I’ve never looked at women in that way. I’ve had best friends and sleepovers it’s never been anything sexual, romantic, or intimate. Just simply innocent friendships and hangouts. When I got to high school that’s when i started remembering what happened to me and i remember how the girls would talk about their first kisses and i remembered my sa and how I felt so scared to say anything to anyone bc I didn’t want people to think badly of me simply bc my first kiss was like that so I would simply just not say anything. Lately I’ve been having obsessive thoughts out of nowhere wondering if my sexuality has changed or if im bi or is it just my thoughts? I’ve always had ocd and even in school, the kids would pick at me because I always eat my food in order and by the lightest color. But lately it’s gotten worse. It’s like I’ve never had thoughts like this nor have I ever been like this. Not even when I was a child. And humans question themselves of course but this feels like something different. I’ve gotten distant from my best friend who’s also a girl and I’ve just cut off social media and female friend relationships at all because for some reason my brain tells me that it’s “gay” to even hug your friends or hold their hands anymore like you used to do when you were kids. I even got to a point where I would watch women porn and try to masturbate just to see if I was attracted to it or not like that’s how bad the thoughts got. It felt like an evil voice was in my head trying to convince me and sweet talk me to do and enjoy those disgusting things even when my body didn’t want to. I eventually had confided in my bf about it because he was also a victim of sa and so he helped me through it and I stopped doing it but then and my bf (now ex) broke up a couple days ago and now ive been dealing with this alone which feels like the hardest part for me. So I’ve texted my bff a lot to catch up because I’ve been distant dealing with this and I was just checking my phone awaiting for her responses to my texts because she tends to type slow and usually I never think anything of it because I used to check my phone all the time when I would await my boyfriends reply or simply just a text from him and so now im having thoughts like “why am I awaiting her texts” “do I like my friend?” Its just so many obsessive thoughts and so much overthinking that I am getting tired of because It’s been going on for months so I know this is a lot but please if anyone can please help me I beg, it would be such a great help appreciated bc this has became a really big impact on my life and not in a good way lol. Thank you !!
- Date posted
- 13w
Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.
- Date posted
- 12w
I really need help understanding what I’m going through. For a long time now, I’ve been struggling with thoughts and feelings about women that confuse and scare me. Sometimes I feel this strange emotional or mental ‘pull’ toward certain women — it’s not exactly sexual, and not clearly romantic either, but it feels like something, and it triggers deep anxiety. When I see a beautiful woman or a WLW (woman-loving-woman) couple, I feel something that I can’t explain — sometimes I think it’s just admiration or aesthetic appreciation, but OCD keeps telling me: “You felt something, so you must be gay,” or “You’re hiding something.” I get stuck in endless loops, trying to analyze these moments and label them. Even when I feel physical or emotional reactions, they don’t feel natural or aligned with who I am. They feel like a reaction to the idea of women, not real attraction. I try to be honest with myself — I even told a friend I might be bisexual at some point, just to test if that felt more comfortable. But it didn’t. It made things worse, and I felt like I lost touch with who I am. I don’t want to lie to myself or live in denial, but I’m exhausted. It feels like I’m being mentally forced to feel something that isn’t mine. I’m 14, and I understand that things might still be developing, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve always been drawn to men, and never naturally wanted women that way. Still, I keep doubting everything. Is this real attraction or OCD feeding false feelings and thoughts? Can OCD create emotional or mental sensations that feel like desire? I’m so scared that I’ll lose myself, or find out something I never wanted. I just want peace and to feel like myself again.
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