hey, my hocd has been terrible the past few days im a ‘straight’ female, with a wonderful boyfriend of a year and a bit and he’s my everything. about a year ago my friends told me they were bi, that made me question if i wanted to be bi too, i thought about it and got worried for an hour maybe and then realised, don’t be silly you haven’t been aroused by a woman before or have felt the want to be with a woman or anything like that, and that’s true i had not. maybe the odd ‘celeb crush’ like omggg that girls so hot, but never to the extent of wanting to sido anything sexual with them or date them, in fact the thought of touching vaginas ect made me uncomfortable because it’s just not something i was interested in. ever since then i sat comfy being straight but still trying to fit in with my friends so i would say to them things like ‘i don’t like labels’ even though i knew god damn well i was straight. that passed and i was honest with them and just said you know what i think i am straight i just wanted to fit in with you guys, as you seemed so happy about it. i moved on being a comfortable straight for a long time. one day in early november i got a thought that i liked one of my male friend, that kick started my rocd, i had that for a while back and forth ‘do i love my bf’ ‘do i like other guys’. a week or so after that i was on my phone and saw the word ‘lesbian’ this triggered my intrusive thoughts to tell me i was bi or lesbian or wanted to be with a girl. and for ages i felt so uncomfortable and scared and panicked and nauseous about the idea of liking girl because i hadn’t thought about it in such depth before, the thoughts don’t give me pleasure i don’t think, they make me feel terrified and sick. but right know they have come back so severe i really nice questioning myself, and i don’t want to like girls i really really really don’t. it isn’t something that i want but it’s something that i feel like i have to do, my brain is telling me i am in denial because of my past day of questioning to try and fit in, i really don’t want to like girls. but i can’t help but ask myself over and over if i really would. i want to be with my boyfriend and be straight, i like the label of being straight, that’s what makes me comfortable. but now i’m terrified i like women, i feel so suicidal over it. i would do anything for the thoughts and pain to go away and never come back. any advice ??