I feel so depressed right now and I feel like such a burden to my family. I’ve came a long way from how I was before with OCD, but I’m so unmotivated and I just feel like I cannot get the OCD of my head. Like I’ll be sitting there and it’s just a voice in my head the whole time. How am I supposed to do what I want to do if that’s just bothering me the whole time. I’ve been told everything and treatment has helped, but I end up back at this spot. I literally don’t know what to do. How did you guys get better? I just keep backsliding. I feel so numb and emotionless and I think it’s because of my medication. I am currently taking Viibryd. I don’t look good at all anymore. I don’t take care of myself well, and I don’t know how I feel about anything. There’s just no motivation. I’m not sad, there’s just not much in my head besides OCD. There’s not much for me to do to help, plus the fact that I have no motivation. I have no strong feelings about anything and I can’t tell what I like or dislike, it’s so annoying. My parents are busy a lot. It’s just so complicated. Also, I have quite a few OCD subtypes. Any advice?

I'm so sorry you're going through this, OCD can be such a cruel thing to live with. Sometimes it truly feels like my brain is on overdrive 24/7, like there's no escape from the thoughts. BUT--as far as backsliding goes--you mentioned you'd come a long way from the beginning only to end back up in the same spot. I've just had to start hanging on (for dear life tbh) to the thought that Relapses don't erase your progress. Even on days where I feel like I'm back at rock bottom again, I have new tools and knowledge to help myself. You can fall back into old patterns and feel like you've lost all your progress, and that's so painful, especially when you were getting better and OCD felt like it was receding a little--but you don't have to give up, and you haven't erased the work you did to get better. That knowledge and willpower is still there, OCD is just really strong rn--but eventually it'll back off again. There will be good days, okay days, and tough days. Maybe you're in a rough patch, but there *are* good days ahead of you. Re: no motivation maybe being connected to meds, could you talk to your psych about the dosage? IDK if this will help, but one thing that helped me during low points: -I've made lists of my successful exposures and also good experiences I've had in spite of OCD. I sometimes read over them just to remind myself things can and will get better, and to be able to see the work I've put in. I know you said you're feeling numb--you don't have to feel happy or inspired or w/e when you read these. It's just like, objective proof that you can have good days. If your brain tells you you're stuck in a rut forever, point at the list lol. It's gonna be okay ♥️

Hey. If treatment is something that has helped like you said then you most definitely need to keep at it. Don't engage in the treatment for one moment and let OCD do the rest. Treatment is the most effective way for fighting this horrible monster in your head. But, I'm also here to tell you that it's not your fault at all. None of it is. What you should do is do all the things you used to excel in before OCD came in and made things harder for you. Taking care of yourself, taking deep breaths, continuing your treatment, and trying to be as compassionate to yourself as you possibly can. I'm sorry your parents are also busy quite a lot. It's okay to feel the way you're feeling. Don't feel like you have to be happy all the time or it's a bad thing is something is flawed in your life. Everyone is flawed and everyone has problems to get through. Like this entire year as an example. We all go through things together, no matter who we are or where we are. As living things, we feel pain, and sometimes we get all numb. If you need to talk about what's wrong or what your OCD latched onto, I can try my best to provide company for you.

Try to get off the meds. Meds can make you feel numb/emotionless/have no zest for life. Try a different medication. And continue doing the therapy because OCD will lessen as you continue doing it, you just have to be proactive and consistent. What helps me to cultivate joy is to think about all the good things that have happened in my life, year, month, week, or day... even down to the littlest things. I keep a journal and write down happy moments that happen in spite of OCD (and the more I do my therapy, the more happy moments I get). That gives me more joy about my life and makes me appreciate the blessings God has given me. 💖