Has anyone ever gotten what if thoughts pertaining to a specific timeline? Like not a what if necessarily on a night when you’ve blacked out, which I’ve gotten as well, but just over a period of time? (Ex. When I was friends with this person, what if I...) I can’t remember if I’ve asked this before but it’s been on my mind

Yes this is similar to mine, like every sexual experience I’ve had, what if I did something bad, and I can’t remember everything so my mind extrapolates and I feel crazy sometimes

@anaserafina Fuck, this is exactly me. Back in high school I was much more hornier and impulsive than I am now. I flirted with girls non-stop and sometimes sent pictures but usually I thought I was good friends with them. A few times when I sexted girls we did it together thinking nothing of it at the time but it always gets me coming back to question so many things. I always think maybe I hurt one of them or maybe I hurt myself even flirting with them so much over the phone

@BigGip09 Then I can't tell if it's false memories or not and if it did happen I still can't remember everything

@BigGip09 YES EXACTLY!!! Like I can’t tell if it’s false or real event, and the memories aren’t even concrete, it’s just like the idea scares me? Sometimes I think I’m too afraid to even consider it so it doesn’t fully make a false memory? If that makes sense? The things I don’t remember scare me so much, like what if I don’t know who I am and I’m secretly terrible and it came out there? So frightening

@anaserafina Yeah you seem to understand exactly where I'm coming from. Like I know I definitely changed from how I used to be and I can manage my impulses and talk to people better and I no longer do any sexting and I don't like to talk to anyone that's under my age only the same or above maybe one age difference but that's it. When I was 15-17 and stuff I was just stupid and horny and curious about a lot of things and I never thought about the consequences and I feel like even though I changed it's not an excuse or isn't enough from the things I did or may have done. It's so fucking confusing. False memories honestly just make it worse :( I get to scared to consider it that way too. Are you a guy like me or a girl? How old?

@BigGip09 I’m 18 and a girl, and these memories come from around that time for me as well, when I was around 16 I think. They were my first sexual experiences and I was taken advantage of multiple times by the person I was with but my mind wonders stuff like “since he doesn’t think he did anything to me, but did, what if I did something to him and just didn’t realize/know” and it’s caused so much anxiety, over-reading into situations or worrying about how I was. it’s so scary and makes me feel so disgusted w myself if it is true

@anaserafina Oh no, I'm sorry that you got taken advantage of by someone you thought would be more loyal to you. I would have never guessed. I'm 19 and a boy but my first serious sexual experiences we're around the age of 15 turning 16. I was always worried that I may have done sexual things to the wrong person, someone may have taken advantage of me, which sometimes I think they might have, or I trusted someone with what I gave them and it all ended up being thrown away, which happened with this one girl I genuinely felt strongly for over the phone. I just feel shitty about it because I'm always afraid there may have been a mishap in consent, the age groups which at the time I mainly found girls that were around my age or the exact age. That probably stayed the same for the present me because like I said I still really get attracted to girls my age and above and maybe one minus but no lower. 7th grade may have been the beginning of my sexual emotions bring created due to my foot fetish. I just now realized how young I was when I was exposed to something like that. And even then I did stupid stupid things because I was horny and curious. I hate it

@BigGip09 Thank you for saying that, it means a lot, and I’m sorry you worry you may have been taken advantage of as well. I also worry about mishaps with consent as well - since that was what happened to me, I worry I did it to him which freaks me out so much, especially because the things he has done have really really hurt people and I don’t want to be like him at all. And I definitely agree to doing dumb things when I was younger, being a teenager is hard and it’s harder when we don’t necessarily know better? Idk, honestly it’s tough to think about, I don’t wanna make excuses for my potential behaviors bc that makes me feel like a bad person if I do that too?? If that makes sense? At the end of the day I don’t want to be a bad person, and I’m so afraid I am and didn’t even realize or remember acting on my “badness”

@anaserafina I'm glad you're no longer with him and he can't hurt you anymore. I hope he isn't hurting anyone else more than he already had either. I also agree that being a teenager is really hard! In fact, I think it's one of the hardest, if not the hardest stages of growth for people. Constantly being treated like a child for wanting to learn how to be an adult and being treated like an adult for all of the things you don't want to get right. It's so frustrating to be honest. The part where you mention that it could be excuses also makes me uncomfortable too. Whenever I don't think I'm in the wrong I feel I'm just saying that to make myself feel better and that always leads to wanting to get reassurance for the situation. I get scared about it all the time that I even feel being scared of it is part of the excuses or something. You definitely aren't a bad person. You sound like such a wonderful girl to be around. I'm sure that there's people that see it that way too! You don't sound like you intent to do things bad at all. Just curious and looking to do things better after the practice in mistakes it takes.

@BigGip09 Are you in a better relationship now? I hope you're getting yourself better care and company from someone you deserve to be with. And if not, nothing wrong with being single. I've never had a relationship before. I always feel like it's too late for me to have one or get it

@BigGip09 Thank you, I am too, and I hope he isn’t either :/ I agree with everything you said as well! The way you explained excuses in particular is spot on for me! I ask for reassurance a ton, and part of the reason I spiraled into this obsession was because I thought I’d be in denial if I dismissed it, so to be a good person I HAD to investigate and figure it out. And thank you for saying that too, I’d really hope I’m an alright person :). And I’m single at the moment, trying to figure out myself still? And as for never being in a relationship, that’s honestly so so fine. You have so much time and it’s not the answer to all happiness, you know? I think there’s absolutely nothing wrong with not being in a relationship, so many pros to it :)

@anaserafina I do believe anyone can change no matter what the situation, only unfair parts about it is even people do try to change their past is used against them when they try so hard to break out of what they used to be. But, I think you're fine! You sound like a really wonderful person and I love helping you out on this app whenever I see you post! Talking to someone about it that completely gets it really does help me get through the day and that's the kind of support I think I've longed for I guess. Yeah it's not something I looked at in terms of a need for happiness. I guess much like my sexual feelings I always wanted a relationship just to see what it could be like for the first time, you know? I just don't know when that'll happen. I'm doubtful sometimes, but I don't dwell on it using up all my energy. A nice, trusting, caring personality like yours is something I would love to have though, hah. There are many pros to bring single though! :) It's really nice talking with you :)

@BigGip09 It’s super nice talking to you too! :) And you seem like a lovely person as well, I always appreciate your replies and we seem to have very similar experiences, so your insight is so so so helpful!! And I’m so glad that is supportive, it really helps me as well :) and regarding relationships, I can totally understand that at times it can be intimidating, I often find that other people in relationships made me feel like I needed to be in one? Or even just pushing myself to do things because other people were?

@anaserafina Pretty much!! As happy as I was to see other people being happy with just each other, I kinda felt left out and things to me made it seem like I needed to be with someone to be truly happy or know that I'm cared for at the time. I guess that's exactly what caused me to be super flirty with girls and tried my best to get in a relationship with one with all the sexting and continuous friendships back to back. Still, even with a legitimate reason as to why I may have done those things, I still feel like I may have really hurt someone or hurt my future or what I have or something. Maybe I'm just worrying too much in a sense. I never ever would've guessed that someone would've felt the same way I did in terms of relationships. No matter who I went to about things like that, people were already in relationships or already had them, and it made me feel like a black sheep. You're just so helpful to me for tonight. I don't know what to say. It's kinda difficult for me to relate to most people, but in this case I feel so special because of what you've said to me. :)

@BigGip09 That honestly makes a lot of sense and I have fears with that too. What if I was too x or too y, what if I took advantage of him or what if I was actually the abusive one, it just goes on and on. Regarding those fears you mentioned, I really relate! It’s like I’m stuck in the past worried if I could have potentially hurt someone, which stops me from living in the present, and makes me terrified for potential future consequences! And same here, it’s so nice to know I’m not alone in this - also I’m so glad this helps, you deserve it! Hope our talking brings some peace tonight:)

@anaserafina Yeah, you're just like me. The same kind of thoughts, the what ifs never stop, and my mind can never fully be in the present but either the past or the future. And you said it exactly right!! Afraid of the future and stuck with the past. Sigh. But I know that when I have you with me we can get through these issues together and there can be a silver lining, you know? I just love that I'm not alone on something like this and I can share all the concerns that are on my mind with someone that can do the same to me back. It's just so sweet. Talking with you made me feel so relaxed. It even put a smile on my face, to be honest. :) Do you have any social handles? I just love how good we are with talking to each other. I enjoy it sooo much!

@BigGip09 Same here to everything!! :)) And yes, which one? Snapchat ig?

@anaserafina I used to have a snapchat but didn't like it very much. But I do have Instagram!!

@BigGip09 Ok sure what’s your Instagram?

@anaserafina My Instagram is jc.uncharted

@BigGip09 Ok cool just followed you!!

@anaserafina Yay!! I just followed back. Looks like you're more popular than I am in terms of followers haha

@BigGip09 Ah I honestly don’t know why!! Random sometimes haha