- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Yea so i tend to do the same thing. I’m always listening too carefully for him to slip up or say something that goes against something else he said. I happen to take many things to heart and dissect every little thing he says to me. It’s almost like my brain is looking for an issue and something to argue about
- Date posted
- 4y
This made me feel so much less alone. I wasn’t even expecting a response because I feel like most of my themes or obsessions aren’t relatable to anyone on here. But It’s awful because I keep re- thinking of the convo and I’m trying not to ruminate on it but then I try to hang into one thing he said that is reassuring but then it makes it worse bc that’s also a compulsion bc I find more loop holes or then think he’s lying or something. It’s exhausting to keep rehashing things and I’m trying not to continue and just sit with the uncertainty 😭
- Date posted
- 4y
I find that nothing my boyfriend says will ever make me feel better. Even knowing his answer will still bring you uncertainty because will you truly know ? No but all you can do is accept and live with that uncertainty.
- Date posted
- 4y
This is what I experience too, I thought I was the only one doing this. I always try to figure out if my boyfriend really means it when he says he loves me and the tone of voice he says it. I try to figure out literally every gesture or anything. From the way he dresses; if he dressed nice does it mean he likes me? I also have an ocd theme that is when I say “I love you” back to him it sounds so fake when really I do love him. Because I am so over focused on my tone of voice when I say “I love you” that it comes out sounding ingenuine. And I have an ocd thing when I meet his family members because I am also really socially anxious and I think I oversmile or seem weird when I meet them and spend so many hours a day ruminating and trying to figure out if they like me or not. I just want to find a way to stop ruminating and to stop caring but I don’t know how to. If you guys have suggestions please tell me because I’m desperate as well
- Date posted
- 4y
I have social anxiety too really bad and I also feel super weird when I talk to my bf’s family also and I keep thinking did I say that weird or did they think it was weird or was I awkward sounding?? Did I come off rude bc I’m awkward?? Etc etc and I ruminate on that too and how I said things.
- Date posted
- 4y
And I keep thinking he doesn’t care about me as much as others even though he shows me he loves me and I always obsess if he likes or finds his friends gf’s more attractive than me. It’s been five years and it’s still the same major themes for me!!!!! I
- Date posted
- 4y
I feel the same way with the whole “i love you” sometimes when i say it i get a knot in my stomach which then makes Me feel like I’m lying to him and myself and then I’m just a big ol fake. But all we can do is sit with the uncertainty of everything. Ruminating gives those thoughts power and we want to make them lose its power because we’re in control!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Ocdkillsme Yes exactly! We literally think the same, I always ruminate too if they think I come off as rude when really I avoid eye contact because I’m so afraid (because I have staring ocd too where I am afraid to look at people because I do not want to accidentally look at their private parts) when really I don’t even think about people in inappropriate ways like that but I am so scared if my eyes look at them like that that I just try to avoid looking at any human. It’s so debilitating
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous I know exactly how that churning stomach feels. That’s so true! We need to stop feeding the ruminations! We are bigger than OCD!
- Date posted
- 4y
I feel w this. My bf responded to a question I had which was to get reassurance and I didn’t read into a certain part until last night and the answer I got was around 2 months ago and so now I’m wondering if it is true what he meant, if it true and not innocent like I want it to be, if it is what it is type of thing? Or that it proves my fear is actually real or not. Or I keep wondering if it’s innocent and he just didn’t mean to say something but then when I asked him later he said something that really seemed like what he said was true and I don’t like it and maybe it’s super innocent just like if I did the same thing but I’m so confused especially when something doesn’t add up and i know I shouldn’t try and solve the thought but ughh I keep trying to because I wanna know so bad.
- Date posted
- 4y
But then I also think omg what if there is no way of reassurance for what I asked because it is what he actually meant.. because idk if I even asked what I wanted to because it is like the same theme just a different thought now.. The only good thing about this is the more I think about it I’m going to get tired and just be like whatever but then I start to feel depressed. I just wanna have my thoughts shut up and be able to know what he meant and have it be what I want it to be. Other stuff because I got the reassurance now I don’t rlly obsess about it anymore after two months especially because I have this new thought. But now since I don’t have any reassurance and I’m not going to get any from him, maybe cuz there is none idk. I have sm uncertainty.
- Date posted
- 4y
Jazmine, I feel the EXACT same ways with my bf and things he has said in the past and with his reassurances and not knowing what’s true or real or not and hoping it’s innocent or etc etc. what you described is literally how I feel about sooooo many situations and months pass and then I randomly remember again and I get in a deep distressed panic and get depressed like severely depressed and I don’t know what he really meant or I didn’t ask the right questions at the time that I now have. I have had these for things scaling from five years ago to now! It’s HORRIBLE!!!!!!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Ocdkillsme OMG I FEEL W THIS ON SO MANY LEVELS. I’m glad I have someone to relate to, even though it does suck you are going through this too. I have had sm types of ocd it’s annoying. All different types, probably almost every type you can think of.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Ocdkillsme Like then I think omg that literally proves the fear is right, or does it? Maybe it’s innocent maybe it’s not innocent. Maybe it’s how I picture it and it’s not reassurance it’s just the truth. Maybe sadly there is no reassuring thing. Like some people ask for reassurance and they get it to disprove their fear but what if my fear is actually proven yk? Or maybe I’m just not thinking. That’s the scary part is like what is it proves my fear is true because it literally says that and I think it is proving it to be right. It’s like how am I supposed to not solve the thought, if it’s something he said that wasn’t reassuring at all anymore because I had a new thought that contradicts what he said.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Jazmine_Leigh My Nocd therapist I went to always told me during these spikes that what he said back then is irrelevant. It’s just a thought and you can sit through the distress of not having that “closure” or “answer” you’re craving because it’ll always be something else on top of that. Then why did it change in his answer now but not then? What if he’s lying now? WhAt if he forgot what the situation even was and I will never know the real answer? When it comes down to it, we will never know all the depths of their thoughts and actions just like how they will never know all of ours. And we have to try and except that and we can do that my just exposing ourselves to , yea whatever that would cause me the most distress about this probably is true, oh well. I’ll never know for sure. And go on with your day. But it’s soooo hard. And ERP scripts really helped me in the past and I’m trying to start them up again with my current obsession. :( I wish it wasn’t sooo painful. I honestly felt so alone before because no one has this same type it seems !!!!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Ocdkillsme Yeah I totally understand that. Ig whats hard for me is it actually seems like it is true, like it kind of proves it is true and the answer lays right there. But ig maybe I am thinking about it irrational and not how I think, maybe I am reading into it too much and it’s not how I think even tho part of it is true because it would be for me in a way. Maybe he worded it strange and doesn’t mean it how he said it. But yeah these are all stuff I shouldn’t answer like you are saying because I’ll have another question. My bf is coming over today sometime and I’m rlly going to be proud of myself to not ask anything at all and just chill with him so I’m going to think of it like a game, like how long can I sit with the urge and how long until the urge dispates, so then I’m sitting with it and it’s a game instead of sitting with it and idk for how long and I just keep feeling let down, then it’s a game and I feel challenged to try harder and win that game.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Jazmine_Leigh That is such a great way to put it! As a game! Let me know how it goes. You are stronger than the ocd!!! It makes us feel like these things are life and death and they aren’t. But boy do they feel like it is 😢😓 it’s so hard to be mindful around my partner when I’m feeling these compulsion urges to seek reassurance
- Date posted
- 4y
For me i always go back to 3 specific things that my boyfriend has said to me in the past and when they come it’s like sooo hard to not keep asking him about it over and over again. I want to believe what he says because i do trust his word but my brain is always like nope he lied to you or he didn’t mean what he said...or did he ? 🤔
- Date posted
- 4y
Yeah it’s def hard for me when what he said isn’t reassuring and I keep getting stuck on the part that really feels like this proves my fear is correct like actually is correct and right. It sucks because it’s like there prob is no reassurance part for me because it actually sounds like it is true and it is for me. Idkkk. But maybe I am thinking of it in a totally irrational way instead of how it is ?
- Date posted
- 4y
YESSSSS I DO THE SAME. And it’s like why can’t I get past these certain things??? Why do other ppl not feel this in their relationships too ?? I get it’s bc we have ocd and others don’t but it feels so real and normal to ruminate on these things idk how ppl without ocd function so easily ughhhhh
- Date posted
- 4y
@Ocdkillsme Yea i ask myself the same question everyday lol...but they have the same thoughts we do...just don’t drive themselves crazy about it 🤦🏻♀️
- Date posted
- 4y
Yea I do this a lot!
- Date posted
- 4y
It’s exhausting and I just wish my brain would just settle the hell down on all it’s loop holes it’s trying to get 😭😩
- Date posted
- 4y
@Ocdkillsme I totally understand the exhaustion part. I have to nap daily if I can becsuse my brain runs 110%
- Date posted
- 4y
@jenzbugrulz1978 ME TOO!!!!! I just can’t escape it anymore I just sleep all the time now bc I just give up I really do
- Date posted
- 4y
@Ocdkillsme I'm sorry hun! Have you had any success with meds at all?
- Date posted
- 4y
@jenzbugrulz1978 I was on clomipramine for four years but got off of them bc of dead dead drive. Coming off was scary and dangerous and I’m scared to try new ones bc of the same side effects :( are u on meds currently? They did help a lot when I was on them and idk it’s always a catch 22 with them though.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Ocdkillsme I have been on some for 25 plus yrs after having ended up inthe hospital more than 1 time. Recently they had to take me off several meds due to a dangerous arrhythmia. Right now its a struggle more than Ive had in decades.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
Sometimes I get really upset with my boyfriend and I can’t tell if I’m not having my needs met or if it’s my ROCD questioning things. I can’t express that I’m upset because he rlly doesn’t understand what is going on in my head and most times I bring it up it’s turned into an argument. It is really frustrating does anyone have any tips on deciphering this stuff or dealing with the upset feeling/ bad thoughts (IE: “He’s cheating on me and that’s why he’s not texting.”) (IE: “He’s talking like this because he just doesn’t love me, and he’s not attracted to me. He clearly wants to leave me but doesn’t have the heart to do it yet”)
- Date posted
- 16w
Does anyone else struggle with object permanence in relationships? Like whenever my partner is out of the house I immediately think negatively or I find things wrong with the relationship or him… For background my partner and I always fight over chores (I know it’s common but it’s annoying) I definitely pull more weight than him and I think he has ADHD, which makes him struggle to help and be aware of helping. Lately we’ve been somewhat good with splitting meals and dishes whatever, I know it can change with work stress, fatigue whatever. But last week my partner was out of the house watching his uncle’s dog so he was barely home. He was sleeping over at his uncles house and would come home for meals sometimes and stuff like that. I started becoming super fixated on him not helping with the dishes before he left and would constantly feel urges to yell about it. Even though the week prior everything was good when it came to that (sometimes with my ROCD I’ll even question myself and be like was it?) so I have started 4 separate fights arguing about dishes and chores and mentioning that he doesn’t help enough and if this continues I’ll have to leave… it’s so hard for me to snap out of it and just realize that he was going back and forth and didn’t think to help because he was busy with helping his uncle. And then I get such a negative view of him in my head that I nitpick his appearance, I make comments, etc, because my underlying fear is he doesn’t care to help, he will never change, and we will fail. So it’s almost like I’m looking to have a reason to run before I actually need to? It’s a constant cycle for me and I’m truly so exhausted by myself. But also relationships are so hard for me because I struggled SO much with trying to depend on others that I almost don’t let myself depend on others…. Any advice is appreciated but also just like do you also experience this? Thank you & pls be kind 🥺🥺🥺
- Date posted
- 10w
First off - I’m sorry, I post here a lot. My thoughts are going to be scattered because I have the adhd/ocd/executive dysfunction wombo combo. Im so embarrassed I am THIS neurodivergent. I swear my brain couldn’t pick one struggle and settle with it. I’m not making these diagnoses quirky personality traits by any means, in fact, in this post im venting about how exhausting and embarassed I am living with a brain like this on the daily. I need to hear someone’s advice please. I love hearing everyone’s advice on posts because it’s so useful, and brings me back down to reality. Everyone on here gives advice so tastefully in a way where it doesn’t feed into the self reassurance compulsion, but it’s also been thorough and constructive enough where it’s reminded me to ground myself in a healthy way. I love seeing others helping others, it soothes me. This community has been so kind, and I’m so happy I found it. I wish I could ask more, but I have so many questions I think it’d drive everyone here crazy lol. I am doing erp therapy now, and it’s been teaching me so many amazing techniques. I’ve been making progress. However, I sometimes have my moments of vunerablity. I’ve been experiencing this especially now more than ever because I am going through a breakup. He did it through text after nearly 9 months together. I’d do anything for him and love him through anything, and he broke my heart when I least expected it. I’d make his bed for him multiple times, but I haven’t done that for myself in years. I’d sit with him for hours to watch and do anything he likes, but he’d never do the same and I’d never do the same for me. I’m also at fault because I was too scared to speak up so I let a lot of disrespect slide. Why did my ocd do that? Why does ocd make me people please even when I don’t want to? Why does OCD make me care so much about things that will never effect me (like wanting validation from a random person on the street and hoping they’ll think I’m pretty enough to look at), but then when it comes to my future or positive wellbeing (like focusing on college/doing well in classes/personal hygiene/health), forces me to not care/neglect myself and those needs? I don’t understand it. Ocd makes me think everything’s a setup or a trap. I can never believe that I am fine right where I want to be. Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I even think this much? I care and feel so deeply but it becomes unhealthy so fast because ocd makes me fixate and I stay there for a while. For some reason I let this breakup define my self worth. I let it topple into the ocd fear that I will never make it in life - that I won’t be successful, I’ll never get the career I want, the love I want, or the life I want. My OCD’s version of “logic” isn’t even logical. Yes, I understand how the breakup means feelings of low self worth which will then topple into feeling bad about other things. But why has my brain been wired to think this way? Why does it seem so easy for everyone else to function normally with life but not me? Honestly this is the first time in my life where I’m dedicated to focusing on myself and learning more about myself instead of others in my life and it’s a very odd and bizarre feeling. I’m excited of course, but I’m also scared. My ocd makes me ruminate like “what if I will never make the most of this life I’ve been given”, “what if I truly have no worth and the most I will ever be in other people’s lives is a background character”, “why do I care if I’m a background character or not? I should feel guilty and ignorant for assuming everyone will automatically like me”, “are people lying to me when they call me pretty, smart or kind?”, “I need to look and sound perfect in both pictures, videos and in real life. I will never be satisfied for accepting who I am now”, and a bunch of other annoying questions. But sometimes it’s like I just can’t take the reality for what it is but at the same time, but I also acknowledge that I know this is ocd talking. This is so, so difficult. Do I make any sense with what I’m saying? Can anyone help?
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