- Username
- Ocd_istheworst
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Yea so i tend to do the same thing. I’m always listening too carefully for him to slip up or say something that goes against something else he said. I happen to take many things to heart and dissect every little thing he says to me. It’s almost like my brain is looking for an issue and something to argue about
This made me feel so much less alone. I wasn’t even expecting a response because I feel like most of my themes or obsessions aren’t relatable to anyone on here. But It’s awful because I keep re- thinking of the convo and I’m trying not to ruminate on it but then I try to hang into one thing he said that is reassuring but then it makes it worse bc that’s also a compulsion bc I find more loop holes or then think he’s lying or something. It’s exhausting to keep rehashing things and I’m trying not to continue and just sit with the uncertainty 😭
I find that nothing my boyfriend says will ever make me feel better. Even knowing his answer will still bring you uncertainty because will you truly know ? No but all you can do is accept and live with that uncertainty.
This is what I experience too, I thought I was the only one doing this. I always try to figure out if my boyfriend really means it when he says he loves me and the tone of voice he says it. I try to figure out literally every gesture or anything. From the way he dresses; if he dressed nice does it mean he likes me? I also have an ocd theme that is when I say “I love you” back to him it sounds so fake when really I do love him. Because I am so over focused on my tone of voice when I say “I love you” that it comes out sounding ingenuine. And I have an ocd thing when I meet his family members because I am also really socially anxious and I think I oversmile or seem weird when I meet them and spend so many hours a day ruminating and trying to figure out if they like me or not. I just want to find a way to stop ruminating and to stop caring but I don’t know how to. If you guys have suggestions please tell me because I’m desperate as well
I have social anxiety too really bad and I also feel super weird when I talk to my bf’s family also and I keep thinking did I say that weird or did they think it was weird or was I awkward sounding?? Did I come off rude bc I’m awkward?? Etc etc and I ruminate on that too and how I said things.
And I keep thinking he doesn’t care about me as much as others even though he shows me he loves me and I always obsess if he likes or finds his friends gf’s more attractive than me. It’s been five years and it’s still the same major themes for me!!!!! I
I feel the same way with the whole “i love you” sometimes when i say it i get a knot in my stomach which then makes Me feel like I’m lying to him and myself and then I’m just a big ol fake. But all we can do is sit with the uncertainty of everything. Ruminating gives those thoughts power and we want to make them lose its power because we’re in control!
@Ocdkillsme Yes exactly! We literally think the same, I always ruminate too if they think I come off as rude when really I avoid eye contact because I’m so afraid (because I have staring ocd too where I am afraid to look at people because I do not want to accidentally look at their private parts) when really I don’t even think about people in inappropriate ways like that but I am so scared if my eyes look at them like that that I just try to avoid looking at any human. It’s so debilitating
@Anonymous I know exactly how that churning stomach feels. That’s so true! We need to stop feeding the ruminations! We are bigger than OCD!
I feel w this. My bf responded to a question I had which was to get reassurance and I didn’t read into a certain part until last night and the answer I got was around 2 months ago and so now I’m wondering if it is true what he meant, if it true and not innocent like I want it to be, if it is what it is type of thing? Or that it proves my fear is actually real or not. Or I keep wondering if it’s innocent and he just didn’t mean to say something but then when I asked him later he said something that really seemed like what he said was true and I don’t like it and maybe it’s super innocent just like if I did the same thing but I’m so confused especially when something doesn’t add up and i know I shouldn’t try and solve the thought but ughh I keep trying to because I wanna know so bad.
But then I also think omg what if there is no way of reassurance for what I asked because it is what he actually meant.. because idk if I even asked what I wanted to because it is like the same theme just a different thought now.. The only good thing about this is the more I think about it I’m going to get tired and just be like whatever but then I start to feel depressed. I just wanna have my thoughts shut up and be able to know what he meant and have it be what I want it to be. Other stuff because I got the reassurance now I don’t rlly obsess about it anymore after two months especially because I have this new thought. But now since I don’t have any reassurance and I’m not going to get any from him, maybe cuz there is none idk. I have sm uncertainty.
Jazmine, I feel the EXACT same ways with my bf and things he has said in the past and with his reassurances and not knowing what’s true or real or not and hoping it’s innocent or etc etc. what you described is literally how I feel about sooooo many situations and months pass and then I randomly remember again and I get in a deep distressed panic and get depressed like severely depressed and I don’t know what he really meant or I didn’t ask the right questions at the time that I now have. I have had these for things scaling from five years ago to now! It’s HORRIBLE!!!!!!
@Ocdkillsme OMG I FEEL W THIS ON SO MANY LEVELS. I’m glad I have someone to relate to, even though it does suck you are going through this too. I have had sm types of ocd it’s annoying. All different types, probably almost every type you can think of.
@Ocdkillsme Like then I think omg that literally proves the fear is right, or does it? Maybe it’s innocent maybe it’s not innocent. Maybe it’s how I picture it and it’s not reassurance it’s just the truth. Maybe sadly there is no reassuring thing. Like some people ask for reassurance and they get it to disprove their fear but what if my fear is actually proven yk? Or maybe I’m just not thinking. That’s the scary part is like what is it proves my fear is true because it literally says that and I think it is proving it to be right. It’s like how am I supposed to not solve the thought, if it’s something he said that wasn’t reassuring at all anymore because I had a new thought that contradicts what he said.
@Jazmine_Leigh My Nocd therapist I went to always told me during these spikes that what he said back then is irrelevant. It’s just a thought and you can sit through the distress of not having that “closure” or “answer” you’re craving because it’ll always be something else on top of that. Then why did it change in his answer now but not then? What if he’s lying now? WhAt if he forgot what the situation even was and I will never know the real answer? When it comes down to it, we will never know all the depths of their thoughts and actions just like how they will never know all of ours. And we have to try and except that and we can do that my just exposing ourselves to , yea whatever that would cause me the most distress about this probably is true, oh well. I’ll never know for sure. And go on with your day. But it’s soooo hard. And ERP scripts really helped me in the past and I’m trying to start them up again with my current obsession. :( I wish it wasn’t sooo painful. I honestly felt so alone before because no one has this same type it seems !!!!
@Ocdkillsme Yeah I totally understand that. Ig whats hard for me is it actually seems like it is true, like it kind of proves it is true and the answer lays right there. But ig maybe I am thinking about it irrational and not how I think, maybe I am reading into it too much and it’s not how I think even tho part of it is true because it would be for me in a way. Maybe he worded it strange and doesn’t mean it how he said it. But yeah these are all stuff I shouldn’t answer like you are saying because I’ll have another question. My bf is coming over today sometime and I’m rlly going to be proud of myself to not ask anything at all and just chill with him so I’m going to think of it like a game, like how long can I sit with the urge and how long until the urge dispates, so then I’m sitting with it and it’s a game instead of sitting with it and idk for how long and I just keep feeling let down, then it’s a game and I feel challenged to try harder and win that game.
@Jazmine_Leigh That is such a great way to put it! As a game! Let me know how it goes. You are stronger than the ocd!!! It makes us feel like these things are life and death and they aren’t. But boy do they feel like it is 😢😓 it’s so hard to be mindful around my partner when I’m feeling these compulsion urges to seek reassurance
For me i always go back to 3 specific things that my boyfriend has said to me in the past and when they come it’s like sooo hard to not keep asking him about it over and over again. I want to believe what he says because i do trust his word but my brain is always like nope he lied to you or he didn’t mean what he said...or did he ? 🤔
Yeah it’s def hard for me when what he said isn’t reassuring and I keep getting stuck on the part that really feels like this proves my fear is correct like actually is correct and right. It sucks because it’s like there prob is no reassurance part for me because it actually sounds like it is true and it is for me. Idkkk. But maybe I am thinking of it in a totally irrational way instead of how it is ?
YESSSSS I DO THE SAME. And it’s like why can’t I get past these certain things??? Why do other ppl not feel this in their relationships too ?? I get it’s bc we have ocd and others don’t but it feels so real and normal to ruminate on these things idk how ppl without ocd function so easily ughhhhh
@Ocdkillsme Yea i ask myself the same question everyday lol...but they have the same thoughts we do...just don’t drive themselves crazy about it 🤦🏻♀️
Yea I do this a lot!
It’s exhausting and I just wish my brain would just settle the hell down on all it’s loop holes it’s trying to get 😭😩
@Ocdkillsme I totally understand the exhaustion part. I have to nap daily if I can becsuse my brain runs 110%
@jenzbugrulz1978 ME TOO!!!!! I just can’t escape it anymore I just sleep all the time now bc I just give up I really do
@Ocdkillsme I'm sorry hun! Have you had any success with meds at all?
@jenzbugrulz1978 I was on clomipramine for four years but got off of them bc of dead dead drive. Coming off was scary and dangerous and I’m scared to try new ones bc of the same side effects :( are u on meds currently? They did help a lot when I was on them and idk it’s always a catch 22 with them though.
@Ocdkillsme I have been on some for 25 plus yrs after having ended up inthe hospital more than 1 time. Recently they had to take me off several meds due to a dangerous arrhythmia. Right now its a struggle more than Ive had in decades.
Has anyone ever had a fixation on words? It sounds weird but sometimes I get obsessed with the meanings of words or whether I understood something I heard or read, and then that intrusive thought distracts me from the conversation, book, tv show, etc. and I freak out because I feel like I can’t track/retain information normally. If I don’t have that thought I’m fine, but if it pops up, it’s so hard to get unstuck.
Hey everyone — I wrote this in my journal the other day and I’m curious if anyone else experiences “talking in circles” or not being able to “get to the point” when answering a question because you think that a lot of information is necessary to answer it. I have this problem with schoolwork. Instead of a one-sentence answer, I’ll write a long paragraph explaining details that are relevant but aren’t necessary to answer the question. This entry is out of context, but I think you’ll get the vibe: ‘I want to say that I understood what you were asking. You were asking, “What has helped you to make progress in the past?” I understood why you were asking that question: so that you can help facilitate me in following the plan. I suppose I just didn’t have a good answer. And when I tried to answer, the thought I expressed branched off into another semi-related topic. I feel as if I can’t get a clear thought through. It makes me feel like I am stupid and unable to hold a followable and intelligible conversation. And then I understood what you were doing in response: you acknowledged what I said respectfully and then found a way to circle back to your original question which I didn’t answer very well. And then I would try and explain my answer to the original question again, but I had no direct answer and it led me off onto another path. I feel as if my cognition makes it difficult to hold a cohesive, purposeful, and coherent conversation. I want to apologize because I feel like I’m waisting time instead of getting to the important questions / topics. I really, really wish I could just put my stupid thoughts together in a concise way so that I could answer your question. I am painfully aware of my circling thoughts and overly-detailed responses that are difficult to follow. I am very self-conscious of it. And I am very well aware of which thoughts are normal and which are disordered. That’s why I always say, “I know that’s disordered.” I get afraid that people will think I’m crazy. I don’t know why this happens to me. Maybe it’s OCD, anxiety, or maybe it’s some other disorder that I’m not diagnosed with yet (ADD)? I’m also unsure if I talk like this all the time or if it’s only when I get anxiety or when a lot of thoughts that I want to express come into my mind at once. The same thing sometimes happens when I do my schoolwork. I get anxiety that what I am saying is unintelligible and that what I am saying makes no sense. I wonder if more medication will help or if this is just how I think. And I bet I’ve repeated myself numerous times in this script. So I’ll stop writing. I hope my point came across and I hope I was able to express all that I felt the need to say.’
Hey everyone! So this week I’ve been feeling really anxious, and just overall a lot of obsessive thoughts. The majority of them being due to my boyfriend and I’s 6 month anniversary coming up. I hadn’t heard of any plans for our anniversary, so earlier this week I started dropping hints that I was going to get him a little gift. When I said this, it was kinda obvious that I blindsided him, but then he quickly responded with, “oh, I have some surprises for you too!” So after that convo, my obsessive thoughts began. Is he going to get you a gift? If he doesn’t, he’s a shitty boyfriend. How could he forget about our anniversary? Some time after though, I was able to calm down after google searching (unfortunately, I think I did give into a compulsion bc I was so upset) and realized that we never really talked about our wants or expectations. Because, basically every month we celebrate our anniversary (he is so cute lol), no gifts or anything, but he makes sure to make me feel special every month. And after calming down, im pretty sure he didn’t know that I wanted our 6 month to be extra special. So, I calmed down. And, I thought it was even more sweet that he quickly followed my suit when I said I was going to get him a little gift. But, yesterday, when we met up to hang out, he decided to bring me my gift early, and he brought me flowers. Then, my obsessive thoughts came back. I thought, really, just flowers? How could he do this? How could he not think to not make this more special? I realized pretty quickly this was the OCD talking, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. And the entire day, I spent the whole day being hyper critical of every single thing he said. It was so exhausting, and I feel so ashamed. Anyway, at the end of the night, he was planning what we should do for our anniversary on Friday, and before this he apologized, and said he should’ve planned our anniversary beforehand. It made me feel immediately relieved from my thoughts. But, shortly thereafter, I was still hyper obsessing about any comment he made. And then, another thought popped in, and I thought, well I actually don’t really know what he was thinking or why he didn’t think our 6 months was special. Maybe I should ask him why so that we can have a fuller conversation about it, because afterwards he apologized, I accepted his apology very quickly and told him he didn’t need to worry about it. When I was worrying about it a lot lol. But I can’t tell if asking this is giving into a compulsion. Would this convo really benefit our relationship at all? I’m scared that because of this, this is why I’ve been so hyper critical of him and why my obsessive thoughts don’t stop. But that’s probably just my OCD latching onto everything. Any advice is appreciated :)
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