Anyone else try to poke holes in conversations with your bf/gf? Poke holes Of what they say? Like trying to figure out why they said something the way they said it or what it means if he said that then that contradicts this that he said in the same convo etc etc and trying to “figure it all out” and they just keep getting frustrated when it’s not always that complicated to them ? The cycle never ends. Like I have such a detailed way of listening and understanding things that my bf says and apparently it’s “picking it apart”. But to me it’s like well if it contradicts it then I’m going to call it out and keep asking questions and I get it’s a compulsion but at the same time why do ppl not think this way?!!! It seems intelligent to realize things like this but it’s “ocd” ? I just am so tired of this

This made me feel so much less alone. I wasn’t even expecting a response because I feel like most of my themes or obsessions aren’t relatable to anyone on here. But It’s awful because I keep re- thinking of the convo and I’m trying not to ruminate on it but then I try to hang into one thing he said that is reassuring but then it makes it worse bc that’s also a compulsion bc I find more loop holes or then think he’s lying or something. It’s exhausting to keep rehashing things and I’m trying not to continue and just sit with the uncertainty 😭

I have social anxiety too really bad and I also feel super weird when I talk to my bf’s family also and I keep thinking did I say that weird or did they think it was weird or was I awkward sounding?? Did I come off rude bc I’m awkward?? Etc etc and I ruminate on that too and how I said things.

And I keep thinking he doesn’t care about me as much as others even though he shows me he loves me and I always obsess if he likes or finds his friends gf’s more attractive than me. It’s been five years and it’s still the same major themes for me!!!!! I

I feel the same way with the whole “i love you” sometimes when i say it i get a knot in my stomach which then makes Me feel like I’m lying to him and myself and then I’m just a big ol fake. But all we can do is sit with the uncertainty of everything. Ruminating gives those thoughts power and we want to make them lose its power because we’re in control!

@Ocdkillsme Yes exactly! We literally think the same, I always ruminate too if they think I come off as rude when really I avoid eye contact because I’m so afraid (because I have staring ocd too where I am afraid to look at people because I do not want to accidentally look at their private parts) when really I don’t even think about people in inappropriate ways like that but I am so scared if my eyes look at them like that that I just try to avoid looking at any human. It’s so debilitating

@Anonymous I know exactly how that churning stomach feels. That’s so true! We need to stop feeding the ruminations! We are bigger than OCD!

Jazmine, I feel the EXACT same ways with my bf and things he has said in the past and with his reassurances and not knowing what’s true or real or not and hoping it’s innocent or etc etc. what you described is literally how I feel about sooooo many situations and months pass and then I randomly remember again and I get in a deep distressed panic and get depressed like severely depressed and I don’t know what he really meant or I didn’t ask the right questions at the time that I now have. I have had these for things scaling from five years ago to now! It’s HORRIBLE!!!!!!

@Ocdkillsme OMG I FEEL W THIS ON SO MANY LEVELS. I’m glad I have someone to relate to, even though it does suck you are going through this too. I have had sm types of ocd it’s annoying. All different types, probably almost every type you can think of.

@Ocdkillsme Like then I think omg that literally proves the fear is right, or does it? Maybe it’s innocent maybe it’s not innocent. Maybe it’s how I picture it and it’s not reassurance it’s just the truth. Maybe sadly there is no reassuring thing. Like some people ask for reassurance and they get it to disprove their fear but what if my fear is actually proven yk? Or maybe I’m just not thinking. That’s the scary part is like what is it proves my fear is true because it literally says that and I think it is proving it to be right. It’s like how am I supposed to not solve the thought, if it’s something he said that wasn’t reassuring at all anymore because I had a new thought that contradicts what he said.

@Jazmine_Leigh My Nocd therapist I went to always told me during these spikes that what he said back then is irrelevant. It’s just a thought and you can sit through the distress of not having that “closure” or “answer” you’re craving because it’ll always be something else on top of that. Then why did it change in his answer now but not then? What if he’s lying now? WhAt if he forgot what the situation even was and I will never know the real answer? When it comes down to it, we will never know all the depths of their thoughts and actions just like how they will never know all of ours. And we have to try and except that and we can do that my just exposing ourselves to , yea whatever that would cause me the most distress about this probably is true, oh well. I’ll never know for sure. And go on with your day. But it’s soooo hard. And ERP scripts really helped me in the past and I’m trying to start them up again with my current obsession. :( I wish it wasn’t sooo painful. I honestly felt so alone before because no one has this same type it seems !!!!

@Ocdkillsme Yeah I totally understand that. Ig whats hard for me is it actually seems like it is true, like it kind of proves it is true and the answer lays right there. But ig maybe I am thinking about it irrational and not how I think, maybe I am reading into it too much and it’s not how I think even tho part of it is true because it would be for me in a way. Maybe he worded it strange and doesn’t mean it how he said it. But yeah these are all stuff I shouldn’t answer like you are saying because I’ll have another question. My bf is coming over today sometime and I’m rlly going to be proud of myself to not ask anything at all and just chill with him so I’m going to think of it like a game, like how long can I sit with the urge and how long until the urge dispates, so then I’m sitting with it and it’s a game instead of sitting with it and idk for how long and I just keep feeling let down, then it’s a game and I feel challenged to try harder and win that game.

@Jazmine_Leigh That is such a great way to put it! As a game! Let me know how it goes. You are stronger than the ocd!!! It makes us feel like these things are life and death and they aren’t. But boy do they feel like it is 😢😓 it’s so hard to be mindful around my partner when I’m feeling these compulsion urges to seek reassurance

Yeah it’s def hard for me when what he said isn’t reassuring and I keep getting stuck on the part that really feels like this proves my fear is correct like actually is correct and right. It sucks because it’s like there prob is no reassurance part for me because it actually sounds like it is true and it is for me. Idkkk. But maybe I am thinking of it in a totally irrational way instead of how it is ?

YESSSSS I DO THE SAME. And it’s like why can’t I get past these certain things??? Why do other ppl not feel this in their relationships too ?? I get it’s bc we have ocd and others don’t but it feels so real and normal to ruminate on these things idk how ppl without ocd function so easily ughhhhh

@Ocdkillsme Yea i ask myself the same question everyday lol...but they have the same thoughts we do...just don’t drive themselves crazy about it 🤦🏻‍♀️

It’s exhausting and I just wish my brain would just settle the hell down on all it’s loop holes it’s trying to get 😭😩

@Ocdkillsme I totally understand the exhaustion part. I have to nap daily if I can becsuse my brain runs 110%

@jenzbugrulz1978 ME TOO!!!!! I just can’t escape it anymore I just sleep all the time now bc I just give up I really do

@Ocdkillsme I'm sorry hun! Have you had any success with meds at all?

@jenzbugrulz1978 I was on clomipramine for four years but got off of them bc of dead dead drive. Coming off was scary and dangerous and I’m scared to try new ones bc of the same side effects :( are u on meds currently? They did help a lot when I was on them and idk it’s always a catch 22 with them though.

@Ocdkillsme I have been on some for 25 plus yrs after having ended up inthe hospital more than 1 time. Recently they had to take me off several meds due to a dangerous arrhythmia. Right now its a struggle more than Ive had in decades.