Ive noticed my ocd likes to corrupt real memories and make it seem like i did something bad when in reality I didn’t. Does this happen with some of you where you think of a past even and then an intrusive pops out corrupting your memory.

Right it’s like you know youre a good person and you wouldn’t do that but your ocd is like oh but the intrusive though what if you really where bad and you just don’t think you where like bitch wtf! These things never even popped up ever until now when you just created them

@NOCD Advocate - Daniella M. What if it were things that did happen or false memories and you can't help but just think about them endlessly?

@BigGip09 Could be a possibility for some in other words real event ocd but I actually do recall my memories but I’ve noticed whenever im stressed out and im thinking of a good memory my ocd comes in and corrupts it with a fearful intrusive

@BigGip09 But what past demons are currently bugging you when we speak up about certain things and put them out in the universe it tends to help you so much more and you find a clarity

@NOCD Advocate - Daniella M. That sometimes happens to me too. My OCD mainly relies on my mood, sometimes I could think of the thoughts and not be too bothered by them but when I'm not feeling it like right now, it really gets to me

@BigGip09 I totally get where you’re coming from and then when you feel like poop its like your ocd uses it as an advantage and you start thinking of what if it is real but then your common sense goes well if it where what about it is so wrong? Secondly it just popped out now so could it really be a memory not likely! But I get you the anxiety from it starts to hit and at the momejt you kind of believe it might be real

@BigGip09 But let me tell you it isn’t real its just our fears its like our brain knows what we are currently fearing so it imagines it. What I’ve noticed about us who suffer with ocd is that we have really big imaginations. Thus, why its so easy for us to fall in the stupid false memory loop

@NOCD Advocate - Daniella M. Well it's about the things I did in the past when I was a teenager like sexting with other teenagers when I myself was one I never worried about it then and I never got bothered by it. When I look back on it it's all I'm bothered by and I'm afraid something that I've done in the past is gonna get me to jail when I never even knew it was bad at the time I did it I wasn't thinking about the consequences at the time I was just so needy and clingy for a relationship with a girl now I'm getting false memory that's trying to say even though I was a minor there was too big an age gap. Looking back I just hate the things I did at those times just because I was so focused on wanting a relationship to make me happy

@NOCD Advocate - Daniella M. My other fear has to do with seeing horrible messed up content online by accident and worrying that one day I'm gonna get tossed away into a jail cell for something I didn't know that I did wrong. And back when I was so desperate for a relationship to have someone love me I was at a point where I didn't care if it was a boy or a girl and I hate myself for that because I've always liked girls but this nasty fucking desperation made me go otherwise and I just hate myself everytime I think about it. I just hate being a teenager. I hate that I even tried to explore sexually. Just wish I never did it like I am now

@NOCD Advocate - Daniella M. I guess I just have trouble remembering all the details and it doesn't make it better that I keep ruminating

@BigGip09 Stop yourself from ruminating what helps me is me remembering what my first real memory was and i distinguish the new corrupt intrusives from corrupting my memory

@NOCD Advocate - Daniella M. That's what every body says that I just have a ruminating problem and leave it at that what if it's more than that but what if it's not? I don't know where it lies

@BigGip09 It’s not more than that its h th e fact that you are a caring person with ocd thats why you get so worried that you might have done something wrong as a teenager but in reality you didnt

@NOCD Advocate - Daniella M. Well even if I really didn't do anything wrong how do I stop thinking about it endlessly? I just want to stop thinking it. I don't want it in my head anymore because then the doubt cones in and then I'm back to ruminating

What helps me understand and differentiate is the fact that I always remembered these memories suddenly an intrusive came and corrupted it and it’s true before you always remembered the memory as it was until ocd came in and ruined it.

@NOCD Advocate - Daniella M. True, like the fact that when I was writing it I knew it was coming from me. But sometimes it's as soon as I've written a sentence that I start to doubt :(

@Scoggy Yes exactly remember try not to doubt it is very hard believe me. But remind yourself that the doubt is ocd