I really think this isn’t OCD. I haven’t gotten into relationships because I found them stressful, even though I wanted them, it’s always been easier for me to make close connections with female friends, whom I love a lot, and I’m very comfortable with them. I was extremely jealous at how they were able to talk to guys so easily whereas I always had an anxiety attack over it, or felt like I was forcing myself to be attracted to random people. I didn’t want to get married and found the thought of living alone, maybe with friends, a lot more enjoyable. I can’t imagine myself in a long term relationship with men at all. I had crushes on guys. I wasn’t boy crazy but I did notice them all the time. I had butterflies around 1 girl I thought was cool in middle school, and have admired women for being pretty, but I’ve never wanted to date them, and I never thought about them after. There was one girl in high school that I thought was super smart and I wanted to be her friend but I got this thought of ‘omg what if I have a crush on her?’ in high school and for a while I thought I did but I was honestly uncomfortable at the thought. I never thought I was a lesbian, for a while I thought I was bi, but I never wanted a relationship with women, and honestly I’ve doubted how attracted to them I was, because I just didn’t feel comfortable at the thought of doing anything with them. I could admire them but that’s about it. The thought made me uncomfortable. I’ve never fantasized about relationships with women, always about men. I’ve never even watched lesbian porn. What if I’m just a lesbian and I can’t admit it??

You don’t need to be straight to have HOOCD. You can be asexual or aromantic or whatever and still be afraid of something you’re not.

Sounds like HOCD.

If ur asking what if questions it’s probably OCD

I feel so sick. I never wanted to get married and I wanted to live alone once I got my career figured out and do a lot of volunteer work and travel and have lots of dogs but now I’m afraid I’m a lesbian and that all has to change. I valued my friendships so much because they honestly saved me when I was in a really tough spot but I’m afraid I’m in love with one of them. I used to get thoughts about whether or not I wanted to kiss one of my friends two or three times but I always brushed it off bc no I didn’t and it made me uncomfortable and now I’m afraid that that means I actually wanted to? All my dreams for the future feel like a fake now. I’m afraid I’m going to start wanting to date women, and I’ve questioned myself a thousand times that if I feel so comfortable around my friends why wouldn’t I want to date them but I just want to stay friends, I don’t want to fall in love with a woman in the future but I keep getting these feelings that make me feel like I like the thoight? Even though I feel sickly at the same time?

I never used to balk at the thought of living with my girl friends for a few years until I could go off on my own. I really enjoyed the thought of living alone, kn a farm maybe, working in healthcare and holistic healing. I wanted a lot of dogs. I wanted to adopt. I still want all of those things but now I’m afraid I want to marry a woman. I’ve never been interested in them like that. I am very comfortable with them, but I know it’s not romantically. My old therapist didn’t believe me when I said I wanted to just be on my own, start a family on my own, she told me I needed a man and I know I didn’t want that, which scared me even more.