- Username
- ma345
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I didn’t write this post to offend anyone. I wrote it because I feel like some of you are unnecessarily hard on yourselves by labeling yourself as an addict. Just because you have weird sexual thoughts that sometimes feels arousing doesn’t mean you are an addict. It just means you are having such thoughts that are caused by OCD and there’s NOTHING wrong with that. That’s all I’m saying here.
If you’re reading this post, be extra careful not to use the criteria provided as a compulsion! Many may use these points to now try to “figure out” whether or not they have ocd or a “real” sexual issue. And they’ll likely spend a lot of time ruminating on these points, mentally reviewing their past, doing further internet research, etc. These are compulsions and unhelpful. A better approach would be to review this once and be done! Any further questions you should turn to embracing the uncertainty: “maybe looking into this further will mean X, or maybe not. I don’t know and I don’t need to know with any more certainty than I got reading this through once.”
Should I delete this then? I don’t want this making anyone more stressed out than they already are
Pureolife, I’m probably overthinking this but do you not like the way I post things sometimes? I feel like today in particular you’ve been jumping into multiple statuses that I’ve commented on, and now this one that I posted.
@ma345 It’s up to you! Just adding a disclaimer so people remember to resist compulsions here. To your second point, I’m just responding to people posting, same as you. 🤷♀️
@pureolife If the comments on this post resemble reassurance seeking, then I’ll take it down
so if i can’t relate it means i’m not a sex addict. then what am i then
I’m not a doctor and my experience is probably different from yours, but what I’ve listed are just some general things that i and many others with sex addiction suffer from.
@ma345 Although if you can’t relate to what I’ve written down, then I’d say that you are probably a regular non-addict who experiences intrusive sexual thoughts caused by OCD.
It’s relate a bit to the first one, a lot to second one (though I don’t act out more to escape it) and to the last one (but that trauma I think doesn’t phase me so much anymore). It’s just hard because I do get pleasure from the fantasies so I can’t completely say it’s OCD. My OCD has hijacked this and made me worry, but I can’t deny that I am brought pleasure by watching porn, ya know? :/
I relate **
I’m gonna incorporate what you and pureolife said and just take a step forwards to accept the uncertainty around it. That’ll help with the OCD aspect. In general though, I’m also gonna stop watch porn
I worried about this a bit a while back, but I do not relate to any of the criteria you said, so I don’t think I’m a sex addict. Now I just have this thing where I used to enjoy sexual things, like enjoying NSFW fanfiction, but now thanks to my POCD if I ever think of anything sexual at all I feel disgusted because it’s like “oh yeah you like sexual things...with children”. Like NO!
I relate to 2 and 3. I was never taught how to truly love someone and I still don't really understand how it works because I haven't catched feelings with someone before. Preferably a girl my age. I am 19 years old and I've struggled with OCD since July 2020. My themes are real event OCD, perfectionism, harm, and on and off POCD. I say that because I'm not attracted to kids but my OCD likes to merge intrusive thoughts along with distortions of false memories to make it seem otherwise. So in my last year of middle school is when I first discovered porn, which is I guess you could say my true beginning with puberty and that side of the world. In high school, I was your typical hormonal teenager that acted on impulses at times. Ever since I was 15 I would flirt with girls a lot and on occasion sext with them. I never thought too hard about it but I had done that whenever they did it back and we're okay with it at the time. Also in middle school I had discovered my foot fetish, which is what I tried to use in combination of my flirting and sexting to girls. I had stopped doing this around the age of 16 and 17 and something about my realized it wasn't something I needed to do or was truly uncomfortable with doing I guess. I was never bothered about doing these things at the time but now I am. I'm constantly bothered that I've done it in the first place, bothered about the false memories of an age gap, bothered that I may have been taken advantage of, and bothered of the consequences at times. I was never aware of these things when I did it but now that I'm older, I am. The third point you made is what reasonated with me the most on the entire post. No matter what I think or feel, I use masturbation to try and get out of my feelings, out of my head, and out of reality in hopes to feel truly happy. If I knew of other ways to feel the happiest like I used to in the past, I don't think I would masturbate as much as I do now. I don't necessarily have people that always tell me to stop doing it because they either do it themselves or they don't know that I do it this much. I never used to worry about this at the time because it was something I enjoyed and didn't think was all that bad since I had gotten close with those girls at different points. Especially since they came into me first. Your 5th point I don't know if I relate to it or not. As a very young boy, I used to have a fear of girls altogether that subsided, I was bullied on occasion by others, including some friends, and I never really had a crush on a girl before. I never got feelings or chills down my spine seeing a pretty face or a nice smile. Sure I was friends with girls, but I never knew how to truly distinguish feelings for one or just seeing her as an amazing friend. After a while of worrying about a porn addiction on the rise, I decided to do myself a favor and install porn blockers. I've talked to some friends about it, they've gave me valid opinions. I've read articles, I've gotten research, I've gotten to understand how common something like this is. Still getting more results as I type this and see everyone else talk about their issues. Back to the topic of using masturbation to escape reality and negative feelings. I don't feel myself being turned on by porn sites, but more of softcore content that I can find on YouTube. While no site is perfect, I've found videos that were enough to do it for me. One sleepless night, I couldn't set my head straight. Usually masturbating is what helps me sleep at night when I can't because by then I'm too tired to do much, such as think, feel, or to do anything after. I watched videos on YouTube that were the usual validations for me. I felt I wasn't getting a kick out of the usual content I've seen over and over. I decided to look up girls my age at the time and things felt better. I was getting even more of a kick then I thought. But everything started to subside when I saw comments saying the opposite of what I was thinking of even wanted. They debated her age even though the video said she was 18. I went with the assumption because I felt watching someone my age doing something I find arousing would satisfy me that night. My main attraction falls with women my age and much older women. It's been that way since my high school days. I hate that the comments debated such things and it left me uncertain of everything that night. Then after exiting the video, I then tried to find another video. Unfortunately, it manages to get worse. I saw a playlist that contained exploiting themes with children (although the videos weren't anything sexual at all, just the titles/comments) I saw that and it added onto my disgust for that night and I clicked out of YouTube entirely. It still haunts me to this day. This isn't the only time I've seen horrible things on social media sites. On Instagram, I had accidentally spotted cartoon CP because I found what I thought to be a meme channel through my search feed of memes hosting comments. I had reported the post. Sick. On Twitter (something I'll never use ever again) I had seen accounts hosting beastiality (which I think people tagged the accounts to report the horror in the first place), and knowing Twitter that enables so many hazardous things, they didn't take it down even if it was reported. Another incident on Twitter was a video of a man being killed with the blast of a shotgun posted by someone who called everyone sensitive in the comments for not finding that funny I guess. I understand that these social handles can't be perfect and neither can we as humans, but this still bothers me to this very day when I don't want it to. I know I didn't like what I saw because I worry about it all the time, I don't seek content of such, and I don't make my own, download any of it, or share it to anyone. No one needs to see things that horrible. And I wish I hadn't. In comparison to all of the reasons you've listed, I don't think I am a sex addict. I will say that I've had earlier experiences that influenced my fetish. Most of the time my household would have family members walking around barefoot, the smell of feet would come up and I enjoyed it, and the tickling/massaging sensations of the sole of the foot is what I mainly remember in terms of childhood experience.
Someone's input on this would be greatly appreciated :)
@BigGip09 Is there a question in there?
@pureolife I'm not sure, my main intent was to try and understand if I was a sex addict or not, and I don't think I am. I think my only concerns were the events about sexting and what happened that one night on YouTube, which I'm slowly getting over.
@BigGip09 I think it’s important not to start performing compulsions in order to figure this out. If it’s not immediately clear, lean into uncertainty and move on. Otherwise it’s just going to become an ocd spiral.
@pureolife Oh, I'm way ahead of you when it comes to checking compulsions and all that. I'd just feel so much worse doing that. I'm now trying my best not to ruminate over the events and move on with my life. Away from the unchangeable past.
OCD is just another Addiction. Here is why: During the battle against OCD, working to connect the dots and through own experiences to understand what is it that we confront with and how to overcome it, I realized something about OCD, that I would like to share. If my opinion is seen fit and useful, it may help understand in a certain angle what is happening in our minds and the mindset towards recovery. OCD is just another Addiction. We humans are wired to do two things – Seek Pleasure and Avoid Pain. Both are basically one thing. To be in the Pleasurable state of existence. In short, OCD is a self-drugging behavior to avoid pain, so the brain can release the feel good chemicals. All our systems are wired for pleasure seeking and escaping the pain. When we find the pleasure or escape the pain- there is a reward- we feel good, euphoria, a relief. Our brains release the ‘Feel good chemicals- from our own brain’s pharmacy’, the neurotransmitters Dopamine, Norepinephrine, Serotonin, GABA, etc… these are the ones we develop a ‘tough love’ relationship with. Substances, like drugs and alcohol stimulate the release of our own ‘pharmacy’, BUT, not only substances do that- Reinforced Behavior does that too, more correctly, thoughts, emotions and actions that reinforce the ‘feel good’ such as gambling and love addictions, these behaviors release neurotransmitters of reward due to pleasure, are addictive and cause withdrawal when ceased. As research shown, OCD is related to childhood traumas and the resulting lack of self-love. When self-love is not around, Fear sips in. That’s just a survival mechanism. The mind say: No self-love? No pleasure? No problem, I will give you something to avoid- that will make me feel good. That thing is Fear/Anxiety- the source of pain to be avoided- so you can feel good about yourself when you managed to avoid it. OCD is just an upgraded version of anxiety, when the subconscious actually ‘Tames’ you to get that good feeling when Anxiety by itself didn’t result in self love and relaxation. This process is addicting, making sure you will ‘feel good’ many times throughout the day, keeping the ‘high’. Ever wondered why compulsions are repetitive, because the brain sees it as self-dosing, each action serves a dose, more hand washing, more doses of feel good to make the pain go away, until after 10 times- Doubt which is the measuring tool of how many doses are needed gives a temporary green light, until the next craving. That is why, Obssessions are basically just Cravings- a Call for Action- “Give me my dose of good feeling! Go and avoid this painful fear!” Have you ever wondered why other people don’t get inside that loop a person with OCD find themselves of ‘Thoughts/Feelings/Images/Urges’ Because in a same way, a non-addicted person cannot figure why an addict Craves drugs, and cannot ‘just stop with it’. OCD Obsesseions are just Craving, that’s why they come unsolicited, that’s why, certain situations flare them up, the subconscious mind finds an opportunity to get a dose and evokes an obsession to get the compulsion- the dose of feel good. Our brains are the ultimate ‘Drug Designers’, and can come with the worst fears to make you do one thing- Dose yourself with Avoidance. That is why, as suggested for drug addiction, on how to deal with cravings, perhaps one of the best things to do is just sit with it, surf the pain, watch the film the subconscious brain plays. What you see/think/feel means nothing, and nothing about you, it’s a movie played for you. A trick. Feel the urges until they pass, you are stronger than you imagine, and pain should be confronted to be defeated. Obsessions will come as cravings come, they will flare when there is a high chance to get the ‘fix’. But, with time they decrease until they disappear, because you train your subconscious mind there is NO ‘fix’ from those thoughts, stories, urges and movies.
This is going to be a post that talks about sexual OCD, real events, and POCD. People 18 AND OLDER please. I actually have something that bothers me from time to time about OCD. The topic of that is avoidance. Masturbation is a problem for me. Everybody knows what it is, most of us have done it, yet we don't talk about it. Is it avoidance if I choose not to masturbate because of the guilt I feel after? Should I not do it because of the sexual intrusive thoughts that come up? Should I avoid it completely because I don't want to be addicted to it or be deemed a pervert? When I do it, pornography is not only not used, not needed, but not preferred. I don't know if avoiding it will help me or make me feel better about myself. On one hand I want to control my urges but on the other I feel like I'm restricting myself from what's being used as a harmless sexual release. This confuses me a lot. I find myself only doing it so the feelings of arousal, groinals, and urges go away completely but they come back. Is there a way for it to go away long term or should I get used to it?
When I was in like 3rd grade I went to a friends house and she turned on lesbian pornography. I then went home and watched it again, and again and again. This being the only pornography I have watched and “got off too”. I have always had heterosexual relationships and crushes since I was a young girl but this pornography addiction I think is what led me to SOOCD. I have always been scared of being gay and I remember telling myself when I was young when I would watch porn that “one day I have to figure this out, why do I watch this if I’m straight” and that was an ongoing question for years but I was always able to move on. So the question has always been there. But I knew I was always different. Now that I’m 20 and I’m more educated on OCD now I notice how I have always suffered from instructive thoughts just could never put a name to it. Thoughts like death, imagining scenarios and having to plan the resolution as if it will actually happen, existing ocd, all of the above. But now my SO ocd has affected every aspect of my life to where it hurts when I wakes up. And I truly question my sexuality despite loving my boyfriend of 4 years. My question is, anyone who has experienced this, how did you recover. From porn addiction and SOOCD. Does anyone have a similar experience? Please share. I feel really alone.
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