FOR ALL WITH SEXUAL OBSESSIONS: I’ve noticed that most of the people on here struggle with intrusive sexual thoughts that cause a lot of distress, in fact, more than I ever expected to see. I myself have a lot of experience in this area, as I’ve been a sex addict for almost 15 years (I’m 25 now). I’ve actually never had sex; I’m addicted to masturbation. I’m writing this post to get my experience out there and maybe provide some perspective for those who can relate. Now, the difference with me is that my sexual behavior is NOT actually caused by OCD. I am actually a chronic sex addict with a paraphilic disorder. My sexual fantasies are centered around control and domination of people I find attractive. I don’t fantasize about hurting anyone, but I still don’t like the fantasy because we as humans are not meant to be dominated. We were created as equals. Anyway, I’ve noticed that some of you think you have a sex/porn addiction because of obsessive sexual thoughts, even if you don’t act out on them. So I’m going to write down some of the major components of addiction that make my behaviors addictive as opposed to simply being caused by OCD or another disorder. If you are questioning whether or not you are a sex/porn addict, ask yourself the following questions: 1.) Do the fantasies prompt me to act out sexually (e.g. masturbate, call a hooker or prostitute, etc.) and do I gain pleasure/gratification from acting out? 2.) Do I feel intense shame and guilt after I act out, which prompts even more acting out to escape those negative emotions? 3.) In general, do I sexually act out to escape from reality and/or any negative emotions and distress I’m feeling? 4.) Do I continue to act out even though I and the people around me don’t want me to act out? Have I tried stopping before on multiple occasions without any success? 5.) Do I continue to act out in spite of SEVERE negative consequences? Examples of such consequences might be legal consequences, dropping out of school, losing a job, or destroying interpersonal relationships. For example, I have dropped out of grad school twice and got fired from my part time job due to inappropriate behavior and yet I’m still continuing to sexually act out. That’s how I know I’m a full blown addict and not just someone who struggles with sexual thoughts due to OCD. 6.) Did I experience any sort of trauma(s) as a child that could have shaped my present-day sexual behavior? Having experienced trauma as a child is a huge component for addiction. For example, I had a very rigid and overbearing stepmom for most of my childhood, which probably influenced my present day sexual fantasy about domination and control. If you can’t relate to at least 2 or 3 of these items, then you are probably NOT a sex/porn addict. I relate to ALL 6 of these criteria, personally. Now that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t seek help if you feel like your sexual behavior is out of control. Such thoughts/habits can always morph into addiction. So if you catch it early, do something about it then instead of later! I only wrote this post because I’m perceiving that a lot of people on here are very quick to label themselves as an addict, when really this type of addiction is very different than what someone with OCD sexual thoughts experiences. Like, OCD sexual thoughts usually cause distress ONLY. My sexual fantasies also bring me pleasure at the same time. That’s the main difference. I hope this helps. Let me know if you have anymore questions or want to talk.

I didn’t write this post to offend anyone. I wrote it because I feel like some of you are unnecessarily hard on yourselves by labeling yourself as an addict. Just because you have weird sexual thoughts that sometimes feels arousing doesn’t mean you are an addict. It just means you are having such thoughts that are caused by OCD and there’s NOTHING wrong with that. That’s all I’m saying here.

If you’re reading this post, be extra careful not to use the criteria provided as a compulsion! Many may use these points to now try to “figure out” whether or not they have ocd or a “real” sexual issue. And they’ll likely spend a lot of time ruminating on these points, mentally reviewing their past, doing further internet research, etc. These are compulsions and unhelpful. A better approach would be to review this once and be done! Any further questions you should turn to embracing the uncertainty: “maybe looking into this further will mean X, or maybe not. I don’t know and I don’t need to know with any more certainty than I got reading this through once.”

so if i can’t relate it means i’m not a sex addict. then what am i then

It’s relate a bit to the first one, a lot to second one (though I don’t act out more to escape it) and to the last one (but that trauma I think doesn’t phase me so much anymore). It’s just hard because I do get pleasure from the fantasies so I can’t completely say it’s OCD. My OCD has hijacked this and made me worry, but I can’t deny that I am brought pleasure by watching porn, ya know? :/

I worried about this a bit a while back, but I do not relate to any of the criteria you said, so I don’t think I’m a sex addict. Now I just have this thing where I used to enjoy sexual things, like enjoying NSFW fanfiction, but now thanks to my POCD if I ever think of anything sexual at all I feel disgusted because it’s like “oh yeah you like sexual things...with children”. Like NO!

I relate to 2 and 3. I was never taught how to truly love someone and I still don't really understand how it works because I haven't catched feelings with someone before. Preferably a girl my age. I am 19 years old and I've struggled with OCD since July 2020. My themes are real event OCD, perfectionism, harm, and on and off POCD. I say that because I'm not attracted to kids but my OCD likes to merge intrusive thoughts along with distortions of false memories to make it seem otherwise. So in my last year of middle school is when I first discovered porn, which is I guess you could say my true beginning with puberty and that side of the world. In high school, I was your typical hormonal teenager that acted on impulses at times. Ever since I was 15 I would flirt with girls a lot and on occasion sext with them. I never thought too hard about it but I had done that whenever they did it back and we're okay with it at the time. Also in middle school I had discovered my foot fetish, which is what I tried to use in combination of my flirting and sexting to girls. I had stopped doing this around the age of 16 and 17 and something about my realized it wasn't something I needed to do or was truly uncomfortable with doing I guess. I was never bothered about doing these things at the time but now I am. I'm constantly bothered that I've done it in the first place, bothered about the false memories of an age gap, bothered that I may have been taken advantage of, and bothered of the consequences at times. I was never aware of these things when I did it but now that I'm older, I am. The third point you made is what reasonated with me the most on the entire post. No matter what I think or feel, I use masturbation to try and get out of my feelings, out of my head, and out of reality in hopes to feel truly happy. If I knew of other ways to feel the happiest like I used to in the past, I don't think I would masturbate as much as I do now. I don't necessarily have people that always tell me to stop doing it because they either do it themselves or they don't know that I do it this much. I never used to worry about this at the time because it was something I enjoyed and didn't think was all that bad since I had gotten close with those girls at different points. Especially since they came into me first. Your 5th point I don't know if I relate to it or not. As a very young boy, I used to have a fear of girls altogether that subsided, I was bullied on occasion by others, including some friends, and I never really had a crush on a girl before. I never got feelings or chills down my spine seeing a pretty face or a nice smile. Sure I was friends with girls, but I never knew how to truly distinguish feelings for one or just seeing her as an amazing friend. After a while of worrying about a porn addiction on the rise, I decided to do myself a favor and install porn blockers. I've talked to some friends about it, they've gave me valid opinions. I've read articles, I've gotten research, I've gotten to understand how common something like this is. Still getting more results as I type this and see everyone else talk about their issues. Back to the topic of using masturbation to escape reality and negative feelings. I don't feel myself being turned on by porn sites, but more of softcore content that I can find on YouTube. While no site is perfect, I've found videos that were enough to do it for me. One sleepless night, I couldn't set my head straight. Usually masturbating is what helps me sleep at night when I can't because by then I'm too tired to do much, such as think, feel, or to do anything after. I watched videos on YouTube that were the usual validations for me. I felt I wasn't getting a kick out of the usual content I've seen over and over. I decided to look up girls my age at the time and things felt better. I was getting even more of a kick then I thought. But everything started to subside when I saw comments saying the opposite of what I was thinking of even wanted. They debated her age even though the video said she was 18. I went with the assumption because I felt watching someone my age doing something I find arousing would satisfy me that night. My main attraction falls with women my age and much older women. It's been that way since my high school days. I hate that the comments debated such things and it left me uncertain of everything that night. Then after exiting the video, I then tried to find another video. Unfortunately, it manages to get worse. I saw a playlist that contained exploiting themes with children (although the videos weren't anything sexual at all, just the titles/comments) I saw that and it added onto my disgust for that night and I clicked out of YouTube entirely. It still haunts me to this day. This isn't the only time I've seen horrible things on social media sites. On Instagram, I had accidentally spotted cartoon CP because I found what I thought to be a meme channel through my search feed of memes hosting comments. I had reported the post. Sick. On Twitter (something I'll never use ever again) I had seen accounts hosting beastiality (which I think people tagged the accounts to report the horror in the first place), and knowing Twitter that enables so many hazardous things, they didn't take it down even if it was reported. Another incident on Twitter was a video of a man being killed with the blast of a shotgun posted by someone who called everyone sensitive in the comments for not finding that funny I guess. I understand that these social handles can't be perfect and neither can we as humans, but this still bothers me to this very day when I don't want it to. I know I didn't like what I saw because I worry about it all the time, I don't seek content of such, and I don't make my own, download any of it, or share it to anyone. No one needs to see things that horrible. And I wish I hadn't. In comparison to all of the reasons you've listed, I don't think I am a sex addict. I will say that I've had earlier experiences that influenced my fetish. Most of the time my household would have family members walking around barefoot, the smell of feet would come up and I enjoyed it, and the tickling/massaging sensations of the sole of the foot is what I mainly remember in terms of childhood experience.