False attraction OCD. Urgent advise needed. (Fyi, Nobody knows I have OCD and I've never had therapy, the largest dialogue I've ever had about this is by having conversations on this chat board) I decided to leave my hometown for a bit because a couple of my relationships fell apart, leaving me feeling like I had no where I could turn to. The only place to escape was to go and stay with my mum. Unfortunately, I also have gronial response and fear of attraction OCD, and one person my OCD targets is my mum. I find it very difficult. My only symptoms are that I get anxiety and a gronial response if I'm hearing, seeing, or interacting with a subject that I fear it would be innapropriate to feel attracted to. Flair ups are the worst if I think they are doing something that could have some sexual connotations, i.e licking lips. So, I'm aware through hearing on this app - that allowing dark feelings and thoughts to come and go in triggering situations is actually really helpful for recovery. I.e The ERP technique. I'm trying this whilst I'm up here and I want to give an example of whats happening: I get triggered by my mum if she talks in a hush voice. She works on a mental health hotline and so for a few hours I can hear her talking in a sympathetic voice, and I guess to me that could have connotations of sexual undertones. Today I tried to sit in the other room and meditate whilst she was talking and i could hear it, letting the feelings come and go and not judging myself. I tolerated it for quite a while. But eventually I just feel discusted, I just want it to stop and i want to put my headphones on. I tried to feel nothing but love and acceptance for myself. But after a while I just want to cry or hit myself because I feel so horrible because of the gronial response it gives me. I keep thinking about the meditation I did today which told me that I should embrace triggering moments and let them in. I should be thankful of the opportunity to overcome them, and welcome it. But Im away in the country side, in lockdown with my mum, and im basically exposed to triggers here 24/7 - sometimes I just want to go into my room where I can't hear her, or put my headphones on. Is this really bad avoidance and going to make me worse? I came here to get over some other painful personal problems and now I'm having to do a self induced ERP on myself with no experience. Sometimes I just want to relax, but am I reinforcing avoidance and rituals if I try to get away from her sometimes when it gets too much? It honestly feels so horrible to have to keep exposing myself to this, especially because I came up here because I needed to get away from bad relationships in my home town. I don't feel like I'm asking for reassurance here, I genuinely need some advice regarding how I can be here and battle my OCD and also not feel horrible all the time? Its so hard to try and fight this looming depression and anxiety all by myself. Its so isolating. Basically, is it okay to try and leave a situation where I could possibly be doing some exposure? Thanks. Peace and love. And HOPE.