- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I have the same trouble distinguishing whether something deserves a reaction. I’m learning to identify the urgency to address whatever the issue is as a sign it is likely OCD. I am working on delaying my response. If it’s worth getting upset about then I can still bring it up later. Why be compelled to do it now. The urgency is my clue to sit with it. I fail sometimes for sure but I want to work on this.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you. That’s a very good idea. My struggle is mainly in the moment so I understand taking some time to think about it....but isn’t it okay to ask for clarification about something offbeat he says? Like, if I ask “what do you mean by that?” or “was that a joke?” I feel like that’s warranted? But if I continue to dig for answers and reassurance (ex. “do you PROMISE that was a joke?!” and “WHY would you say something like that?!”), is that when I need to take a break and sit with it? Sorry, just having trouble with this. If he says something that crosses the line, I want to address it right away, but I definitely want to understand when my OCD is taking over and I’m just panicking and seeking reassurance
- Date posted
- 4y
@rewilding I have exactly the same issue. I agrrr with sku99, when you feel urgency to react, just don't. If you feel like the joke overcame your boundaries (was sexist, insulting..) adress that
- Date posted
- 4y
@natalie123n Thank you very much. I think part of my problem is that I don’t even know where my boundaries lay. And everytime I get upset, I find myself wondering, if anyone else made this same joke or comment, would I get as upset? Or would I know they are just joking and brush it off? My anxiety has made him out to be this awful person and that’s why I get so scared and so flustered every time I’m triggered. It happened again tonight. This one definitely crossed a boundary and he apologized but I still find myself obsessing: “was he REALLY joking?” It’s just very exhausting and frustrating. And it’s frustrating for him too. We can never just have a normal conversation that doesn’t erupt into a long discussion about something he says. Thanks so much for the advice. It’s really nice to be able to chat with likeminded people and know I’m not alone
- Date posted
- 4y
Oh my goodness, I know what you mean! I completely relate to what you wrote above and in the comments section. I find myself asking very similar if not identical questions. I’m sorry about that. It’s such a struggle to understand if how we react is truly us and how we really feel. I question if I’m really just annoyed by my partner or if it’s my rocd that’s making me overly reactive. I remember my therapist told me that if you are doing something for the purpose of reducing anxiety or achieving some sort of certainty when doubt occurs, then that is when you are seeking reassurance. But I can understand the struggle and how confusing and unclear and convincing it is at times.
- Date posted
- 4y
And I too do have a problem to figure out if my reaction is appropriate. If you feel bad after reacting a lot, and ruminate about it, remind yourself that in your head the issue again seems much bigger
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
Sometimes I get really upset with my boyfriend and I can’t tell if I’m not having my needs met or if it’s my ROCD questioning things. I can’t express that I’m upset because he rlly doesn’t understand what is going on in my head and most times I bring it up it’s turned into an argument. It is really frustrating does anyone have any tips on deciphering this stuff or dealing with the upset feeling/ bad thoughts (IE: “He’s cheating on me and that’s why he’s not texting.”) (IE: “He’s talking like this because he just doesn’t love me, and he’s not attracted to me. He clearly wants to leave me but doesn’t have the heart to do it yet”)
- Date posted
- 15w
Does anyone have any advice for how to know the difference between ocd and real feelings/thoughts? Sometimes an intrusive thought will come in and I immediately know it’s ridiculous and I can just leave it alone and it won’t bother me but other times I really really don’t know. It’s when ocd hijacks and twists my real feelings and thoughts and tries to manipulate me into believing they’re something they’re not or something that doesn’t align with my true morals or intentions. But since it’s twisting and mixing with real feelings I get so confused and scared. Everything gets jumbled and I feel like I can’t trust myself or my own mind. Yet other times and other topics I can laugh off and push away just fine. Make it make sense. And then I start to think well maybe I don’t have ocd at all and I’m just in denial because I don’t want to accept that these scary/concerning things are true about myself. Or maybe that’s just the ocd talking.
- Date posted
- 10w
First off - I’m sorry, I post here a lot. My thoughts are going to be scattered because I have the adhd/ocd/executive dysfunction wombo combo. Im so embarrassed I am THIS neurodivergent. I swear my brain couldn’t pick one struggle and settle with it. I’m not making these diagnoses quirky personality traits by any means, in fact, in this post im venting about how exhausting and embarassed I am living with a brain like this on the daily. I need to hear someone’s advice please. I love hearing everyone’s advice on posts because it’s so useful, and brings me back down to reality. Everyone on here gives advice so tastefully in a way where it doesn’t feed into the self reassurance compulsion, but it’s also been thorough and constructive enough where it’s reminded me to ground myself in a healthy way. I love seeing others helping others, it soothes me. This community has been so kind, and I’m so happy I found it. I wish I could ask more, but I have so many questions I think it’d drive everyone here crazy lol. I am doing erp therapy now, and it’s been teaching me so many amazing techniques. I’ve been making progress. However, I sometimes have my moments of vunerablity. I’ve been experiencing this especially now more than ever because I am going through a breakup. He did it through text after nearly 9 months together. I’d do anything for him and love him through anything, and he broke my heart when I least expected it. I’d make his bed for him multiple times, but I haven’t done that for myself in years. I’d sit with him for hours to watch and do anything he likes, but he’d never do the same and I’d never do the same for me. I’m also at fault because I was too scared to speak up so I let a lot of disrespect slide. Why did my ocd do that? Why does ocd make me people please even when I don’t want to? Why does OCD make me care so much about things that will never effect me (like wanting validation from a random person on the street and hoping they’ll think I’m pretty enough to look at), but then when it comes to my future or positive wellbeing (like focusing on college/doing well in classes/personal hygiene/health), forces me to not care/neglect myself and those needs? I don’t understand it. Ocd makes me think everything’s a setup or a trap. I can never believe that I am fine right where I want to be. Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I even think this much? I care and feel so deeply but it becomes unhealthy so fast because ocd makes me fixate and I stay there for a while. For some reason I let this breakup define my self worth. I let it topple into the ocd fear that I will never make it in life - that I won’t be successful, I’ll never get the career I want, the love I want, or the life I want. My OCD’s version of “logic” isn’t even logical. Yes, I understand how the breakup means feelings of low self worth which will then topple into feeling bad about other things. But why has my brain been wired to think this way? Why does it seem so easy for everyone else to function normally with life but not me? Honestly this is the first time in my life where I’m dedicated to focusing on myself and learning more about myself instead of others in my life and it’s a very odd and bizarre feeling. I’m excited of course, but I’m also scared. My ocd makes me ruminate like “what if I will never make the most of this life I’ve been given”, “what if I truly have no worth and the most I will ever be in other people’s lives is a background character”, “why do I care if I’m a background character or not? I should feel guilty and ignorant for assuming everyone will automatically like me”, “are people lying to me when they call me pretty, smart or kind?”, “I need to look and sound perfect in both pictures, videos and in real life. I will never be satisfied for accepting who I am now”, and a bunch of other annoying questions. But sometimes it’s like I just can’t take the reality for what it is but at the same time, but I also acknowledge that I know this is ocd talking. This is so, so difficult. Do I make any sense with what I’m saying? Can anyone help?
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