- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I have the same trouble distinguishing whether something deserves a reaction. I’m learning to identify the urgency to address whatever the issue is as a sign it is likely OCD. I am working on delaying my response. If it’s worth getting upset about then I can still bring it up later. Why be compelled to do it now. The urgency is my clue to sit with it. I fail sometimes for sure but I want to work on this.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you. That’s a very good idea. My struggle is mainly in the moment so I understand taking some time to think about it....but isn’t it okay to ask for clarification about something offbeat he says? Like, if I ask “what do you mean by that?” or “was that a joke?” I feel like that’s warranted? But if I continue to dig for answers and reassurance (ex. “do you PROMISE that was a joke?!” and “WHY would you say something like that?!”), is that when I need to take a break and sit with it? Sorry, just having trouble with this. If he says something that crosses the line, I want to address it right away, but I definitely want to understand when my OCD is taking over and I’m just panicking and seeking reassurance
- Date posted
- 4y
@rewilding I have exactly the same issue. I agrrr with sku99, when you feel urgency to react, just don't. If you feel like the joke overcame your boundaries (was sexist, insulting..) adress that
- Date posted
- 4y
@natalie123n Thank you very much. I think part of my problem is that I don’t even know where my boundaries lay. And everytime I get upset, I find myself wondering, if anyone else made this same joke or comment, would I get as upset? Or would I know they are just joking and brush it off? My anxiety has made him out to be this awful person and that’s why I get so scared and so flustered every time I’m triggered. It happened again tonight. This one definitely crossed a boundary and he apologized but I still find myself obsessing: “was he REALLY joking?” It’s just very exhausting and frustrating. And it’s frustrating for him too. We can never just have a normal conversation that doesn’t erupt into a long discussion about something he says. Thanks so much for the advice. It’s really nice to be able to chat with likeminded people and know I’m not alone
- Date posted
- 4y
Oh my goodness, I know what you mean! I completely relate to what you wrote above and in the comments section. I find myself asking very similar if not identical questions. I’m sorry about that. It’s such a struggle to understand if how we react is truly us and how we really feel. I question if I’m really just annoyed by my partner or if it’s my rocd that’s making me overly reactive. I remember my therapist told me that if you are doing something for the purpose of reducing anxiety or achieving some sort of certainty when doubt occurs, then that is when you are seeking reassurance. But I can understand the struggle and how confusing and unclear and convincing it is at times.
- Date posted
- 4y
And I too do have a problem to figure out if my reaction is appropriate. If you feel bad after reacting a lot, and ruminate about it, remind yourself that in your head the issue again seems much bigger
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Sometimes I get really upset with my boyfriend and I can’t tell if I’m not having my needs met or if it’s my ROCD questioning things. I can’t express that I’m upset because he rlly doesn’t understand what is going on in my head and most times I bring it up it’s turned into an argument. It is really frustrating does anyone have any tips on deciphering this stuff or dealing with the upset feeling/ bad thoughts (IE: “He’s cheating on me and that’s why he’s not texting.”) (IE: “He’s talking like this because he just doesn’t love me, and he’s not attracted to me. He clearly wants to leave me but doesn’t have the heart to do it yet”)
- Date posted
- 13w
Does anyone have any advice for how to know the difference between ocd and real feelings/thoughts? Sometimes an intrusive thought will come in and I immediately know it’s ridiculous and I can just leave it alone and it won’t bother me but other times I really really don’t know. It’s when ocd hijacks and twists my real feelings and thoughts and tries to manipulate me into believing they’re something they’re not or something that doesn’t align with my true morals or intentions. But since it’s twisting and mixing with real feelings I get so confused and scared. Everything gets jumbled and I feel like I can’t trust myself or my own mind. Yet other times and other topics I can laugh off and push away just fine. Make it make sense. And then I start to think well maybe I don’t have ocd at all and I’m just in denial because I don’t want to accept that these scary/concerning things are true about myself. Or maybe that’s just the ocd talking.
- Date posted
- 9w
I cannot tell if this is OCD assigning meaning where there is none, or if it is something else entirely. I have ADHD, and I tend to hyperfixate on people, specifically men I find interesting. It feels like a crush. Maybe it is a crush. I do not know. It does not matter. I daydream a lot. I have posted about this before, and the responses were helpful, but right now I am spiraling again. Lately, what I think is a dopamine-driven hyperfixation has latched onto my supervisor at work. I actively stop myself from ruminating too much about what it could mean. I remind myself they are just thoughts. I love my boyfriend and I am committed to him. But I have noticed that I sometimes *hope* something goes wrong with an order, just so I have a reason to talk to my supervisor, even if the interaction is only a few sentences. I do not even smile at him because I am so afraid of being disloyal or disrespectful to my boyfriend. The other day, my voice sounded nice, and I got scared that I did that on *purpose* because I was talking to my supervisor. I know how to make my voice sound smoother, and I worried that I subconsciously did it for him. I know people do that kind of thing to seem pleasant in general, but it feels wrong when it is tied to one specific person. There was another moment where I had to bend slightly, and I knew he was behind me, though I didn’t know he would walk in my direction. It turned into a kind of awkward traffic situation, and I started wondering if I *hoped* for that. I even caught myself thinking about whether he finds me attractive. I know that these thoughts might be in the normal range, but the fact that I think about him so much, daydreaming, hoping for interactions, mentally replaying things, feeling excitement, makes me feel incredibly guilty. Is that disrespectful to my boyfriend? I don’t think I’m flirting. But I feel like even hoping/looking for interactions or tweaking my voice counts as some kind of betrayal. I just don’t know. To me, it sounds like a mix of ADHD and OCD, It really does feel like chaos inside my head. I want to be honest with my boyfriend, but I know talking about this stuff makes his jealousy flare up, and understandably so I’m a jealous person myself. But if I don’t confess, it feels like I am hiding something and it feels *extra* disloyal. I know that daydreaming and a bit of excitement are normal, especially with ADHD and dopamine-seeking, but when I go out of my way for a few-sentence interaction, or crave eye contact, is that disloyal? I am not asking for reassurance. I genuinely want to understand if this is normal or if it crosses a line. I am scared that I am just making excuses for bad behavior. I am scared that this is not okay and I am doing it anyway. I wish I could ask my therapist about this, but I had to stop going recently. She always understood how my brain works, especially the difference between reassurance-seeking and genuinely wanting clarity. She was really good at helping me figure out whether something was common or explainable. It helped so much to just know if something was normal, even if knowing did not stop the rumination. That’s kind of what I am looking for now, just someone to tell me if this pattern makes sense or if it crosses a line. Please help :(
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