Hey everyone, my ex girlfriend broke up with me in October. She told me she wasn’t ready for a relationship with me as she hadn’t healed from her previous relationship even though she left her ex boyfriend for me. I met her in College two years ago and we became really good friends. I was single at the time and she was in a long term relationship so there was always boundaries there I suppose. However, early last year she confessed she had strong feelings for me whilst still in a relationship. Tbh, I was quite in shock. I always felt she had feelings for me but never thought she’d confess whilst being in a relationship. Therefore, I rejected her and explained why because I had a feeling this would eventually happen as it wasn’t straightforward and all seemed quite rushed on her end but because I loved her so much, I foolishly went along with it. Looking back now with my OCD being less severe, I can think more clearly about how naive I was at the time and why did I tolerate so much bull shit? I have so much anger built up inside about all the red flags and why I didn’t put my foot down sooner. She used to tell me about other guys such as a guy in work who sent her nudes. I told her to block him and I’m not even sure if she did because I see she follows him on Instagram now. Then her male friend who was flirting with her and texting her who she told me not to worry about even though this is the guy she’s now dating which I will discuss below. She told me when we broke up she needs to be alone for a long time anyways. I contacted her last month to see how she was keeping and she told me she has been dating this guy since 3 weeks after we broke up. I found out that for myself she just denied it even when I proved it with evidence. I was fuming and we had a huge fight. I text her a few days after we broke up because I was genuinely suicidal and asked her to meet up to find some closer yet she went drinking in a park with him and some of her other friends and bare in mind, she never broke up with me in person. She broke up with me over text message and I never seen her in person since we broke up. I just can’t believe after everything I sacrificed, how much love and time I gave her how she could do this to me and pretend it’s not a problem?? I hate how blinded I was by her when she literally begged for me to be with her last year. She even used to slag the new guy off to me saying he’s ugly and just a friend yet told me last month she has more feelings for him instead the same thing she told me about having more feelings for me over her other ex. I’m furious about how deceitful, manipulative and easy she has become. I have lost all respect for her. I’m not perfect by no means but I’m such a loyal person. She knew how bad my OCD was and how much of an effort I was making in terms of my relationship because anytime I was with her my OCD was very manageable, it was only bad when I used to be at home thinking about it. One month before we broke up, we were planning our future. How many kids we want. Where we want to live. Where we want to travel etc. She even told me I’m the love of her life and she wants me forever. I just feel so betrayed and taken advantage of. I feel like a fool 😔😔

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

Ok first of all you don't have anything to feel bad about! You did nothing wrong. I think you should be proud of yourself that you opened up to someone and that you cared for someone so much. It sounds like she is a very confused person and is not ready to be in a serious relationship with anyone. Everyone even without OCD takes alot of garbage from people because they care or want to make it work out. Take the learning lessons from this situation and now you know what red flags to look for in the future. We all take some behavior that we shouldn't from others. But now you know what boundaries you need to have from now on. I think the OCD is adding insult to injury and trying to make you feel awful when you were just doing the best you could do in this very difficult situation. Try to be kind to yourself, you are learning alot right now and going through alot of pain.

anonymous0

Date posted: 4y

Thank you so much you don’t know how much I appreciate it because I can’t really open up about the situation to family and friends because they all hate her and don’t want to hear about her. Although I did nothing wrong in which you say, I always feel like I’m to blame for not doing things differently. I always wonder if we didn’t rush things would be in this situation? I always wonder if I stepped in and told her friend to back off would we be still together and I kind of wish it was me who broke up with her because I wouldn’t feel so taken advantaged of if that makes sense? She literally went from being my favourite person in the world to my enemy that’s what I’ve been finding hard to accept. I know for a fact I could of never moving on so quickly the way she did or mislead me the way she did. It’s just not in my nature I would feel physically sick doing that to someone I love or in her case I don’t think she ever really did love me the way she said she did.

anonymous0

Date posted: 4y

Like it was such a big risk to take because we were best friends before this so I essentially lost a best friend and a girlfriend?

BF109G-6

Date posted: 4y

I had a similar experience. My ex was very toxic when I look back on it. She texted me early this year and I just ignored her and gladly haven't heard from her since. I know how you feel, and I'm sorry. What I did for closure was I ended up slowly getting rid of things like the paper she gave me with her number on it by burning them. Eventually when everything was gone I wrote a big note about all the things she did to me and her lies. I burned that too and forgave her. I never thought I could forgive her but I did and in the end felt better. You could maybe try the same.

anonymous0

Date posted: 4y

Thank you. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive her because she portrays she’s not the type of person she actually is and that just irritates me to the core. I know if I done what she done to me, her reaction would even be 10x worse she would probably kill me yeno.

BF109G-6

Date posted: 4y

I know what you mean. You'll find a better girl eventually man. It may take time but you'll be happy in the end

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