Hi everyone, A quick introduction I’ve had ocd for many years I’m 41 I did not get diagnosed until I was 30 and I went through an extremely bad patch. I had cbt and am on medication still. I had a relatively good 10 years where i could carry on my life I look back now and think there are certain things I never dealt with as I was too ashamed all I told my therapist was I get intrusive thoughts around knives just telling her that I felt scared when I know now I should of told her everything. So they revolve around harm to others this can be anyone Fear of certain things news, horror, etc. But the one thought that I always pushed to the back of my mind is relationship ocd. I have been with my partner for 17 years he has been extremely supportive throughout my life but the ocd revolves around me questioning if he’s cheated about four years ago I was at a wedding with him and someone came up to me and said I don’t know if this is true but I’ve heard (your partner ) has a child with someone else and a partner and he loves you both well as you can imagine this was an absolute shock I rang this person when I got home and I said so where is this lady and child and all she said was oh birmingham or Bristol not quite sure it could be a rumour. Anyway it nearly split us up and fast forward last 4 years nothing has ever come of it but i have not done well constantly asking for reassurance being horrible to him the intimacy side has been non existent we both work very hard I have my own business and he works 2 jobs so is away at weekends which feeds the anxiety I’ve realised I’ve got into a pattern for the last year or so for asking for reassurance without realising he cares for me and looks after me but I still have a niggle in my mind and always have a dig at him. I’m exhausted from it all and at Christmas I went to moms for a few weeks as I was so unwell with ocd I’m waiting treatment and I’m working on not asking for reassurance. I want to stay with him but something needs to change. I have thoughts of harm around him I tell him everything and he just makes a joke about it which we laugh at. I google cheat quiz how often you should have sex everything. I’m just at a loss. He works long days 14 - 15 hours I do to but have had to cut down as I couldn’t carry on like that so we have no time for each other since I’ve been ill he’s been getting home earlier and making sure I’ve eaten and took medication. There’s also been a lot of illness around me lately people I know through work and I think it over in my mind. Sorry for such a long post just needed to get it out there.

Hi I'm new to all of this so I hope I'm doing this right. 5 years ago my 34 year marriage ended. My ex husband was a mentally and financially abusive, covert narcissist. All that is behind me now and I'm finally remembering who I am again. I'm in a relationship with a really great guy but the problem I'm having is relationship OCD. This has taken me by surprise really as I've had OCD from a very young age but never has it been about my relationship. I constantly check messages and go over and over conversations and convince myself my partner will eventually cheat. Almost every single person in his life I can feel threatened by and I hate this for him and also for me as I don't have any peace of mind. This is ruining the lovely relationship I know I could have so I really need to get a handle on it. Has anybody else experienced this and managed to control it?

I’m just realizing I have OCD. I have been diagnosed with adhd, autism and CPTSD but OCD never occurred to me until recently. My OCD manifests internally (pure O) then I seek reassurance for whatever topic I’m fixating on so of course I chalked it up to anxiety but it’s so much more than that. And I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember. Now it’s really messing with my life. Lately, it’s been ROCD that’s been ruining me. I had a couple deep wounds created by my husband a few years ago and I’m constantly fixating on if he’s lying, really loves me, and or he wants to leave me. I’m constantly asking for reassurance and I think he’s getting tired of it. He’s an otherwise great partner but the OCD has really kicked in after I found out he was hiding a porn addiction, he hid it twice and it really ruined my self esteem and trust in him. Now I get triggered by every pretty girl I see, every social media post about relationships, I fixate on how unattractive he might find me or what’s wrong with me. I’m also aging in my thirties so I obsess over if he is getting less attracted as I age . I feel pathetic. Of course he always tells me I’m beautiful and he loves me but I’m always suspicious that he’s not being honest. I’ve always had OCD but this is the worst I’ve been with my relationship. I’m melting down and doubting us often and especially at night. It’s been a few years now and I feel like it’s gotten so hard. When I was younger it was health OCD, then it was existential, and I definitely fixate on if I’m “good” morally too. I’ll confess and overshare to people all my mistakes. And on top of the ROCD, I have pure OCD and get the worst images and intrusive thoughts at work/ random places and it’s horrible because I work with vulnerable people. My biggest nightmare and fear is pedophilia or assault, and I care deeply about my kids and vulnerable people so it’s like my mind hates me and these horrible images and thoughts fly at me l. I would never ever harm my kids or vulnerable people so this is especially disturbing and mortifying. I learned that OCD is ego dystonic and that’s helped but the images still make me feel awful. I also have been the scapegoat and black sheep in my narcissistic abusive family so I will my OCD will fixate on if I AM the narcissist! It’s exhausting. It got worse after I encountered my abuser in my family earlier this year and he brought up a lot of trauma. He is actually a narcissist but my brain will try to convince me that I am, and I will give in to the compulsion then do quizzes and tests and of course they tell me I’m not a narcissist, but then my OCD will make me think I am. I’m very empathetic and terrified of hurting people yet my brain tries to convince me I’m horrible, then the reassurance seeking and anxiety that manifests from my OCD and trauma makes me feel so self absorbed and sick of myself, convincing me I’m narcissistic for thinking of myself so much. I’m so exhausted by this. My brain tortures me. The overthinking is hard to combat. I really try hard to accept these thoughts as just thoughts but there’s always that voice creeping in that maybe the intrusive thoughts are right. Maybe I’m terrible and unlovable. I hate it.

I’ve been really struggling with OCD within my relationship. We’ve been dating for almost 2 years and things were going really good but we just moved in together and it seems to be making it worse. We have both made mistakes in the relationship that I’ve mostly been able to work past but this last month my partner had gambled away a majority of our money. He’s offered to go to counseling and get help but I’m finding it so hard to trust him and to move on. I constantly find myself trying to look at his phone or ask questions. I get panicked when he goes to the bathroom bc I’m convinced he’s lying to me. I feel like I’m in a constant state of fight or flight. I just don’t know whats real, when we argue i convince myself he’s being evil or abusive (im a dv survivor) I don’t know if I should just leave him for the sake of my mental health or stay and hope it gets better and he proves himself. I’d never want someone to turn there back on me when I’m struggling so I’m lost between this moral ground of guilt and taking care of myself. Any advice?