Hi everyone, A quick introduction I’ve had ocd for many years I’m 41 I did not get diagnosed until I was 30 and I went through an extremely bad patch. I had cbt and am on medication still. I had a relatively good 10 years where i could carry on my life I look back now and think there are certain things I never dealt with as I was too ashamed all I told my therapist was I get intrusive thoughts around knives just telling her that I felt scared when I know now I should of told her everything. So they revolve around harm to others this can be anyone Fear of certain things news, horror, etc. But the one thought that I always pushed to the back of my mind is relationship ocd. I have been with my partner for 17 years he has been extremely supportive throughout my life but the ocd revolves around me questioning if he’s cheated about four years ago I was at a wedding with him and someone came up to me and said I don’t know if this is true but I’ve heard (your partner ) has a child with someone else and a partner and he loves you both well as you can imagine this was an absolute shock I rang this person when I got home and I said so where is this lady and child and all she said was oh birmingham or Bristol not quite sure it could be a rumour. Anyway it nearly split us up and fast forward last 4 years nothing has ever come of it but i have not done well constantly asking for reassurance being horrible to him the intimacy side has been non existent we both work very hard I have my own business and he works 2 jobs so is away at weekends which feeds the anxiety I’ve realised I’ve got into a pattern for the last year or so for asking for reassurance without realising he cares for me and looks after me but I still have a niggle in my mind and always have a dig at him. I’m exhausted from it all and at Christmas I went to moms for a few weeks as I was so unwell with ocd I’m waiting treatment and I’m working on not asking for reassurance. I want to stay with him but something needs to change. I have thoughts of harm around him I tell him everything and he just makes a joke about it which we laugh at. I google cheat quiz how often you should have sex everything. I’m just at a loss. He works long days 14 - 15 hours I do to but have had to cut down as I couldn’t carry on like that so we have no time for each other since I’ve been ill he’s been getting home earlier and making sure I’ve eaten and took medication. There’s also been a lot of illness around me lately people I know through work and I think it over in my mind. Sorry for such a long post just needed to get it out there.