Ok so now I’m thinking I should really get better cuz I’m honestly seeing more potential at the gym and I’d rather be ok and be able to act on my positive thoughts when I see an attractive women. I guess I’m just depressed cuz and don’t feel like being better cuz I think I’ll never meet someone but now I’m like in the chance that I do I want to be out of my head so that I can ask a girl out and see where it goes and be ready for anything thrown my way in life. I don’t need to have a job but it would be nice to have one. I don’t need friends but it would be cool to have some. I don’t need to have conversations with strangers but it would be cool to feel normal when I do have conversations. It would actually be really fucking awesome if I had my own car again and to have my own place just to bring a women back where it be for one night or for multiple nights if it turns out that way. I want to be able to think straight than to be nervous all the time and think I might mess up something and revert back to my ocd. One step at a time now. Need to figure out a plan to handle my soocd better and the thoughts that stop me from having an erection when I see a pretty girl. Let’s go.

Sometimes I can’t help watching porn 🤷🏻‍♂️😂😂 I can see the thoughts pop up but after a little while I’m like huh.. so this is ocd.. same words popping up over and over again so it’s fine but I just don’t know why I have an arousal feeling still in my body. Like when I do get thoughts of having sex with women I can get an erection but can still tell it’s not relieving that much anxiety in my body. Usually when my anxiety is completely gone my balls come closer to my groin and that’s when I know I’m out of my head. Haven’t felt that feeling for awhile. Last time I felt that I was getting an erection for a coworker chick at this one job that lasted for like 2 weeks and I was like my anxiety is being relieved and my dick was coming out and I was like let’s go but then had I let it get erected fully as soon as my coworker would’ve turned around on her chair all she would’ve saw was my dick and so I was trying to just calm myself down and then I can feel my balls dropping back down and could tell I was getting back in my head again smh. After that I felt like my ocd came back kind of hard cuz I was staring to feel more anxiety around my women coworkers and started to see the stupid thoughts more again but I have respect for women and wasn’t just going to let my dick out just cuz I was having a lot of sexual thoughts popping up in my head for the coworker haha.

@OCDhurts Research the side effects of porn and look up no fap. Plus thats alot of checking and reassuring by seeing groinal repsonses. Also when i have anxiety and like severe anxiety, my balls feels like it's shrinking 🤣🤣 and uncomfortable sensations

@OCD-PROOF Yeah I get that too I can feel my balls shrinking and coming back in but then I’m just shaking like a motherfucker like my mind isn’t used to being normal and just shakes like morherfucker cuz it feels more comfortable being in my head instead of being normal. Like I feel like when this happening I need some coaching cuz the anxiety is just way to much and even having a shot cant stop it so it’s like well don’t know what to do. Like it’s hard to even do imaginary erp to where I picture myself being at a place and seeing what thoughts may pop up because it’s just black so that’s even tough to. Couple years ago when I could do this I would always get positive thoughts popping in my head of me being able to see everything from my surroundings and being able to say what’s up to my brothers like normal and not feeling weird being able to dap them up and yeah. Now my imaginary erp is just cloudy or black and can’t do an imaginary erp.