My daughter has HOCD and she told me today she does compulsions in her head to prove she is straight and not gay . Is this normal With HOCD

The first time around, yes! The second time it got really bad (now) I had little access to therapy and was a newlywed who just graduated college, living alone in a new state for the first time. So major, stressful life events play a HUGE role

She’ll be okay! You’re doing a good job! I am still a high functioning adult with a job and had no problems keeping my gpa up in college. She’s going to be okay, it’s just going to be hard at first

I didn’t. And I had it pretty bad! Eventually, she’ll come to a point where she has to keep living. That’s what happened with me. I would still be anxious, but I went to dances, went on dates, sleepovers, I had those experiences even with OCd

I went to a top-ranked BIG 10 school and I’m applying to medical school at the moment

Thank you! She’ll be fine, especially with what you’re doing!

Then she’s already got a great foundation to do well!

Yeah! It was uncomfortable and weird too, because before HOCD I never looked at girls in gym, etc. then ocd happened and I freaked out

@wellwellwell But what did you feel when you looked at them... were you like “oh I wonder if she is pretty” and then you would immediately have an intrusive thought after checking them out ?

It was just really bad anxiety when I was around them

@wellwellwell And she basically knew it was my anxiety

I didn’t! I’m sure some things do help! Mine just got to be so bad that medication seemed to be the best resort to get me back to my life. And you’re not bothering me at all!

Yeah I mean I don’t know about the want to be gay part, but pretty girls did give me anxiety

I mean I think it’s been going on long enough that I have no idea. At the beginning I knew it was ocd, but the longer it goes on, yes I started to feel even weirder and scared it wasn’t ocd after all. And yeah the urges to kiss or whatever happen to a lot of people w HOCD, as you’ll see on this app

She will too, just make sure she keeps going and seeing girls - even if it scares her

@wellwellwell Yes I will make sure.

Yeah I understand! It is really difficult at times

I think I just thought back to before ocd. I would also think about in college (which won’t work for your child) when I was drunk and at a party, who did I want to make out with? Boys.

Basically the same thing, but it was harder bc I hadn’t yet had those experiences. It took me being intimate with the first boy I really liked to realize I did like men. But I had a huge history of crushes, like your daughter, and knowing that helped too

@wellwellwell Yes funny thing if I ask her about her past crush from like 6 months ago - she still gets shy about it... but she is like that doesn’t count. Like why the hell not ? A part of me wants to start meeting my friends again who have sons because then she will see reality. It’s like she has been cooped up for 10 months now inside the house . No interactions with the opposite sex only her girlfriends. That’s why I feel Covid is a big big factor for her which is not helping at all.

@rachel1219 Yeah, I mean it would be hard bc I would have these scary thoughts but at the same time like a boy a lot. So it was like “well which side is right??” And I had my first kiss and it wasn’t mind blowing, so I freaked out more

Yeah I have no idea. The weird thing is I absolutely wanted to kiss this guy but when it happened it just kind of sucked which scared me. I do the same rituals and fry so hard to make sure I’m not gay and prove I’m straight, as a lot of people on here do, so it is like HOCD

I asked her to do therapy and she says she just wants me to help her. She says she loses her mind when I try to reassure her

@rachel1219 don’t reassure her it’ll only make it worse. you have to be accepting and just teach her to accept the uncertainty and that it’s okay no matter what she is. you have to learn w her and teach her to just sit with the thoughts and anxiety and let it pass. it’s hard but worth it. tell her maybe you are or maybe you aren’t but that it’s not that important and you aren’t going to figure it out right now

Totally. Covid I think is partially why mine came back so badly. She is going to be okay, seriously. It’s tough and it can be lonely, but my family helped so much and so did my now husband.

Yeah I mean I went through basically the same things, this really does sound like textbook HOCD

Fluoxetine. It did not drastically change my personality or make me feel lethargic. It’s helpful, but my ocd is still present

I think try and get her a therapist and go from there! But that’s just my two cents!