Could anyone help me out? I’m feeling super discouraged right now and could use some encouraging words. My compulsions are extremely hard to resist because OCD tells me it’s 100% logical to do them and my obsessions are 100% true. I’m resisting as much as I can, but I feel horrible when I don’t do what I think is the right thing to do (I have moral OCD and obeying my parents is super important to me). From resisting these things I end up feeling horrible all day. Due to physical health issues at first and now OCD, I haven’t been able to live a normal life in 2.5 years. I don’t know for sure if I’m depressed, but due to being unable to live my amazing life for so long and watching my peers pass me by, I get really sad really easily. OCD makes me unable to enjoy anything and the mental torment and guilt and panic is SO bad! You know how it is. 😭 Due to all of this AND the discomfort of resisting compulsions, most days I end up feeling really terrible. At the end of the day I feel like crying because I could barely enjoy anything, and I dread waking up the next day. Sometimes I do see progress and I enjoy life more, but it’s not consistent, and right now I’m going through a backdoor spike. 😔 I don’t want to have a victim mentality. I WILL fight to get my life back. But it’s so hard to resist compulsions and aim to get better when my brain is screaming at me “NO! YOU HAVE TO DO THIS, IT’S THE RIGHT THING TO DO AND YOU’RE NOT *SUPPOSED* TO DO ERP FOR THIS! It’s right to be concerned about this!” I really could use some general encouragement if anybody has any! Any general encouragement on resisting compulsions? Or when it’s going to get better? I’m just so discouraged. I know I can’t get better until I do ERP, but my logic says not to do ERP, and I feel trapped!

This is gonna be a long one: So a little over a month and a half ago, my OCD started to spiral again. I’ve had ups and downs with it in the past, my main themes often changing. When I was younger it as afraid I’d run away, in middle school it was germs. But as I got older I started having intrusive thoughts of the meaning of life, suicide, and dying, with those fears being my common themes now I’ve gotten a lot better since it started back up, but lately have been panicking because I’ve had intrusive thoughts that my methods of trying to heal are wrong. I’m 21, and for the last 3 years have lacked ambition and haven’t pursued my dreams or things I want to do. I just sleep, work, eat junk food, and play games or watch YouTube on my time off. Things I still love, but after years of living this way, I’ve hit a breaking point and want to start doing more with my life and the people in it Yet, almost EVERY new thing I’ve been trying to do or start, I’ve been having thoughts that they’re wrong or won’t help. Here’s some examples: I’ve started trying to eat a bit healthier, and my brain is telling me it’s not gonna fix me and I’m just avoiding food I like (junk I know makes me tired and sad). Then the moment I indulge in even one unhealthy food item, it tells me I’m failing at taking better care of myself and that junk food just numbs the feelings Same with video games. I tell myself it’s okay to play them as long as it’s not to avoid anything or they don’t take up my life like they have been. The second I do I feel guilty, say it’s cheap dopamine and hindering me from being productive and that I’m numbing my feelings again Same story for everything. Trying to walk and go outside more. Head tells me I’m avoiding being home because it makes me anxious. Then when I stay home it tells me I’m wasting time I could be spending outside or with people I love I’ll wanna spend time with my family or friends because I’ve been a hermit for years and miss spending time with them. When I try to, head tells me I can’t because then I’m avoiding the issues I have and seeking reassurance, and that I need to learn to tolerate this alone. But then when I stay home too long, I get anxious and sad because it does make me happy being around them even if I’m not seeking reassurance, and they genuinely do help me feel better (for example I saw my grandparents last night and talked about my feelings and desire to actually go out and live life, and they helped me understand uncertainty is part of life and I should do things I want anyways and even helped come up with things I may like to try doing. Now my brain tells me it’s bad to get help or open up about my pain) I’ll have racing thoughts in my head and I’ll be arguing with myself over rather it’s better to face them head on, ignore them, or let them run their course. It feels like no matter what I do, I’m feeling guilty and shame for it. As if any attempt at feeling pleasure or doing something that makes me happy is “avoiding the problem”, like I HAVE to focus on my intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and sadness 24/7 otherwise I’m “avoiding/burying it again” I know not to avoid these things and it’s best to confront them (if they’re real problems I have like relationship issues and insecurities and loneliness) and learn to tolerate the anxiety and uncertainty of life and OCD, but my attempts at “helping myself” are quite literally what I feel is currently keeping me so miserable. They’re sucking whatever joy I have in life out, telling me it’s bad, and that I have to feel this way all the time so I can “learn to tolerate it” I’m just so scared of doing all of this wrong, and I think my OCD I knows that and is currently using that to toy with me. I want to be healthier and happier, but then I feel guilt and fear for not being healthy 24/7 and indulging in not healthy things like video games and the occasional junk food. Anybody else ever felt this way?

Hey everyone it’s been a while since I posted on here. Honestly, I try to stay off of this app unless I really need advice because I find it triggering at times. But right now I’m feeling pretty down and just would like some hopeful and helpful advice. Has anyone ever felt like they’re just not capable of getting out of this? Has anyone ever felt like ERP therapy isn’t working or that they just can’t get it’s a click? . I’ve been in ERP therapy for over a year just about a year and a half actually and I literally feel so stagnant and stuck still. I show up every week I do my exposures, but my body is in such a chronic fight or fight all the time that it feels almost impossible to apply the tools. I’m super sensitive to begin with and I feel things very deeply and because of that it feels like I’m not gonna be able to ever change. It feels like no matter what I do or experience I’m just gonna always feel it so deeply and it’s gonna just rattle me all of the time. I’m honestly so frustrated. I’m tired and I’m overwhelmed. I so badly wanna change these patterns that I have and grow and be out of this OCD spiral, but everything just feels impossible. I’m just wondering if I’m alone here?? Has anyone ever felt this way? Has ERP taken a long time for anyone else or am I the only one that just can’t get my brain to click with it? Any encouraging and helpful words would be greatly appreciated thank you 🙏

I always worry that my OCD is treatment resistant? No matter how much ERP Ive been doing for the past decade or so, I somehow am met with my themes again, sometimes coming back tenfold. Maybe I’m doing ERP wrong. Maybe I have something worse than OCD. I just have so many obsessions and themes and feel my avoidant behaviors trying to kick in no matter how much I try to resist. I’m exhausted…and it sucks. Even my sister told me “some people are not meant to overcome hurdles because God wants them to be stronger” referring to me. Now I feel like my OCD is impossible to get over. I don’t want to be strong, I want to be at peace. I’m not even religious and this is getting to my head and I’m spiraling. I can’t afford to be on medication or go to therapy. I’m struggling so hard.