I haven’t been eating well for awhile or drinking enough water smh. I just don’t feel like it anymore🤷🏻‍♂️. I’m on lamictal but I’m still not myself 🤦🏻‍♂️😔

I don’t care to eat really anyways. What’s the point when therapist’s don’t believe that the reason why I’m so depressed isn’t because I can’t think about women like regular anymore so I’m not going to act like life is great anymore. It’s not. I’m not me. I know how me is and it’s me being able to talk to people like normal and watching tv like normal and being in public like normal but none of it is normal anymore so I don’t see the point of trying it doesn’t get better so I’m tired of being half ass right and not fully right anymore. I’d rather be fully fucked up or not fucked up at all this half shit is fucking depressing.

@Issac Simental I know how you feel. I've been there and then recovered and felt so bad for my previous self who didn't know they could feel normal again. I'm stumbling now because I stupidly came off my meds and never got real therapy, but I'm confident that you and I will both get back to 'normal'.

Let’s see first got hocd back in April of 2014 and that’s when I started not to feel confident talking to guys anymore. In November of 2016 my hocd got really bad to where I couldn’t watch tv like normal anymore or talk to my brothers like normal anymore cuz I was having groinal arousals and my dick started to get erections and it freaked me out and started to think that this is how it must be when you start to become gay. In November of 2018 I compulsed and did an erp session for an hr looking at pictures of gay dudes and gay gifs and decided after I was done to think about a chick who I dated before to think about having sex with her then all of a sudden images of having sex with a dude started coming up and ever since then I haven’t been able to think about having sex with a women on my own when I want to anymore 😔. So for almost 7 years I haven’t felt confident in myself. I’ve done what I can but idk anymore.

I have but I haven’t had any contact with an ocd specialist for about 5 months now. She didn’t think she could help me anymore. It is what it is. I’m in no position for a higher level of care which is what she thought I need but idk. I just want to feel normal again.

Nothing really. I remember her telling me about shock therapy but that’s about it.