Hi everybody. It feels like it's been a while. A few weeks maybe. I just wanted to say that for the most part, I've been feeling better about myself. I felt like I was able to really be happy these past days throughout the month and I really feel like with the practice of not doing compulsions and truly being able to forgive myself for the things I ruminate constantly about, it's been an improvement. Like usual unfortunately, OCD likes to shift what it worries about back and forth over and over again. My OCD has always stayed in the topic of sexual themes. Mainly mine have to do with masturbation, arousal, and orgasms. Lately I've been feeling guilty about simply being aroused by things. By things that have always turned me on in my life, which is the beautiful nature of women. Everytime I feel aroused by the physical presence of a woman, I feel guilty. Very guilty. I feel like I should not sexualize anyone and I shouldn't get feelings like that unless I am with a partner or if I'm taking the time to fantazise. For a few weeks I haven't masturbated and it's made me feel very different. In a more positive way than a negative one. I was able to fight against the urge for a pretty long time actually, and I was able to really enjoy myself doing other things! It felt really good to look back on, but unfortunately I had a relapse minutes ago tonight. Suddenly, it felt like, the more I didn't want to masturbate, the more stressed I became day by day. My thoughts aren't that intrusive but something about my feelings made me feel a little worse the more aroused I was. Or how much I thought about wanting to give myself self pleasure. Tonight I had woke up from my second nap that day. I have bad sleeping habits I need to work on. I woke up extremely horny, breathless, and in the mood.. I felt like at this point I couldn't get rid of it so I just did everything I could to make it go away. And I did. There were so many triggers for me, mainly attractive female celebrities that I thought of. Instagram is also a big trigger for me since there are a lot of sexual themes hosted on that site. I came across plenty of them, got more arousal out of them, and then I gave in. At first after finishing, I felt bad but then after a while.. I didn't feel so bad? It really confuses me and I don't know if this is normal or not. I always get anxious when it comes to how I feel sexually and this is something I ruminate over greatly. Does anyone else get feelings of guilt for simply being turned on? For masturbating? Even if it makes you feel so much better afterwards? Especially in a long time, like weeks without it like I went through? Is this normal? Or am I going down a bad path? My usual OCD thoughts still linger in the back of my head, but not as much as this topic does.