- Username
- Anonymous
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I honestly don’t recommend being on Reddit when dealing with OCD because a lot of the people say some dumb stuff.
I of course wouldn’t want you to avoid it but it’s okay to lay off the forum whilst trying to recover from OCD (assuming you’re doing ERP and therapy) but yea not the best place sometimes.
I understand the feeling of wanting to talk to someone about hocd just to get it off your chest...only them responding by confirming your fear. I told one of my closest friends about my story with it and his first response was, “maybe it is denial man” obviously that sent my anxiety through the roof. As I explained it a little further though, he said he started to see where it might just be all in my head versus me actually being secretly gay. Regardless though, OCD about homosexuality is still misunderstood by a lot of people today. It can be easily misinterpreted as “people being homophobic” because they get the impression that the sufferer is claiming that “being gay is a disease”, so they feel offended. At the end of the day though OP, just like everyone has said above, the only thing that matters is what you know and feel about yourself. Similar to what I described with my friend, I still knew my situation was and still is OCD. Biggest thing I tell people on here is this: if you’re confused about anxiety vs actual attraction, ask yourself this: do I feel more comfortable sexually around women or men? Which one do I want to go up and talk to versus which one makes me want to get away and be on my own? That doesn’t always work because, again, your mind may tell you still you want to go talk to the sex that your fear is about. But in the end, you know deep down who you’re most attracted to.
Great points, there is always this feeling that I know my true sexuality which is good. I know I’m straight, I know this, but I am starting to accept that the HOCD/SOOCD give me doubts.
@BeachedMermaid Again it goes back to which sex you feel most comfortable being around, that’s the biggest differentiator for me when I do some reflection.
Even people with OCD often times misunderstand HOCD. Even certain people with HOCD misunderstand others. It’s such a complex form. I think it’s kind of dumb and ignorant that they told you that. 1) they’re not you and they don’t know what’s going on in your head and 2) I feel like they should’ve known that would’ve triggered you but they said it regardless. It’s just something you have to disregard and try to use maybe as a little erp.
realistically. no one else can tell you what your going through because they aren’t you. only a specialist is going to have the best understanding. don’t think too much about it. because they just don’t know.
Reddit is a cesspool. Plese avoid.
Don’t try to convince yourself. Use this as an exposure, write it down. Tell yourself that! fear and do not give in to any compulsion as your anxiety will eventually go down.
It’s like I’m not even anxious about it
Then if you’re not, nothing to worry about or pick at. Let the thoughts pass.
I don’t know why people say stuff like that, they have no idea becuase they aren’t you. Hang in there, hope you are in therapy! Try and let your thoughts pass without judgement.
The chick from earlier sent an article talking about what internalized homophobia is. For fucks sake. I don’t want to be gay or bisexual and I keep getting this feeling in my chest. Like this sensation that makes me feel like I want to be gay or bisexual when I dont want to be.
Please someone help me. I feel like I’m in denial. I feel like I don’t have ocd. It’s too real. The intrusive thoughts aren’t as frequent, I don’t have anxiety or do compulsions. I’m not even against the thoughts anymore. I can’t explain how real it feels. It can’t be ocd and the thing is I just don’t want to like girls. That’s it. I just don’t want to. But that sounds like I’m resisting my sexuality and it feels like this too. I’m sorry to everyone on this app but I don’t think I’m like u anymore. If things like internalised homophobia and comphet didn’t exist then I’d know I was straight but they do so now I think I’m just that. I don’t want to marry a girl or have sex with one or anything. I want to be straight and just fucking live my life. I’ve never had a boyfriend and I haven’t had a crush on a boy for years even though my ‘ocd’ started in the summer. I’ve had loads of male celebrity crushes that I’ve felt like I’ve loved and I don’t understand how those could’ve been fake but they must have been. Compulsions don’t comfort me I just watch tv to distract myself and that’s it. I can’t do this shit anymore. I don’t want to like girls but I have to be either bi or lesbian. Please I just want to be straight I don’t get it.
I look at straight couples and cry cause i will never be able to have that. The thought of being happy with another girl makes me sad, and i feel bad that it makes me sad cause then it feeds my horrible person ocd and makes me feel homophobic cause nothings wrong with it but i dont want to be with a girl and dont want to be lesbian cause i dont want girls or dont want to desire them. And the thought of never being happy with a boy makes it even worse. Then im scared i’m actually okay with that thought. I always dreamt of being with a boy and now i can’t even fantasize about kissing and cuddling. Cause suddenly i feel like kissing a boy is gross and cuddling i feel nothing. AND I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I JUST WANNA BE ABLE TO BE WITH A GUY AND FEEL ATTRACTED TO THEM. And i dont know why i want it so bad but i do. I want it so bad but i cant have it. I just can’t handle this anymore. The fear, the stress, the not knowing, the confusion. My mind at war. Feeling as if my mind and body are at war. My body responds to something and my mind hates it and freaks out and doesnt want it. Hocd is a fucking demon and i feel like jumping off a cliff rn. Anything would be better than this, anything.
New thought just creeped in: as I used to watch same sex porn, am I afraid of what this means (being gay) or am I just denying that I liked it? It seems like it's the same thing, but what if I, deep down, know I like it and am just denying it? Maybe this isnt even OCD. And my so-ocd latches on to this, to sexual attraction so much, bc it's not something we choose. But I want to be attracted to men. I've always liked men. I don't want to be with a woman. I'm so done with this, it brings me so much suffering. Please be mindful if you respond to this. I'm already feeling so bad..
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