NSFW 18+ PLEASE DONT LOOK IF YOUR A MINOR I used to masturbate to to lesbian and Futa hentai. (Futa is basically chicks with male genitalia having sex with women) and my HOCD (if it even is HOCD considering I’ve never been diagnosed) has been targeting this now. I only want to be with women my age. I constantly gag and sometimes vomit whenever I try to do exposures of reacting to explicit gay thoughts. I don’t want to be with men and I never will. I don’t want to be gay or bisexual in denial. I have been dealing with this for 10 months. I just m/o’ed to this futa thing too. I thought it wasn’t gay because it’s a woman having sex with a woman. I honestly thought it wasn’t gay. 1. Is this gay porn or not? And 2. Is this even still HOCD anymore?

No it's not gay If its girls... lesbians have sex with dildos all the time and they dont like men... Gay isn't your thing if you feel that way about it. Not that being gay is wrong... I assume its HOCD. Relax mr 😁 ocd is a nightmare

I suffer with HOCD too, though it's the opposite for me cos I'm gay... terrified I'm str8 and living to everyone. 😩

lying* not living 🤣

Question for you cool pop- how old were you when you realized you were gay ?

Sorry if I’m too personal

My intrusive thoughts were never about being gay... more harm/pocd thoughts.... so it was so frightening for me... cos I always thought, "am I having them cos I'm not gay"

☝️☝️☝️☝️

Right but did you have romantic crushes on guys - and ever any crushes on girls ?

I had crushes on men but as I've said my intrusive thoughts were never about being gay.

I jus linked them to it.

Does that help...?

Got it - so never any crushes on girls ? My daughter has crushes on boys and has had crushes on boys - but recently after watching an inappropriate TikTok video she said she her brain convinces her that she needs to be “gay”. I don’t think you get to choose like that

I was only ever with one girl... but that's jus part of growing up.. I realised I was gay so I began dating men, and then I was hit hit with ocd... (not gay intrusive thoughts) just linked my themes to the fact i was gay.

I’m assuming the crush on the girl was at a very young age....

Yeah I was 15....

Yes we told her yesterday- me and her father - no one cares what your preferences are - they are your preferences- but we don’t have to decide this right now.... we just have to go about our day

Well I hope I was somewhat helpful 🙈 it's not easy... things will work out... all u can be, is there for her. ❤

Yes

Your right

Thank you so much

Also wishing you the best of luck

Thanks 😁 if you have anymore questions, I'm here.

Also were you always comfortable when you realized your sexuality or did you have anxiety and troubling accepting

That's a tough one... when I came out i was fine, cos I had found me... but then when ocd hit, I was left feeling lost and afraid. It made me question everything... I didnt even know pure o OCD was a thing... I never thought I could be "the person I was again" then wen I do A LOT of research.....(I'm talking like 5 years...) when I came to realisation. I was even more lost. I couldn't believe my brain was I'll, unable to work how everyone elses did. I do believe that if you dont ever experience it.. you can never truly know jus how debilitating it really is.

Can I ask you somthing?

Yes

Sure !!!

Is that the only intrusive thoughts she has?

OCD tends to cling onto things you value, love.

Yes she has only intrusive thoughts every single girl she sees - and then she feels anxious whenever girls are around her now. This all happened in the span in the past 4 months after seeing a video of two girls on tiktok doing inappropriate things- now that is all she thinks about - day and night - being gay.... literally all day long...And then says things like “I have a strong urge to be gay “- before this only Male crushes —always wanted to get married to a man — now she said when she thinks of that she sees herself down the line in the future and gets scared because she doesn’t know if she sees a man or a woman

Like she will see a girl - next question in her head will be like “do I find her attractive?” - do I want to kiss her ? Do I want to be with her ? Do I want to be “gay” with her ? Do I want to be in the position of being “gay?”

Like all this doesn’t sound odd? I mean sometimes even I get lost ...

Trying to help her

The fact that it's an intrusion, is an indication that she has ocd. If it didnt bother her, shed be whatever sexuality she is. You have your sexuality from birth, it never changes... that why I said to feel from the head not the head... the head ( thoughts ) is jus a bully that she didnt ask for. Her heart knows what she is (her true self).

heart not head 🙈 sorry

Yes true - but sometimes she says her head is also convincing her heart she is gay and her urge gets strong to be “gay” so I tell her “ok that’s fine “ and then she says “no I’m settled on that “.

I'm not religious sp that's not anything but my feeling on things 🙈 incase u thought I was (preaching) 🤣

It’a like constant thoughrs all day about being gay - and then she makes up same sex scenarios in her head ...

I hope she matures up and understands

One more thing to note: she says she wants these thoughts to go away ... if they were pleasing she wouldn’t mind them I believe

A compulsion is somthing we do, to lessen or reduce the anxiety around the thoughts. So for eg. Resoning, solving, butting meaning to.... the thoughts. When in reality it was jus a thought that means nothing, says nothing about you... though we get sucked into rumination because we attach meaning.... 🙈

Putting*

The attachment is the ocd part of the brain that holds no logic... jus fear... and the logic part cant distinguish one from the other... so we get stuck. And that's the mental illness in a nut shell 🤦‍♂️🙈

I hope she gets out of this - she is on medication already ... she takes Zoloft

It’s hard seeing a teenage girl like this - it’s messed up

I know it's hard and also know its treatable... so maybe research some ocd therapist in your area and find someone that can help

Yes will do thank you you have super helpful

Curable is not somthing that is guaranteed... but treatment is there to (manage) the symptoms.

Theres a brilliant youtuber, Chrissy Hodges. She really helps me not feel alone... maybe watch her and see how u find her content... she has POCD herself. Shes an inspiration.

She overs all the themes of POCD so the sexuality one is there... might help you understand what your daughter is going through alot more.