Ella___

Date posted: 4y

When I was little I bullied someone and I can’t seem to find the person I bullied so I asked my old baby sitter to see if she knows her mother or her name still haven’t recieved a response. But I’m just feeling bad because what if she committed suicide because I bullied her I know they’re just what ifs but thinking about it just scares me so much I’ve had about two panic attacks over this.

Archer

Date posted: 4y

You shouldn't beat yourself up over things you did as a kid. Everyone changes emotionally when they grow up. But as a former builled kid, I truly appreciate your attempt to reach out and apologize. One of my childhood bullies saw me at the store one day, and she came up to me and profusely apologized for how she treated me. I told her that I accepted her apologies, and that I'm happy she's grown and was having a good life. If you'd like to talk more in depth about this, I'd love to be there for you. But take a few deep breaths, everything is alright ❤

Ella___

Date posted: 4y

Thank you so much and I was bullied myself as a kid as well but I feel so bad for bullying her. The thing is I remember as a child I used to copy what I would see on tv and I recall I choked her once and now that I’m older I feel so bad because I’m like did I traumatize her does she have ptsd from it I’ve been trying to look for her so I could apologize and help her in any way. But my ocd keeps giving me these what ifs and I’m terribly scared.

Ella___

Date posted: 4y

I just want to find her and tell her i am so sorry and help her if she’s gone through anything due to what I did as a kid.

Archer

Date posted: 4y

@Ella___ Do you think that you were negatively affected by the bulling? Did the bulling you experienced have a life altering affect on you?

Ella___

Date posted: 4y

@Archer Honestly the bullying affected me at the time when i was being bullied but then i let it go. Now that im older the bullying i endured doesn’t bug me. Never even crosses my mind.

Archer

Date posted: 4y

@Ella___ Then I imagine it's the same for this person :) I feel like the bulling we endure as a kid doesn't -really- affect our adult selves. We remember it, and it does suck, but we grow so much beyond that

Ella___

Date posted: 4y

@Archer Youre right i just feel bad for choking her and i remember i even told her if she told anyone i choked her id kill her obviously i wouldnt have I was just copying what i saw on tv. I just feel so bad for it but youre right even when i was a child and got bullied i got hit from behind my back to where i lost the ability to breath for about a minute but it doesnt bring me trauma.

Ella___

Date posted: 4y

@Archer Pluss we where kids I was 7 i think she was about 5 or 6

Archer

Date posted: 4y

@Ella___ Well to ease your mind, do what you're doing! Try and find her, and apologize for what you did. Hopefully that'll help ease your mind knowing that that problem is resolved ❤ How are you feeling after this?

Ella___

Date posted: 4y

@Archer Honestly this helped me a lot it gave me clarity i had a break down earlier because of how bad i felt and how my ocd was making me feel it helped me find clarity and think rationally. But I’m going to find her and I have hope that I will I just wish I knew her name hopefully my baby sitter responds soon I want to find her and give her the biggest hug and tell her that im sorry and if i caused any damage ill help her with anything.

Archer

Date posted: 4y

@Ella___ I'm so glad that I could help ❤ I truly hope that this works out for you! If you remember, I would love to have an update!

Ella___

Date posted: 4y

@Archer I will update you hopefully she answers soon om just affraid she wont remember and i wont be able to find out where she is.. i think thats what scares me is not knowing and then the doubt comes in but youre right most of us as children especially at around age 5 or 6 we really don’t remember much. I could be worried for no reason she could possibly not even remember.

Archer

Date posted: 4y

@Ella___ If she can't remember, then there are other ways of trying to find her! You can check old year books, putting familiar names in Facebook/Instagram, asking friends/old classmates. There is always a way :)

Ella___

Date posted: 4y

@Archer The thing is she didn’t go to school with us we where all baby sat together and i asked her son if he remembers but he doesn’t

Archer

Date posted: 4y

@Ella___ Do you know what highschool she went to? Or if she was apart of any groups?

strike1207

Date posted: 21w

Can someone please help. I’m struggling.

I have had the same false memory/instrusive image of me doing something horrible to someone when I was 12 and they were younger. It is a memory based on a real event. I truly don’t know if it’s real or not but obviously, the more I think about it the more I think it’s true. This has led my mind to become slightly paranoid. I worry that if this horrible image in my head is true then one day the person I might have hurt will come and k*ll me. I’m really scared I feel like I won’t feel better as long as this “memory” is in my head. Does anyone have advice?

Mitu_001

Date posted: 18w

I am terrified I am a monster

TW:trauma.. This can be very triggering... I was outside walking my dog.I met with the family of the kid who was hurt years ago(I mentioned abt this..it was really a bad and traumatizing event) .I warned them abt a dog (bcs they have a dog too ) who was walking around and bcs I think I saw it another day .And I talked with their mom and I thought: Am I lying ? Am I manipulating her into thinking I am a caring person when in reality I am not.Because I didnt helped the kid when they needed help.I was right there and didnt help and didnt told them.I feel like a traitor.Everytime we met and talk I am scared my friendly interactions mean I am lying to them and manipulate them.Bcs I didnt help their kid...:,( I am so so sorry for them.I feel like I left them in danger back then,that it was my fault..I cant stop thinking abt how they trusted me and I didnt help..and that event.Because no one should go through that..especially a kid.I am scared honestly..even now .And I am worried.I only care bcs their parents will be mad and blame me..I am scared I dont care abt what happened to the kid( I am sorry if this is triggering..I think these are also my intrusive thoughts) .Plus everytime I am near them I get intrusive images of what happened .And I feel like a criminal..plus other horrible thoughts that make me feel like I a monster.I have terrible thoughts over and over and I feel I am what I am scared of.That I acutually am.I started to belive this( still pray is just ocd)I know is weird( and I am sorry if this is triggering) but I feel like I am the person who hurt the kid.:,(.I just think I dissapointed them and hurt them (the kid..also the family).The worst is I dont even know if they told anyone.I will talk with a therapist abt this..but I want to know also your advices..if u can give me..I know this might be reassurance but I am desperate.These thoughts and intrusive images I get abt what happened are horrible.I cant imagine...:(.I only think abt how terrible it was for the kid..and I feel bad because I think abt it.I overthink my every action, I overthink everything abt my interactions with them and their family.This summer my family will go on a trip with them I think , and Idk if I should go.( tw: also think her dad thinks I am suspicious and I absolutely have no intent to hurt the kid.And that he think I am dangerous bcs I didnt help her:()This feels like hell and I feel like I am make myself a victim in a situation I made myself..I am sorry for putting so many tw.I know this sounds all so bad and suspicious..Either I am terrible or scared I am terrible or both...:(.Anyway I know I did a terrible mistake.Thank you so much if anyone reads all this and responds

Mitu_001

Date posted: 15w

I cant move on

TW: Trauma , ab*se( I dont want to trigger anyone,I hope I won't) I just cant move on from a horrible mistake.When I was 16 a kid told me another kid hurt them.It was very bad.It was an abuse..and I didnt do anything.And honestly I am scared, Idk what to do right now.I want to apologise because I didnt help them..to apologise to their parents, tell them, but I am scared they will blame me( ik,I am a foul) .I am ashamed because I am scared.I could have helped the kid and I didnt.And the fact that the kid trusted me and I didnt help them is killing me.I am so sorry.I want to apologise , do something now,but it might be too late and I dont want to trigger or scare the kid.And since then I got the same ,horrible , repetitive thoughts when I see the kid: what happened, how I didn't help, how terrible it must been, especially because they trusted me.I cant stop these thoughts.Is a cycle.I am thinking that I am complice because I didn't help and that I am a criminal and should be punished.I will go to a therapist soon and Idk how to start telling them about these thoughts.I wish I can go back in time...

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