Does anyone have straightening/ordering compulsions which they cannot pinpoint the reason for where they get rid of one only for the compulsion to start straightening something else pop up? I have created a hierarchy before and, utilizing ERP, have overcome specific compulsions. For example, I used to need to have my socks perfectly folded,ones up, and arranged by size and color in my drawer. I used to also need to place my toothbrush in the drawer a certain way. After overcoming these compulsions to the point where I could simply toss my socks or toothbrush in my drawer, I seemed to develop new compulsions surrounding items I never cared about previously, like needing to have pens lined up in drawers perfectly or the drawstring on my hooded sweatshirts be equal length. I am wondering if this happens to anyone else and, if so, how you have dealt with it? Because of this, and the fact that I cannot pinpoint any specific fears, I am starting to believe that my compulsion to straighten items is simply a way to preoccupy myself due to my anxiety. The irony is that doing these things just causes more anxiety because it results in me being late, falling behind in work, and saps me of time I can spend doing things I either need to get done or things that relax me. I will have a plan to get things done and, because I get so sidetracked ordering things, I don't get things done which results in me becoming so overwhelmed that I need to sit down and relax. I was a very laid back person growing up. I never worried about anything who laughed most things off. If something bad happened, I was the type to reassure others that it "wasn't the end of the World". I was never tense, never raised my voice, and was usually the one to interject when others were arguing to get them to see each others perspective. I cannot pinpoint a specific event that caused me to change, but sometime in my mid 20s I started to have anxiety that manifested in me ordering. First, it was a single small rig in the hallway of my house that I would straighten and re-straighten for hours. As time went on, it got worse and I started having a feeling that more and more things were out of o order. Ironically, the only time since where I have been nearly cured was during a very stressful point of my life when I was divorcing from my first wife. I was recommended the book "Brain Lock" and found it very helpful. Through a lot of reflection, I realized that I was hyper-focusing on small, meaningless things as opposed to what really mattered; and whatever is going to happen will happen irregardless of whether my belongings were straight. I was wasting my life away aligning objects that are utterly worthless, or can be easily replaced,leaving no time to get the more important things done. Instead performing necessary upkeep on my house, I was spending my time on upkeep of a single drawer. Kind of like the whole ocean polluting around you while you are repeatedly filtering a small tide pool. Upon realizing this , I got 99% better. It also helped that 1/2 of the stuff in my house was gone and it had a very minimalist look it. However, when I remarried and my new wife moved in with all of her stuff, my compulsions came back with a vengeance. I reread "Brain Lock" and still have that mindset. However, even when I am being mindful, I cannot seem to pull myself away from straightening even though I know it is not making any difference. OCD is a pain. It is like training for months to go 12 rounds with Mike Tyson and winning only to learn that Ali, Frazier, Klitschko, Ward, and others are going to jump in the ring at any time. I've beat it before, and can beat it again. The tricky part is recognizing the feelings as they come up, staying mindful, and not giving in to the voice that tells you, "it will only take a few seconds to do this compulsion and I will feel much better". As we all know, that isn't the case as giving in only feeds it. Anyway, sorry for the long ramble. It's good to be able to talk to people that understand because everyone around me seems to think telling me to "just stop" should work. I have tried to have them read articles on how best to help, but they have no interest because they do it get it.

Hi this is my first time posting on here. I wasn't sure if I should because I want to make sure I'm not seeking reassurance because I heard that makes ocd worse. I don't want to talk about what my ocd problem was, but basically I was really upset about a religious ocd problem that I know isn't true. I'm feeling a lot better about it now, but when it was bad I decided to try and get better on my own. I read about ERP therapy and how you're supposed to make a list of your ocd problems, from least distressing to most. So I wrote them down on two pieces of paper. At first I started with the simple ones, like looking for spiders before leaving the room. I have a tendency to look for spiders before leaving a room but lately I've been trying not to anymore. Then I decided to try and do one of the hard things. It was a religious ocd problem. I decided to start simple, and just write the problem down on a piece of paper. So I went downstairs and got some paper. But then I thought, oh no, my ocd is probably not going to like this. What do I do with the paper once I write it down? If I think what I wrote down is bad and going to upset God and I will go to hell, (even though I know logically it's not), my ocd is probably going to freak out if I throw away the paper. It probably won't calm down unless I erase it. So I just decided to not write it down on a paper, and just type it on my phone instead. So I did, I typed it on my phone. So, even though I didn't write anything down on the paper, now it feels like that peice of paper is bad. I feel like it's connected to the problem I was having, and I was so upset I called my mom crying asking her what to do. Eventually I decided to just put the paper back with the rest of the paper downstairs, but I'm still upset. I feel like I have to throw away all the paper downstairs, the pencil I was going to use to write down the problem, and the eraser I was going to use in case I needed to erase anything. It feels like if I use any of those items I will make God angry and go to hell. I know I shouldn't do this though, so I'm not going to. I don't know what to do with the papers where I wrote down my ocd problems. They are on my desk and I'm too afraid to move them. And if I put them in my desk I'm afraid they will get mixed up with other papers. I guess I can do whatever I want with them. I think I'll put them in a folder or binder and if I make any more ocd papers I can just put them in there.  I'm just really confused on how to move forward. Right now, I'm too afraid to use the papers, pencil, or eraser for anything. I feel like I can't write on them, draw on them, or anything. It's even making me feel like I can't make digital art. It's making me feel like I can't do a lot of things. I guess what I have to do is just do whatever I want to, because I know the ocd isn't true and doesn't make sense.

Hello, everyone. This is my first time posting on here, so I am very grateful for any insight or feedback that I may be able to receive. For decades, I have battled with what I can best describe as a compulsion to reset/restart my life and personality, and it is very hard to manage. While the timeline had varied and evolved over the years, on average, I have “reset” myself every week or so for about twenty-five years (I am currently thirty-six). Resetting has evolved over time, too, but it involves a lot of time devoted to putting things back to a baseline with my phone, computer, car, odometer, clothes, etc., as well as performing a lengthy ritualistic sequence of events the following day. These things allow me to mentally reset myself as though I am a character in a show, and the next morning is the first scene of the first episode. I tweak parts of my personality, and of course none of it ever sticks. I will purposefully put off progress in work and my personal life in order for those things to be credited to the new me with my upcoming reset. I’ll finally start exercising and dieting properly? Nope - I have to wait for the next reset. I’ll finally clean the house and be productive? Nope - next reset. I’ll knock out these work projects I’ve been putting off for a long time, or these personal projects I’ve always wanted to do for years - just kidding, wait for the reset. Naturally, every single time I reset, I am convinced that this is the final reset, and will be the permanent me…rinse and repeat thousands of times. Of course, very few of the things I put off for a reset actually happen for longer than a day or two, and then it’s back to delaying. It’s supremely frustrating. Anyway…does anybody have any sort of similar experience or insight? I’m having a hard time communicating it, but the impact of it over a quarter century now is pretty maddening.

TLDR: The title. I often feel rush or excitement and curiosity about my OCD thoughts, and I am not shy of it. Do you have experience like this? I think I often feel a lot of excitement when I start to engage with some obsesive thoughts and when obsesive episode starts for me. Like I often find the idea or image very interesting and I am curious about it. But often there is a neat line between excitement and anxiety. Also often it may at first start with excitement but after a while I may feel anxious or traped of being in the loop and then also being anxious about the idea itself and possibilities or ruining things I care about or loosing them. And those aspects can come in various successions or sometimes multiple at once. I encountered some materials about people enjoying their obsesive thoughts but it was usually something else. They had this obsesive fear of possibly enjoying those obsesive thoughts. But I have it different. I know I do have this excitement, rush and curiosity. I know I may somewhat like them. And I do not shy away from that. Also sometimes enjoy compulsions, even lone compulsions without link to obssesions. Like I very rarely need to organize stuff or order them or place them perfectly, but sometimes I just get into it and it is more like I find it fascinating and funny that I can try for the impossible precision and I can feel urge to do it for nonsensical amount of effort. (But I am usually very messy, disorganized and careless about organizing physical stuff) The ocd is still very debilitating and taking a lot of time. And the OCD is still very anxious and sometimes desprate-like experience. The excitement about the ideas might be a good thing because maybe I might accept them better or perform some kind of exposure through it but it may also reinforce a loop. But it is fact that I sometimes enjoy my OCD thoughts, invite them, await them at smallest glimpse. It is just mostly matter of fact. And I am curious what this might mean for me and my OCD and for how I can work I'm with it and interact with it's what changes and options it gives. I am 30 year old and I struggle with OCD from at least 15 years old. I got myself officially diagnosed quite recently and I am on waiting list for a therapy. I have mostly pure or predominantly obsesive OCD but I still go through many mental compulsions and compulsive behaviors. I experienced many subtypes of OCD although not so much of the more traditional ones. My first subtype of OCD was a kind of meta-ocd. I remember how I like the character of detective Adrienne Monk. I liked the character. I did not have it formulated for myself at that age but he was so sensitive, fragile, perceptive, clever and a sort of inventive. The ocd seemed fascinating. Although his neuroticism regarding his environment would be total pain for me, since I was and I am a very messy and disorganized person. But I still vibed with him and sympathized with him. I felt interest and curiosity in being possibly sort of like him. But I felt fear of it as well. I feared I was like him or that I would have ocd. I feared performing rituals and I would sometimes perform them,.sometimes as the relief of confirmation sometimes as examination, sometimes as a sort of exposure therapy before knowing what exposure therapy was. I just had this conflicting fears, obsessions and compulsions about the prospect of having ocd. That was when I was around 15 years old. But through my whole childhood before that, I was already focused a lot on managing and controlling my own emotions to keep away from disappointments. And I was very socially and romantically anxious and had sort of low confidence or fear of low confidence. So those were childhood experiences that were not yet obsessive-compulsive like but which were on the way there. Also know that it is very probable I have some form of ADHD. My mother and siblings have it diagnosed. And I exhibit almost all classical symptoms despite being conflict-averse and diplomatic and therefore considered well behaved child. But doing some less serious and shalower testing with one psychology consultant, I scored way higher and clearer on ADHD test than on OCD test. I also just love novelty, and experimentation and exploration. And I may sometimes engage with obsessions and compulsions out of procrastination. Also my obsessions and compulsions are often chaotic, I often encounter dilema where I don't know what course of action would be compulsive and what would not. Or I am not sure If I am exposing myself and getting familiar with unwanted thought or if I am actually just fulfilling some other compulsions. Like if I am not turning exposure into another obsession. Like anything can become anything. And honestly? I probably do. And why not. Yes I am sometimes perfectionist in the most nonsensical ways. Thanks for reading through this whole thing and paying attention to what I had to say.