I managed to overcome my trans theme in a matter of days, just by agreeing or accepting that there’s a possibility that I am. Now I don’t have that theme anymore and I managed to make it last only a few days. I’ve had HOCD for 8 months now and every day if feels more real. I want to try what I did for TOCD because it worked well but I’m scared to because HOCD feels different and I so desperately don’t want my thoughts to be true. I don’t know what to do :(

Thank you. It’s just SO scary to me. My HOCD feels so different now than the first few months at the beginning. I felt like I could tell it was HOCD and now I can’t and it feels really deeply ingrained in my brain. I’m so worried that I’m going to have to live a life I hate it I start doing ERP because it might prove I’m gay and I really don’t want to be. I do understand what you said though, I either keep living like this or I find out what it’s like on the other side and no matter the outcome it’s probably better than whatever I’m feeling right now. Thank you so much

@Clementine ... I hate *if* I start

Do you mind if I ask you some questions about erp? I don‘t really understand how I can do it without doing mental compulsions because they‘re so automatic and happen so fast :/ Also what worries me is when I manage to say that I do not have to know and feel some relief from that I worry that I should feel more distress from it because if it was really ocd it should feel more difficult to let the thought go. And how can I do erp for past memories? I understand how I can do erp for the false attractions etc. but a lot of my obsession are based about some weird stuff from my past I just remembered when this theme started which seem like proof that it is all true and make me feel like I‘ve always been like that and different to anyone else. Sorry for writting such a long post I just feel kind of lost because my therapist doesn’t use erp and I feel Stuck in recovery :(

@Heleni Hey Heleni! I hear you, when I had this theme, it had some roots in my memories too. False attraction was more of a byproduct more than anything else! I can only give advice from a personal standpoint, but work out how much certain memories trigger you on a scale from 1-10, and then add it to your heirarchy accordingly. So, this could be anything from writing a detailed recount of the memory in your notes on your phone in a way that would imply you were a lesbian, so for example if I had a memory of kissing my friend when I was young, write that in a way that would imply you were a lesbian - I’m imagining that this is very triggering. You’re not gonna beat it first try. Sit there and just feel the anxiety, counter any mental compulsions with ‘you’re a smokescreen for the truth’ when you’re doing an exposure. I understand, they definitely do feel automatic. But try very hard to not listen to the compulsions and apply all of your energy on the exposure to purposefully create the anxiety! It’s very, very difficult. It’s not an easy thing to beat, whatsoever. But once you’ve made that response prevention, you’re on an upwards hill from there and you have the skills for the future!!!

@Ell Hi Ell! Thanks a lot for taking the time to answer my questions, that was really helpful. I guess I finally have to face erp on my own because my therapist doesn’t understand what mental compulsions are. Another fear I have is that the exposures won’t make me anxious enough and therefore my fears are true, but I guess that could be an obsession itself that I need to face. I‘m just sick of living like this and basically I‘m willing to do anything that makes me feel better

@Heleni I’m really sorry you’re dealing with a therapist that doesn’t understand OCD and the complexities of it, that’s never helpful. It’s important to remember that there are risks, but if you research on ERP and how it works, you’re very likely to succeed! I wish you well, I know you’re gonna beat this!!!