Did some exercises while filing my nails. Wasn’t perfect—made them a bit short—but I stayed less anxious about it, and I don’t think I got so stuck as usual. Took longer than I hope to one day, but also less time than often takes me. I might continue the exercises by carefully cleaning up the cuticles and then celebrate by a little gentle manicure. We’ll see how tired I get. Oh, and all of this has been a gift I gave myself to work on me a bit while I’ve been SUPER BUSY with my first week of teaching classes remotely, getting all the welcome emails out, figuring out technical difficulties, LEARNING 4 NEW CURRICULA, and NOT YET HAVING THE MATERIALS! Feeling pretty proud. Lots more work to go for teaching, mask-making, house work, plant babies, fur baby, new band pieces, ... , and of course working on myself and fighting my OCD. I’ll get there by acknowledging the mountain while focusing on the next step! And I’ll celebrate the steps already taken! You’ll get there too! And I’m proud of you for those steps arcing towards improvement! Celebrating all of our steps! March forth, my friends! 🎉

I don’t know what I can do. I guess this is more of a depression thing than OCD but who knows. I have been battling this ongoing war within myself for years now and it’s been affecting my academic performance. situation of mine right now: I haven’t done a lot of work for my classes this month and I feel like I’m going to fail the semester again. I don’t know what it is but I can never seem to begin any work. I know I am capable but why can’t I get myself to start? why has this been going on for so long? I don’t understand. I have a history of good grades back in high school before I turned 17. I don’t even know how to describe it. it’s like I’ve been paralyzed and cannot do any work. but I can somehow do offside tasks like pinterest boards or random youtube videos. if I get rid of those, what do I do? I end up sleeping. because I’m tired. I have a low vitamin D deficiency & have been trying to get energy. I’m at a loss. I also bought unnecessary stuff on sunday when I went out with my family. I bought some things for the kids and I ended up buying myself a dress and a few accessories. now I have to work extra to gain that money back doing uber eats because I need it asap. it’s like I don’t want to work, for now. my coworkers who are around my age don’t work as much & I think to myself, “wow, they must be getting in the work done” meanwhile I’m working 3 days a week (which isn’t much) and attending school. I feel like if I change my schedule again, I’ll ruin it for the rest of my driver coworkers. I’m in a lead position at work so having to put on a mask is quite tiring. there’s so much I want to say that I don’t think it will fit in this post. I have booked a mental health session with a school counselor. all I want at the moment is to have my own place and be in a better mental state to take care of my cats. they mean a lot to me but this stupid ass undiagnosed mental issue is getting in the way. sorry for the long rant. I am tired.

I've had this app for awhile and was really nervous to post,comment or like anything.I still am,and frankly I've been having a really rough time which mostly includes ocd symptom,guilt/shame and agoraphobia which is not a fun combo but a small part of me is so tired of hiding and feeling awful all the time,even if at times I feel like I deserve it.I've been wanting to dabble into my hobbies like drawing or gaming but even my hobbies have been stressful & these negative feelings have been so awful for so long that I feel like I'm standing between two roads all the time yet feel horrified and worried either path when it comes to almost any decision will be wrong or not worth it in the end(and I hate that I feel like so.).I'm sure people can relate but the heavy loneliness and dehumanizing feelings is so awful,it's so good at it too.😭 I'm not diagnosed yet but I share alot of symptoms (interested to figure that out about myself soon.),but until I get medical insurance figured out I don't think I'll have access to professional help yet so for now I've just been watching some professionals online and I might finally read 'Freedom From Obsessive Personality Disorder' and see what it can offer.ANYWAYS,I'm trying to force myself to post so I can to people irl and online in any way I can train my brain to not stay so terrified of everything/everyone so,how has your day been?I hope it's been going well,if you've read this book or have any good suggests please feel free to let me know!

What’s one small win or act of bravery you’ve had this week, even if it felt really hard? **OCD recovery isn’t about perfection—it's about progress, even if it's tiny. Maybe you delayed a compulsion by 30 seconds. Maybe you showed up here today to express you struggles or support others. These are wins, and they matter. Let’s celebrate them together.