SOMEONE WITH POCD OLEASE HELP I THINK I SEXUALLY ABUSED A CJHILD. so there was a video where this 11 year old looked about 16. Im 17, and often tend to be attracted to 16 year olds . Idk if I felt attraction , or if it was just a simple “that’s a good looking person “Then the guy said he was 11 in that pic and I was shocked . Today as a compulsion and I went and looked at the picture again . I felt a groinal response , and again had a moment of “that’s a nice looking person “, it was similar to what I experienced the first time I looked at the picture . It lasted for 2 seconds . I was trying to gauge the age of the kid and how old the kid looked to make sure I was not a pedo . Now I don’t think I’m a pedo but I’m terrified that what I did was sexual abuse , because looking at kids for sexual gratification/ sexual curiosity is sexual abuse and want to puke

Classic OCD. You checked to calm your anxiety and it just made it worse. Nothing I say will help because you're in the grip of OCD, but let me say as an outsider it's textbook

Idk if I felt attracted the second time . Like I genuinely CANT tell. I knew his age so why would I be attracted ! Groinal response ? Genuine attraction ? WTF WTF WTF

It definitely sounds like your ocd for sure, I mean recognizing that someone had those attributes is completely normal. The mind is a tricky trap, I hope you are able to find ways to ease on yourself. I think self compassion has been a huge thing I practice. Easy in words, but hard in practice I know. I don't want to minimize your distress. Ocd just sucks so much.

Work on your response to thoughts. When you have these thoughts, sit with the anxiety for like 15 minutes. Drink some water and do deep breathing. This should help you resist the checking. Stay strong and be patient with yourself! 👍😁

NOW I KEEP HAVING THESE THOUGHTS AND PICTURES IN MY HEAD . It’s where I have a thought “you’re looking at him for arousal” and then glancing at him. That’s looking at him for Arousal; and sexual abuse . Idk if it’s real or false . I’m trying to hard to not give in and to accept the uncertainty but this is so hard

All I know is that I had a thought regarding arousal while looking at him

That I know for sure , but idk what the thought was

If you tell yourself not to think of a pink elephant, you'll think of one. That applies to anything

You are having a thought. Accept that you are having a thought. You are applying meaning to the thought. I do this all the time because my OCD thoughts create anxiety so my brain takes them seriously

If you feel this distraught, you are not a pedophile. I'm a person struggling with OCD for over 20 years, but I'm also a therapist that worked with both sexually abusive adults and children. Arousal can happen innately. It's biological and sometimes it's not what you're looking at but something subconsciously passing through your mind. If you stand two people beside each other with similarly formed body types that are stereotypically attractive you will have the same response without knowing age. Most people will. It's when you find out the age and realize one is inappropriate you start trying to erase the arousal. You're distraught, you're questioning yourself. This is very much OCD. Pedophilia would be seeking out an 11 year old that looks like an 11 year old, and feeling arousal outside control. Not momentary arousal. Those moments are your biology of attraction kicking in and quickly being extinguished by your reasoning that it's not appropriate. I struggled with POCD some and refused to tell anyone but reading lots of research on the topic of arousal and sexuality helped me a lot. If I notice that "feeling" or a riducolus thought I know I don't want, I'm usually able to just move onto a new thought and try to avoid the topic again. The more you think about it, the more anxiety and so on. I never did ERP for these obsessions/compulsions but applied what I learned from others. All of this to say hang in there.