I feel like a worthless disgusting child sexual abuser. Basically , I saw a video with an 11 year old who looked 16. I remember thinking he was 16, and that he looked really good . I don’t know if it was aesthetic or romantic attraction towards him. I can’t tell . I just thought he looked good . Then the next clip the dude was 24, and said he was 11 in that . I got really anxious today and Watched the video to gauge how old he looked to make sure I’m not a pedo. Then I think I was attracted to him again . Fuck. The evidence is that I had a feeling similar to the last time , a groinal response , and I remember thinking he had really nice eyes , and looking st his skin . I never intended to like deliberately look at him sexually . I remember having a thought , Then a groinal . Idk what the thought was . I remember my intentions were just to gauge how old he looked. But I remember thinking things like “he had really pretty eyes “, and that he had nice skin and bone structure . What if I looked at Him to feel pleasure ? From what I know , it was just , “oh photogenic”, but if that’s the case why did I feel a groinal ? Why did I feel similar to the first time I saw him ? How tf do I live with myself ? Do I even deserve it ? I’m not trying to seek reassurance but I am helpless right now and don’t know what to do .