Okay so this may just be me. I sometimes mistake girls for guys and my instinct was never “she’s hot” it was always “he’s hot” because I thought they were male and when I found out they were female I got extremely uncomfortable, I didn’t have any desire to do anything I just thought they were hot guys. Now with this HOCD I’ll think “oohh he’s hot” and freak out and I’d have to examine and MAKE SURE they’re male because I’m PETRIFIED they’re female. But now it’s like when I find out they’re male I feel relief but I’m still extremely anxious about it. I still get the annoying groinal responses when I look at some women and it’s very annoying. I just want to be my normal straight self again.

Does anyone else avoid people of the same sex when their HOCD flares up??? I’ve always unfollowed girls on my instagram that I thought were attractive because I was scared of liking them / and I didn’t want to see them because it made me think I found them attractive and stuff. Is this normal or is it just me being scared of admitting i’m gay? HOCD is so frustrating and confusing sometimes. Am I just scared of my truth☹️?

Okay so I have been struggling with HOCD for so fucking long. I never felt like I had crushes on boys growing up but I wasn’t attracted to girls either (this was through 5th grade). Until 6th grade hit. I remember it like it was yesterday. I had the thought walking up the stairs and it was “You’re lesbian.” And ever since that thought was there and I fought it I have been dealing with all types of OCD ever since (been going on for 7 years). And only this year I found it was OCD. But it’s hard because I don’t know if I’m actually gay or I convinced myself I’m gay because I gave up and gave in. Now whenever I see I pretty girl I feel tingling. And I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn’t a lesbian so I look up pretty pictures of girls with their boobs out and I loved it. And I wanna make out with a girl so intensely. But then at the same I don’t wanna be in a relationship with a girl and I wanna marry a guy and I just desperately wanted to be like by a guy. But I get so horny whenever girls are in bikinis and stuff. But I have OCD and I’m so confused.

All ocd is horrible to go through but there’s something about hocd that’s really difficult. It feels like your lying to yourself when u know your not. I know I’m straight because when I don’t have these intrusive thoughts I feel myself again. Does anyone else with hocd like panic if they see like another woman in say like lingerie or something on say Instagram ? Sounds stupid but I’ll see a girl like that on Instagram and it’s like a part of my brain that I don’t want saying you are attracted to that you want a woman you are gay. I know it’s ocd but then does anyone else have moments were they panic and just think shall I just give up maybe I’m just in denial? But then if I say okay I’m by that’s fine I just feel like I’m lying to myself cause I know I’m not. It’s like you can’t win. If I see like a woman’s chest like I can appreciate that boobs are pretty which I do think they are but I’m not attracted to them the same way I am with male body parts if you get me. But it’s like a part of your brain that’s convincing you you do. Like I’m scared