Okay so this may just be me. I sometimes mistake girls for guys and my instinct was never “she’s hot” it was always “he’s hot” because I thought they were male and when I found out they were female I got extremely uncomfortable, I didn’t have any desire to do anything I just thought they were hot guys. Now with this HOCD I’ll think “oohh he’s hot” and freak out and I’d have to examine and MAKE SURE they’re male because I’m PETRIFIED they’re female. But now it’s like when I find out they’re male I feel relief but I’m still extremely anxious about it. I still get the annoying groinal responses when I look at some women and it’s very annoying. I just want to be my normal straight self again.

I don't know for sure if I have HOCD, but it seems like I do, I tried to accept the idea that I'm gay, I felt calm, and then I started to get scared because I didn't feel anxiety anymore, I still feel attracted to my girlfriend, both physically and emotionally, but I feel an attraction to boys, sometimes I panic when I feel attracted and sometimes I don't (but most of the time I do) and I don't want to break up with my girlfriend I want to get back to normal

I really need help understanding what I’m going through. For a long time now, I’ve been struggling with thoughts and feelings about women that confuse and scare me. Sometimes I feel this strange emotional or mental ‘pull’ toward certain women — it’s not exactly sexual, and not clearly romantic either, but it feels like something, and it triggers deep anxiety. When I see a beautiful woman or a WLW (woman-loving-woman) couple, I feel something that I can’t explain — sometimes I think it’s just admiration or aesthetic appreciation, but OCD keeps telling me: “You felt something, so you must be gay,” or “You’re hiding something.” I get stuck in endless loops, trying to analyze these moments and label them. Even when I feel physical or emotional reactions, they don’t feel natural or aligned with who I am. They feel like a reaction to the idea of women, not real attraction. I try to be honest with myself — I even told a friend I might be bisexual at some point, just to test if that felt more comfortable. But it didn’t. It made things worse, and I felt like I lost touch with who I am. I don’t want to lie to myself or live in denial, but I’m exhausted. It feels like I’m being mentally forced to feel something that isn’t mine. I’m 14, and I understand that things might still be developing, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve always been drawn to men, and never naturally wanted women that way. Still, I keep doubting everything. Is this real attraction or OCD feeding false feelings and thoughts? Can OCD create emotional or mental sensations that feel like desire? I’m so scared that I’ll lose myself, or find out something I never wanted. I just want peace and to feel like myself again.

I feel that I’ve come on extremely well. I still can’t accept uncertainty. My attraction to the opposite gender (females) comes back but doesn’t last how it used to too. I feel that excitement, thoughts like “she’s well fit” then a horrible depressed feeling and those voices saying “but you don’t like females anymore…” The false attraction towards same gender (male) isn’t as bad as it was. It used to be every single male, old young, big, small, even voices, cartoons and so on. Now it’s a quick spike when I see a male followed by disgusted, I still pull a horrible face and I shake depending on how bad the thoughts/ feelings. This HOCD/SOOCD happened 14 years ago but not as severe as this time round. Then just went for 14 years. Has anyone been through the same and got through it??