I don’t even know if it’s ROCD related but I really really hope so, because I am actually diagnosed with OCD. I noticed a really bad behavior about myself. I love and trust my boyfriend 100% and I’m okay with him texting with his ex boyfriend. They are just friends. Since our relationship started, I felt inferior about everything. He has more experience, he is more beautiful, anything! Unfortunately I’m very jealous and he knows that, but what I just noticed is, that sometimes some of my sentences or questions are subtly imputing?! Like when he says “I know this place” I get the thought “he was there with his ex lover” and then I say “of course you know this place” or when he posts a selfie of him, I ask him “oh I bet you get a lot of dms” and both of us smile it away and I don’t think he really knows why I keep asking or saying this. I always get the thought that his ex boyfriends text him stuff. But I trust him and I’m fine with everything he does because he is the most caring and lovely person ever. I adore him and we also wanna marry soon… but earlier everything cracked and I was so overwhelmed when I realized what a bad person and especially bad boyfriend I am. I am shook and also now I can’t really breathe because I’m so disgusted by myself and feel like I’ve ruined the relationship now. 🥺

I have dealt with these exact same obsessions and still deal with them from time to time. You are not alone! Look into ACT (Acceptace and commitment therapy) and really focus on your values . You value your relationship and trust your partner. Stay true to your values and practice shrugging your shoulders and not engaging in the compulsions when ocd begs you to do them. Obessively questioning your partner only puts a strain on your relationship. I know this first hand. Let them know in a general way that you are dealing with ocd realated thoughts about them. But let them know that they are no reflection of how you actually feel. Work with a therapist and get some practice with ERP. It changed my life. You can do this!! You can have a healthy relationship and still have ocd, it does not have to run your relationship! Best of luck!!

That is awesome that you talked to your partner! When I explained to my fiancé that my brain works on overdrive and I have obsessive thoughts about him that I don’t want to have, he was able to conncect the dots of why I acted certain ways in the past. It brings so much freedom to a relationship when you are 100% open with your partner. It’s funny that you mention not having anxiety with your thoughts. That is one of ocd’s cruel tricks, sometimes anxiety accompanies the thoughts, sometimes it doesn’t. And then we fear, “if I’m not anxious, this can’t be ocd!” But it’s still ocd! It pulls out every trick to make your life hell. Feeling anxious about not being anxious? That’s ocd! I have dealt with this exact same situation you are talking about. Even if I don’t feel that anxious, my ocd will tell me, “Just ask him about that past relationship, or what he was just looking at on his phone, or get some reassurance on how much he loves you.” You don’t have to be super anxious to have desires to do compulsions. It sounds like you are very self aware and that’s awesome! Every time you do a compulsion, whether it be analyzing your thoughts or asking your partner unnecessary questions, write it down! After a while, you will see a pattern. Also, your last sentence is something that pretty much everyone with ocd, including myself, has said before. I really encourage you to get connected with a therapist who can set you up with a game plan on how to train your brain to live with uncertainty through ERP. In the meantime, there are so many great resources online and books! I am a big fan of the book, “Freedom From Obsessive Compulsive Disorder” by Jonathan Grayson. There is something really empowering about understanding what is going on inside your brain. Just know you are not alone and there is hope for living with ocd! It’s not easy a lot of the time, but you can still live a beautiful life!

There’s not too much more I could say, since I’m not a therapist, but I can say that confessing is a very common compulsion that so many of us with ocd deal with. Think of in not in a way, “how do I get rid of this?” Or “how can I stop doing this?” But instead, shift the mindset to, “how can I learn to live with these thoughts and desires to confess and ask questions, but refrain from doing them?” The answer to this is through ERP! Through therapy and lots of hard work, you can learn to strengthen your mind in ways that you didn’t think were possible! I wish I could say more, but I’m not an expert or therapist. Sending so many good thoughts your way and whenever you feel hopeless, just know you are not alone and so many other people are dealing with exactly what you are dealing with. You got this!