For those with SOOCD, loss of attraction to the gender you are dating is very common with this theme... anyone here been through this and have some insight on what that erp process looked like for you? I'm struggling hard with this process and could use some support. It feels like it will never feel right to be intimate with my bf again 😟

I suffer from this and often feel that since doing erp it’s “more clear for me that I’m actually a lesbian and am not attracted to my bf” it feels so true at times. How can I just stop the rumination? The exposures are easy for me to do and raise anxiety, I do better with response prevention while doing an exposure but it’s the everyday trying to figure it out and arguing with myself that gets me still (also the feelings that come with the thoughts that are hard to let go lol)

@Corie That's understandable! Let me ask you this: when was the last time you let yourself have a good day? I bet it's been a long time. You're running yourself ragged and you're doing yourself a major disservice by not showing compassion and patience. You don't have to have an answer. There will be plenty of people on here who will try to lead you to an answer, but at the end of the day, there isn't one. Have you had any other subtypes? If you have, it may be helpful to remember what it was like whenever you had those types. They felt real, didn't they? They felt so convincing that you believed them. This is no different from those other types. OCD is OCD. Your job is to not find a solution. That's your only job. That is how you beat rumination. Stop trying to find an answer and be okay with the present moment. It will be awkward and disconnected and maybe even scary, but that's the whole point. Best of luck to you :)

@NOCD Advocate - Kylee C. This is my main theme and primarily my only one.. sometimes I get ROCD like thoughts a lot of them due to the HOCD :/

Thank you so much for your insight! It's been hard for me to find solid advice on how this actually looks in practicality but what you said makes a lot of sense to me. Thank you

@hanny123 Of course :) if you have other questions about SOOCD, I'm available. The trickiest part is finding ERP that truly attacks your core fear. Unfortunately, my therapist didn't realize my core fear, so we did ERP such as looking at photos or movies. It didn't really help my SOOCD and I couldn't figure out why. Turns out that not everyone with this subtype has the same triggers. For me, my major trigger revolves around leaving my partner. This meant that my brain hyper focused on things such as loss of attraction and arousal checking behaviors. If this sounds like you, my best advice is to continue to be intimate (even if there's no anxiety, you're still ruminating and reviewing - stop that!) And communicate with your partner about the feelings you have. You obviously don't need to tell them everything, but a brief overview of your subtype will help them understand what is bothering you. You can also watch films or videos about people who came out after marriage (these can be a huge trigger so ease into that type of ERP). And also be sure to do some accepting and cognitive behavioral changes. Hope this helps! :)

@NOCD Advocate - Kylee C. Yes for sure, your triggers and focuses sound a lot similar to mine. My compulsions involve a lot of checking and worrying about a loss of attraction, etc. I'm beginning my NOCD treatment with a NOCD therapist next week, so I will take this knowledge in mind until then. Thank you again!

@hanny123 Awesome! Just remember to be transparent and up-front about your core fear. It will help your therapist find creative ways for you to manage it. :) Good luck!

Thank you for your insight! Yes I find its quite hard for me to just do it, so to speak. Not quite the same as erp of saying I love you or other things like that