I did something weird and I am not ok with it......I am afraid of going to hell but also the demons/OCD voices are in my ear, I want so badly for God to talk to me about this and I can't feel his peace....I wonder if it means what I did was really bad...uuggghhh----I am so sick.....I can't believe this pain. I felt like I did a good job for 13 years of not doing anything too bad...this happened a month ago and I can't take it back!...I swear God it was an accident! Help me God!!

I did tell the therapist, and she said it wasn't sexual assault but I don't believe her....maybe I am feeling sorry for myself.......I don't know if I am too serious but if it was a kid I could have gotten in trouble.....this is the weirdest thing I've ever done and I just wanted to make sure I didn't feel anything....I shouldn't of did that. I had Covid and was taking vitamins....I think the vitamins were making me too stimulated......I am sick...

Yes, I am really religious....I keep thinking about "pray in everything, worry in nothing"...but its not helping.........I even heard am "audible voice"...I highly doubt it was God.....I think that happened because what I did really crossed a boundary........I had a coat and a flannel shirt over my lap too!!....I was checking!!!....I didn't think she could feel anything!!

I already told the therapist...90% of it...I didn't physically touch the cat but I think she felt something I can't get it out of my head....

I know he is....but I am a perfectionist and I can't really live with the knowledge of this....I am hardly sleeping at night. And the OCD demons are making fun of me!!...saying gross stuff to me...

Thank you.....its hard....I knew I needed back on Clomipramine but the psychiatrist wouldn't give it back to me....that made me mad but what do you do? I knew my OCD was worse......I was pretty sure....I shouldn't of been on the supplements either......sorry....thank you for advice---I am so glad you reached out.

You are a great person....I know you are probably done with this topic...but it means a lot that you took a lot of time to chat with me--- I don't mean to be selfish but I have been obsessed about this the last month------I had a mother that was pretty mean growing up and I had a lot of acne and was made fun of a lot in school, maybe other issues too...my biological mom was schizophrenic or something and I think I have a touch of schizophrenia....I know this is a lot to say but that is really great of you to chat....I noticed a lot of people don't reach out to others, everyone is lost in their demons and pain/fear....including me...I try to connect on here but feel lost in my pain too....some days I try to help but many days I am stuck in my obsession of this problem. You sound like you have done a lot of self work on yourself and have turned the corner to realize God is a loving God.......its hard for me to realize he is a loving God, my mom was so demanding of me I feel like God isn't loving.....and waiting for you to stumble so he can punish you....maybe I got this way from selfish thoughts I am not sure...this world is so broken.....I probably sound young but I am 41...I got severe OCD when I was 27....you are probably younger than me.

@Anonymous You are correct, i am younger than you. Although I did do some self work, I agree with everything you said. It wasn't easy, it was like conquering the monster that i had inside my head, it takes a lot of effort and courage. Just taking the first steps is the hardest. God is always there to give you a hand. It took me a couple of months to figure it out. Everything that you went through the past is not your fault. You deserve more love and compassion. Also, i believe that God sends people to you to help you when you least expect it.

@Nonsu I mean how did you figure it out? through a counselor? I feel like my head is in a bad place. With Covid this has been a bad year.

@Anonymous I never took therapy, or go to a counselor. I had to find what triggered it and what I could do to lessen it. So I searched and googled answers. I would watch therapy videos and tik toks about mental health. I bought the book of DSMV (mental disorders). I read on how to reprogram your brain. Even though I sound like ive recovered, i really haven't, i just pretend that there's just thoughts and those thoughts aren't me but a separate me. I purposely make myself go through the fear and doubts even if it's uncomfortable. Taking small steps.

@Nonsu That's basically what I do.....I felt like I had it under control but I don't...if I have extreme stress weird things can still happen.....goodness sakes!!