Tw Do you guys think with POCD/HOCD it‘s nearly impossible to not develop ROCD? I met my boyfriend during recovery, but I didn’t have any butterflies or faster heartbeat and I wasn’t that attracted to him but I was fascinated by his character, attitude and charisma. I started to google and asked friends if I’m allowed to start a relationship with him if I don’t have overwhelming feelings. I noticed I still thought about other guys.But I knew that I wanted to be with him I was feeling good and happy, he is perfect. I thought maybe I’ll develop harder feelings during the next couple of weeks. But I didn’t. I developed more feelings than I had in the beginning and even sometimes butterflies, but I always thought it wasn’t enough. After 2 months my POCD started coming back because I was asking myself constantly if I’m not enough attracted to my boyfriend. We got intimate a couple of weeks before it came up again and it was new and everything to me and it was hard to manage, questioning my feelings constantly. My therapist also said that we have to work on my feelings because she thinks I’m not letting me feel enough. She’s right, since POCD is here again, I am afraid to have feelings towards anyone because I think all my feelings are linked to children. I feel like I just can’t let go and be happy. I don’t know what to do. POCD is one thing, but I thought about breaking up with my boyfriend a lot of times because I feel very guilty concerning the fact about my lack of physical feelings. I know that I love him, I want to be with him, I want him to be the last person I see in the evening and the first person I see when I wake up, I feel safe, he feels like home, he is the most caring, loving and sweet person I’ve ever met. The thought of braking up with him makes me cry so hard and breaks my heart. But I just can’t stop thinking about whether it’s enough or not, whether it’s enough or not, whether it’s right or not. I think my OCD plays a huge part concerning the feelings but at the same time I question “what if not? What if OCD isn’t the one who stops you from feeling things and you just don’t love him?” It makes my POCD even worse. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do/feel/think. Whether it’s my OCD ruining it or not. If I’m ruining it myself and in denial and just not wanting to let go of my boyfriend. I feel very guilty especially towards him. But I want to be with him but all the things from the beginning and everything tells me that I shouldn’t. I don’t know anymore.

Hi everyone, I’ve been struggling with a lot of doubts and anxiety in my relationship, and I’m not sure if it’s normal or if it might be something more like relationship anxiety or ROCD. I’m in a long-distance relationship with someone who is incredibly sweet, caring, and kind. And not to mention this is my first relationship ever. Despite knowing all of this, I often find myself overwhelmed by doubts. I constantly question whether I really love him or if I only like the idea of him. Sometimes, I worry that I’m just staying in the relationship because I don’t want to be single or because he’s the kind of person I’m supposed to be with. These thoughts feel so real, and it’s hard to shake them off, even though I don’t want them. I also tend to find “icks” or small things to criticize, and it feels like my brain is trying to push him away, even though I want to be with him. I feel guilty for having these thoughts, and it makes me overthink whether I’m being honest with myself about wanting the relationship. At times, I rely on external validation, like when people tell us we look cute together. I’m scared I might be too focused on what others think, instead of how I truly feel. I also feel guilty about small things, like not responding in the way I think I should, and I worry whether I’m capable of loving someone else. Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed by how “perfect” he is, and it makes me try to find ways to dislike him, even though I know he’s a good person. I also feel nervous about things like meeting his parents or not fully enjoying his sense of humor, which adds to my overthinking. I want to be with him, but I’m stuck in this cycle of doubt and overanalyzing my feelings. I just want these thoughts and anxieties to go away. Has anyone experienced anything like this? Could this be a sign of relationship anxiety or something more? Any advice or insights would be really appreciated.

I'm really struggling atm w what I think is rocd. I know for an absolute fact that I love my boyfriend 100% with all my heart. I'm only 15 but I know that he's the person for me. We've been together for a year and a few months and I've been in love with him since I was 11. I'm almost 16. We've never had an argument, he's so incredibly supportive and he's very aware of the whole situation. I've been having horrible thoughts for about 6 months now that I'm not in love with him anymore. Obviously this upset me so so much but at the beginning I knew it wasn't real and I miss when my biggest issue was how to tell him and not upset him. Luckily I have the kindest most loving boy and he completely understood me and he is the only person who can fully comfort me. At the beginning I knew the thoughts weren't real but 6 months later and they're all i can think about I'm believing them and it's horrible. At one point about 3 months ago I came to the realisation that love is a choice, I loved being around him qnd kissing him and being his friend, and qt 15 that's basically all a relationship is. Since coming to that conclusion, and also telling myself that even if the thoughts were real and I really didn't love him anymore, then I would again because of who he is, and the sheer fact that I want to love him, the thoughts have changed into what if I dint like him and now I've convinced myself that I don't even like him and I don't want to love him again, and that's the worst part of it all because I believe it. He knows I believe them, and he's only 16 but he's handling it all so so we'll. He says that he knows that the thoughts aren't real, even if I don't know because he's got an outside perspective, but it's okay if I don't realise it because he'll wait for mw as long as I need. Some days I overthink so much I refuse to kiss him, and he's handled that so well, he'll always ask me if I want a kiss or a hug beforehand if I'm having q bad day, and he's gotten into the habit of watching Disney films with me ro help calm me. I don't understand why I don't think I want him in my life anymore. I miss feeling like i love him. I do have therapy, and she says that the thoughts aren't real qnd she knows this because of just the way I speak about him. My mum said she knows that they're not real, ans his mum says the same. For about 5 days last week the thoughts were gone. I felt like I loved my baby again. I was so so so happy because I loved him again and he was so proud of me. Then the thouhjts came back. I dint want this to be too long, im so sorry of you're still reading. Just any tips on how to love my baby again? I'll do anything except break up with him. I love being a part of his family qnd I miss how it was, but I'd much rather be so so sad ans scared all the timw with the thoughts then not have him at all. I've had very intrusive thoughts before but nowhere as bad as this. Maybe the intensity of the thoughts is mimicking the intensity of the love I have for him? I just want to love my jude again, my lovely boy :(

Hi everyone, I’m struggling with what I believe is ROCD, but it feels so real and overwhelming that I don’t know what to trust anymore. I wanted to share my thoughts and experiences, hoping someone can relate and maybe help me feel a little less alone. Lately, I’ve been feeling completely disconnected and numb toward my boyfriend. I don’t know if I love him, and I’m constantly questioning my feelings. Sometimes when we’re together, I feel like I don’t want to talk to him, or I find him annoying, boring, or even cringe. Then, I feel immense guilt because he’s a loving and caring person who doesn’t deserve this. I have these intrusive thoughts that say: • “You don’t love him.” • “You’re just pretending.” • “You’re fed up with him.” • “You want someone else.” Sometimes, it doesn’t even come as a question like “What if?” — it comes as a statement, which makes it even scarier. And because I feel numb or indifferent when these thoughts come, it feels like they must be true. I’m also terrified that this isn’t ROCD, that maybe I’m not experiencing anxiety at all, and that these thoughts reflect how I truly feel. This fear is paralyzing and makes everything worse. I feel trapped, wondering if I’m just in denial and avoiding the truth. When I’m with him, I get caught in mental compulsions like: • Checking my feelings constantly to see if I feel love. • Comparing how I feel now to how I used to feel. • Seeking reassurance by thinking things like, “If I didn’t love him, would I feel this bad?” • Replaying memories to convince myself that I care about him. • Reading posts about ROCD to feel better, but the relief never lasts. I also feel like I’m ruining my relationship day by day. I get irritable and rude, and I know it hurts him, which makes me feel like a horrible person. I worry that I’m pushing him away and that one day he’ll give up on me, and it’ll be all my fault. Sometimes, I have moments where I feel happy to see him, and that confuses me even more. I recently saw him for a few minutes while I was out with my friends, and I felt joy seeing him. But when we’re together for longer, my mind gets flooded with doubts and fears again. I hate myself for feeling this way. I feel like I’m failing him, and failing myself. I’m scared that I’m in denial, that I don’t really love him, and that I’m forcing myself to be in this relationship. The numbness makes me feel like I don’t care, but deep down, I want to care. I want to love him, feel happy with him, and just be normal. But my thoughts keep telling me otherwise, and I feel trapped in this loop. If anyone has gone through something similar, or has any advice on how to manage these thoughts and compulsions, I’d be so grateful. I just want to know that I’m not alone, and that there’s a way through this. Thank you for reading. 💔