Tw Do you guys think with POCD/HOCD it‘s nearly impossible to not develop ROCD? I met my boyfriend during recovery, but I didn’t have any butterflies or faster heartbeat and I wasn’t that attracted to him but I was fascinated by his character, attitude and charisma. I started to google and asked friends if I’m allowed to start a relationship with him if I don’t have overwhelming feelings. I noticed I still thought about other guys.But I knew that I wanted to be with him I was feeling good and happy, he is perfect. I thought maybe I’ll develop harder feelings during the next couple of weeks. But I didn’t. I developed more feelings than I had in the beginning and even sometimes butterflies, but I always thought it wasn’t enough. After 2 months my POCD started coming back because I was asking myself constantly if I’m not enough attracted to my boyfriend. We got intimate a couple of weeks before it came up again and it was new and everything to me and it was hard to manage, questioning my feelings constantly. My therapist also said that we have to work on my feelings because she thinks I’m not letting me feel enough. She’s right, since POCD is here again, I am afraid to have feelings towards anyone because I think all my feelings are linked to children. I feel like I just can’t let go and be happy. I don’t know what to do. POCD is one thing, but I thought about breaking up with my boyfriend a lot of times because I feel very guilty concerning the fact about my lack of physical feelings. I know that I love him, I want to be with him, I want him to be the last person I see in the evening and the first person I see when I wake up, I feel safe, he feels like home, he is the most caring, loving and sweet person I’ve ever met. The thought of braking up with him makes me cry so hard and breaks my heart. But I just can’t stop thinking about whether it’s enough or not, whether it’s enough or not, whether it’s right or not. I think my OCD plays a huge part concerning the feelings but at the same time I question “what if not? What if OCD isn’t the one who stops you from feeling things and you just don’t love him?” It makes my POCD even worse. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do/feel/think. Whether it’s my OCD ruining it or not. If I’m ruining it myself and in denial and just not wanting to let go of my boyfriend. I feel very guilty especially towards him. But I want to be with him but all the things from the beginning and everything tells me that I shouldn’t. I don’t know anymore.

zannaseattle

Date posted: 6y

I have friends who started dating, ended up getting married and have been together for over 20 years. They never had a moment of "butterflies" in their stomach. When they got married there wasn't even an official proposal. Both their parents asked if they were getting married and they just said "sure." Next thing they know they were planning a wedding. I think this had really strengthened their relationship. If there are less passionate times in their life, they just become best friends again. When they struggle connecting on a personal level, their passion tends to grow. I guess what I am trying to say is that passion and "butterflies" don't have to be there at the beginning of a relationship and you may never feel "butterflies." The important piece is are you connecting? Every couple connects in different ways so, let your relationship unfold how it will and remember to give yourself grace. You may end up with the deepest most meaningful relationship of any kind you have ever had.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@zannaseattle Thank you, I needed to hear this today.

m.a.d.

Date posted: 6y

I have HOCD, and I have the same worries when it comes to dating:( unfortunately our OCD preys on our attractions because it is associated with attraction, but I can assure you that from an outside point of view, your symptoms scream OCD. From what i’ve read, POCD and HOCD often exist alongside ROCD.

nlnnoaia

Date posted: 6y

Moreover I didn’t know about ROCD before and only since I know about ROCD and read about the symptoms I have the feelings that I use it and fake my symptoms for my feelings and thoughts towards my relationship. Reading about ROCD first I was like “nah I don’t have any of these symptoms so it can’t be ROCD” and I am afraid that now I have just developed those symptoms because I read about them. I just want to be happy with my boyfriend and habe enough feelings and don’t feel so guilty and constantly thinking about him deserving someone who has more or harder feelings and butterflies and everything, knowing he loves me SO MUCH makes it even harder I HATE IT I just want to be in love with him god damn it. ?

nlnnoaia

Date posted: 6y

Thank you. ❤️

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