Feeling a bit anxious this morning. I am worried that my intrusive thoughts are beginning to give me semi erections. I thoroughly believe they are groinal responses but it’s because of the obsessing. Furthermore, these groinals are so unnatural...everyone who’s a guy knows that erections are gradual and pleasurable. The problem is I have no control over my thoughts. It is as if my my mind has conditioned itself to associate my thoughts with sexuality in general and now I can’t even masturbate without immediately seeing a dude in my line of vision. Even when I stare at pretty girls it’s like it morphs into a dude. I know my OCD is taking over but this is scaring the shit out of me. It’s taken away my masturbation and my mental clarity. Mind you I’m 23 and NEVER in a million years would I have questioned a thing like sexuality. I feel like I’m trapped inside a box and my ocd brain is now calling all of the shots....

I wake up sick to my stomach everyday bro. Considering micro dosing mushrooms...apparently it’s said to be a cure for anxiety and intrusive thoughts?

@Anonymous The gold standard of treatment is ERP. There’s promising research in the field of psychedelics, but it should be cautioned this isn’t recommended except under the guidance of a clinician.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett I’m already doing it, not exactly helping to the extent I want. I have moments of clarity and moments of doubt all throughout my day. A never ending tennis match, if you will. I can’t look my friends in the eyes without intrusive images. I can’t fantasize without guys popping in my head. My hope is that if I followed through with this, that it would allow me to take back control of my thoughts and rewire my brain. And in micro dose, it does not exhibit psychedelic properties

@Anonymous To clarify, going through treatment does not mean your thoughts will disappear or that you won’t experience them.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett I understand that. But you know what, I tired of not being happy. At least this will make me happy and hopefully alleviate some of my symptoms. Maybe I will even stop overthinking my attractions to women and they will return. First I am going to get evaluated by my local radiology team, but then once I have confirmation, I feel like it certainly couldn’t hurt to help my overall happiness level and decrease daily anxiety

@Anonymous I’m not advocating for not exploring treatment options, I’m just saying that recovery doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t have distressing or difficult moments. I think there has to be some relinquishing of what it means to be in recovery. Because for as long as the expectation is “I can’t have these thoughts, and for me to live a quality life they have to go away” you’re are incredibly likely to find yourself perpetually disappointed. Besides, your attraction to women didn’t go anywhere. It’s still there. A cloud might block the sun for a moment, but the sun is still behind it. Thoughts don’t change you, not anymore than a cloud changes the sky.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett In the time that it took you to write that comment, I had a sexually intrusive image of my brother...my fucking brother. I feel like at this point I may have PTSD. I am legitimately willing to try anything at this point

@Anonymous I understand where you’re coming from. I struggled with harm OCD for over 15 years, and I’ve had OCD since I was 7 or 8 years old. I’m 35 now. In that time I had violent intrusive thoughts about killing every single person I know, literally thousands of times. The presence of a thought doesn’t mean anything.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Understandable that sounds horrible brother. In my case, it feels like a loss of identity. You’ve heard the same old story “I’ve been straight my whole life why is this happening to me...yadda yadda yadda...” but in my case, my OCD has pushed me to the edge multiple times. Using my thoughts to make me believe I enjoy them...even though I shake in fear every time they happen. OCD is a monster with no face and no real meaning but still can’t beat you to your knees. Every little thought turns into a sexually intrusive image and a groinal response for me. In many case, I turn my attention to a women to take me to a calm state. I have never been this anxious or afraid of myself in my life.

@Anonymous Can**

@Anonymous It’s a process, and takes a lot of time and focus to stay on the path. Eventually, you’ll get there.