POCD NSFW 18+ warning Hi everyone. This will be the most difficult post I will ever have to make but this is something I have to do as I’m scared and terrified of being something I don’t want to be or someone saying that I’m this monster when I don’t want to be one. While I always masturbated to women that were 18 or older, I masturbated to loli stuff a handful of times at the ages of 16-18. And now I regret it immensely. I now have intrusive memories and thoughts telling me that I’m a pedophile or that I’m a MAP when I dont want to be that at all. I’ve previously had HOCD for 8-9 months, and it feels like I’m not anxious enough, so I’m scared even more. I masturbated to a Marge x Lisa fanfic a couple times and I’m scared that I’m a pedo or an MAP in denial when I dont want to be attracted to children at all. I’ve had crushes on girls my age. I have never ever had an attraction to kids in my life. I have never fantasized about kids in my life, and I certainly have never molested or raped anyone in my life. I’m so fucking scared because I don’t want to be a pedo. I’d rather die than be some disgusting pedo. I don’t want to be a MAP, gay, bisexual, anything. I just want to be a straight man with a wife my age. I’m so scared and I feel so guilty about everything. I can’t sleep at night and I’m so so so scared of being a pedo or a M.A.P. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be a pedo or a M.A.P at all. I don’t ever want to be attracted to kids ever. I will never want to be with kids, and I’ve never fantasized about kids ever. Please someone help me. The last thing I want is to be some disgusting pedo or a MAP for the rest of my life. I gag and puke to thoughts involving kids, and I have a fierce condemnation of pedophiles or anything like that. I hope I’m not in denial. I don’t want to be a pedo at all. Please someone help me.

Carl Cornett

Date posted: 4y

Before someone responds to this post, just recognize that they are seeking reassurance. Be mindful of that in your responses.

ImagineSisyp...

Date posted: 4y

You don't sound like a p*** they really don't feel guilt for their actions. As for the loli stuff, it's designed to be sexually appealing, they give these underage characters chacteristics that real life children don't have. Like being way sexually adventurous and even aggressive and dressing more provocative. Which I think makes it more confusing because we associate these characteristics with adults or at the very least late stage teens. Is it creepy content? Absolutely, a lot of hentai categories are. They really go all out. Real life p****aren't satisfied with just drawings. They desperately want to take it into the real world which sounds like the complete opposite of you. All you can really do at this point is avoid using that content again and think about the lesson you learned from it. Once you realize that, move on with your life. Hyperfocusing on it won't change the past.

[Deleted]

Date posted: 4y

Comment deleted by user

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@clariberri I honestly want to die sometimes. I feel like I’m a monster that deserves to burn. I don’t want to be some disgusting monster/pedo or something like that. I don’t feel like I deserve to live.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond