Anyone else feel like OCD is making their whole world change? Like your perspective on literally everything is shifting which means your future isn’t going to be what you wanted it to be? I have HOCD and ROCD and feel like I’ll have to leave my marriage or leave my religion or end up with a woman but none of those things are what I want? I love my religion, my husband, and the previous ideas I had for the future before HOCD showed up.

Yup. Feels like i am a lesbian and just in denial. Feels like i like the thoughts and want them. Has made me feel like a boy and girl being together is weird, but a girl and girl isnt. (When neither are weird). Feels like all my past feelings for guys were fakes and coverups. Yet i dont want to like the thoughts and i dont want to desire them or even want them. Dont want to be a lesbian. Want to be with a man, but feel like i wouldnt like it and also feel like I am disgusted by men cause hocd. Want to fall in love again and be intimate with a guy. I just dont want to be a lesbian and with a woman and have that lifestyle. Makes me sad to think that i want that. But feel like i can’t be with a man. Can’t catch feelings. And all this other stuff. Even as i wrote this i was just like “they all probably think your in denial” And all my future i now see myself with a woman when i want a husband. And it makes me sad because i feel like i want a wife and not a husband when i dont. It makes me sad too think that’ll make me happy and that’s me. Yeah:/ And then im scared im homophobic, but i know im not cause there is no problem with being gay. Which makes it all the harder when im like “anne it’s fine!” And then i’m like “but i dont want that” then im like “but nothings wrong with it” and then i start crying because i dont want that but i feel like i do but i dont. I need to remind myself this is an attack on our identities and who we are cause ocd. Not us being homophobic:(

I just feel like everything has been flipped 180. Except I don't like it.

Also I feel like the longer my HOCD has lasted the less and less I can invision the future I want.

There is a book by Rose Brete’cher called Pure. Not sure if you ever heard of it but she goes through the same things you are talking about.