last night i tried to tackle one of my biggest fears/compulsions: leaving my bedroom door open and only having one light on instead of all of my bedroom lights. i saw things moving around my room all night, a shadow cast on my wall looked like an upside down cross with blood dripping off of it, i was hearing shuffling in the hallway, i thought something kept pushing my door open further.. i cried all night/had a mental breakdown on the phone with my boyfriend which i have never done, i was awake until 7:30am. why does erp make things so. much. harder. before they get easier.?😔 i am so embarrassed my boyfriend had to see that side of me. but at the same time i feel like it was eye opening on how hard this is for me and how badly i want to improve.

thank you so much. i really appreciate it and i’m happy knowing i’m not alone, i also sympathize with you. i’m glad you’ve found something that works for you, i will definitely take your advice. i do not feel safe sleeping with my door open because i used to see figures standing in my doorway watching me when i was about 5 years old and would scream for my parents to come and they didn’t because they thought i needed to understand i am safe but i never felt safe. i have always had a hard time differentiating between reality, OCD, and supernatural occurrences, i am slowly trying to draw the lines between each but last night didn’t even feel real to me. i had a panic attack and felt like someone was stabbing me in the lungs, i haven’t had a panic attack for over a year now so it was just an all-around terrifying experience. i can only sleep with the lights off when my boyfriend is there, it’s interesting to me because somehow i think having another person there keeps me safe. maybe it’s the fear of something bad happening to me in the dark from some deep rooted trauma.

@ophelia ☹️☹️☹️ that makes me so sad to picture little baby you scared and alone! Your parents might have been trying their best, but obviously that technique never worked! ☹️ lots of kids feel like you did. It’s possible you were having nightmares that contributed to it too. If you hyperventilated last night, your brain was flooded with way too much oxygen and that causes a number of things. It makes it hard to think and breathe and makes your hands and feet numb. I definitely feel safer in the dark with someone there. I think, back then, you just needed someone big and strong to keep you safe while you slept. So what if a 5 year old needs their door closed? I’ll let my baby sleep in bed with me forever if it makes them feel safe! ❤️ try to focus on facts when your mind is trying to scare you.

@booba thank you. i really appreciate it. i do try to keep in mind that when i’m having a panic attack, the majority of my physical symptoms are not really there and i’m just basically imagining or creating them myself. i told my parents when i was 3 or 4 that a man used to talk to me in my crib which was a ghost they said they never wanted to tell me about, we moved to a different house and it kept happening but they were basically trying to get me to be independent and understand nothing bad would happen i think, they just didn’t believe what i was telling them but i never lied about any of it. i would do the same for my littles someday if they wanted help with anything, my parents definitely just did not know what to do. thank you for your responses!