Did some exposures in therapy today. Not very fun but I know that's the point. Of course my mind tries to seize on loss of attraction to make it worse. Hopefully turn a corner soon. I need some rest.

It really is. I tried to take a nap and now the thoughts are really hitting me. I'm starting to doubt again.

@Jbm421 I really struggle with rumination as a compulsion, so when I get an obsessive thought, i sit with it, try to focus on it and not solve the problem, and when I feel myself start to ruminate, I do something else to fill the time. When falling asleep, I listen to podcasts or YouTube vids to prevent thinking. Lol.

@samantha Ruminating is my biggest compulsion. Its hard for me to get past. I just did an exposure with my therapist and it really triggered me. But the ruminating makes it worse than what it really was.

@Jbm421 Preventing ruminating is so hard. I really struggle with this too.

@Jbm421 https://drmichaeljgreenberg.com/how-to-stop-ruminating/ This site is a great source for information on rumination and stopping.

@samantha Last time I clicked on something from that guy he had something on there about HOCD that triggered me. Now I'm triggered again...😞😞😞😞

@Jbm421 Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear that. Uncertainty is uncomfortable but you’ve got this.

@samantha It's ok. At this point the OCD just knows how to attack me. Cant fantasize because of images, cant date because of loss of attraction and doubt (and ROCD), cant really have fun with friends (as if I had many friends) due to intrusive thoughts. Dont know how to beat this. Doubting HOCD...😢

@Jbm421 I feel you. It’s so frustrating. I’m so sorry.

@samantha Maybe those exposures came at a bad time. I've seen worse than that but now for whatever reason that triggered me. I'm just very blue at the moment. Partially because I gotta go through this fucking shit.

@Jbm421 I’m pretty sad at the moment too. Had a depressive episode this past weekend, which triggered OCD, which triggered more depression. All this is very hard :(

@samantha It's depressing and feels hopeless. I was doing therapy last fall but I discontinued because of $$ reasons. I was showing improvement but it all went to shit. I've been dealing with this for almost 11 years on n off with various degrees of intensity but the end of last summer it got worse. It was really bad but the fall was the first time I sought proper treatment. But January - February it got so bad. The past 2 weeks in particular have been unbearable which is why I started treatment again. But I fear that my mind is too far gone and there's no way to fix me.

@Jbm421 I feel that way sometimes too. It hurts a lot to think that it’s possible I won’t get better. But, I guess it’s better to at least try. I worry all the time that I’ll be stuck with it.

@samantha I'm trying too but it's not a good day. I'm at work crying because I have nothing to do but think. Nothing here is triggering me except my thoughts...😭😭😭

I understand and relate. This stuff really sucks. I’m sorry you have to go through this.