Real OCD Event is horrible. I have intrusive thoughts about something illegal I did 7 months ago and while I agree with the thoughts, because I do deserve to pay for what I did, it seems that the only way to deal with this type of OCD is by ignoring the intrusive thoughts, but it's hard to ignore them when I'm talking to someone and the "if they knew what you did they wouldn't talk to you" thought pops.

In relation*

It is related to POCD. In fact, it's how the theme first triggered. It's also related to porn, I've always been addicted to it, and one day I stumbled about an illegal type of it (I have POCD, so you may guess what type it was). I masturbated and orgasmed to it, but I feel like what turned me on wasn't the content itself, but the fact that it was something dangerous. I read that people addicted to porn may get more and more used to the content they watch, so they sometimes try to use a new type such as BDSM or worse. That still isn't an excuse for what I did, because if I was younger, I would just say that it was me being stupid and carekess, but I had 16y at the time, I already knew what I was doing. I know that I'm not a pedophile, but this thing I did will probably haunt me for a long time.

@Tartarium1234 Yeah, that's how porn works, and that's exactly why I've decided to completely remove it out of my life for good. People that become addicted to porn begin to feel bored of the usual things they watch. Then things escalate. I know it did for me and looking back I hate how addicted I was and I hate that I was even exposed to it. There's been times in my addicted periods where the things I watched honestly weren't even porn, more like taboo acts that wouldn't be commonly used in porn really. My video watching escalated to transgender women, ladyboys, exhibitionism, deepthroating, feet torture, flatulence, and unrealistic animations that featured a lot of unique things. It gets to a point where you're so used to regular porn that you go beyond what porn even is. You don't even know what you're watching anymore but if it's on an erotic site or something taboo people go for it. That's what porn is: It just dives people into a deeper fucked up rabbit hole. It got to a point where only a taboo would get a kick out of me even it came to porn, and that's exactly what my OCD is latching onto right now. Funny, just as I finally vowed to quit porn and masturbating, ocd decides to bring up the times where I was addicted and it makes me feel like shit.

@Tartarium1234 I don't think you're a pedophile either, just someone who's madly addicted to porn and NEEDS TO QUIT IT NOW. It's for the best. All of that shit just isn't worth it. Especially as to how bad it warps your mind. I can't even believe this shit is so easily accessible and legal. I can't even believe I fell for all the traps.

@BigGip09 This shit even happens to celebrities that have talked about porn addiction. It just turns you into something you never thought you could be and it's fucking awful. What I hate is that this shit is so open on the internet and it's being served all over the place no matter where you look when you use the internet. It's bullshit. Everyone knows what it is, everyone has seen it at least once, but no one wants to talk about the effects

@BigGip09 Were you ever able to quit porn and reverse the escalation?

I think I'm being hard enough on myself, I really deserve to feel bad. I didn't hurt anyone, but I did one of the lowest things a human being can do, and while I didn't hurt anyone directly, my stupid mistake is one of the biggest regrets in my life. Now I feel like I deserve all kinds of punishment. I guess it's good that I regret what I did, that means I do have remorse and that I'm not some psycho pedophile and I know I will never do something like that again, but I will need to learn how to live with what I did.