God.. i don't know what to do? I'm not suicidal... i'm not. But ever since i had a bad reaction caused by the wellbutrin my doctor gave me I was petrified i'd get these thoughts again... they scared me, i didn't like them! i don't want to die, i have health anxiety and contamination OCD for gods sake..Ill randomly be sitting in my bed and say i'm in my zoom class and my teacher is like "i'll see you all next week!" my mind is like "no you won't, i won't be here i'll be 6 feet underground" or my mom will talk about how we have to go to the grocery store in a few days and my mind will go "if i make it that long.." and they feel so real till my health anxiety comes into play and i get major major MAJOR intrusive images about my heart shipping and i freak out cause i don't want to die but I keep getting these thoughts as if i would take my own life... i'm on zoloft right now after switching from wellbutrin and the first week and a half i saw major improvement and then all of a sudden i woke up 3 days ago to this intrusive thought of me committing suicide and ever since then my brain has been stuck on it... i'm not suicidal but i'm so confused... is this OCD? I don't want my mom to think i'm suicidal cause i'm not...

I have suicidal ocd. I don’t want to die but my intrusive thoughts tell me I do. It’s really scary, but u have to treat it as you would treat any other ocd theme. Don’t try to figure out if the thought is real or not! Just acknowledge the thought is there and disregard it, I know it’s really hard but I believe in you

i am right there with you! i promise, you are NOT alone. I have the same thoughts on a daily basis, and i’m doing my best to work through it and just accept the thoughts as they come! OCD is a mean mean monster, and you just have to listen and not be afraid of it.

i'm not a professional but it sounds like this is just your ocd. your intrusive thoughts are getting stronger from what you're saying so that's causing you to question whether you agree with them or not. to help the intrusive thoughts get better, you have to let the thoughts just flow even though they can be super super scary. questioning whether they're intrusive thoughts or not is ocd. eventually the thoughts will calm down and when you get a thought like this again (because everyone gets intrusive thoughts) instead of thinking stuff like "omg this isn't me" "i'm not suicidal" you'll let it pass because you would've realized that you cant control your thoughts and you aren't your thoughts. these thoughts are obviously causing you distress so you obviously don't like them (proving they're intrusive).

but if it gets worse then i suggest seeing a psychiatrist or therapist that specializes in ocd if you're not already :)

hahahaha it’s SO ANNOYING! honestly! i’m so thankful for my sessions with my specialist, and so excited to tackle this!

lex, how’re you doing today? a bit better?